Sometimes Less is More
by Autumn Amethyst
Summary: Lily is wealthy, and hates it. Her parents have planned her whole life out for her. They've even chosen her husband! But what happens when she decides to get involved with someone at Hogwarts...someone her parents would *seriously* disapprove of?
1. I hate hats'

Title: "Sometimes Less Is More"  
  
Summary: Lily is rich, and hates it. Her parents have planned her whole life out for her. They've even chosen her husband! But what happens when she decides to get involved with someone at Hogwarts...someone her parents would *seriously* disapprove of?  
  
  
  
A/N: Okay, so I shouldn't be starting any new stories right now...I'm way too busy with end of the year school stuff...my teachers wait until now to teach us anything... But I just got quite a few ideas for some new stories, and I decided to test them *all* out. *Sigh*, this could take awhile. But it'll be fun ;) Anyway, the one that you all like best, I will continue. This is the first one I wanted to test out. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!!  
  
Chapter 1- "I *hate* hats!"  
  
Lily Evans sat at the dinner table, absorbed in her own thoughts while idle chatter surrounded her. I'm a bird, and I'm flying away from here. I'll never have to come back. I can just fly away.... She stared at the wall, not really seeing or hearing anything around her. Not that she needed to. It was the usual evening, and she was seated at one of her parents' dinner parties. They were all talking and laughing, and pretending to have a good time. Her parents loved to show her off, no doubt they were talking about her just then as if she wasn't there. She preferred not to listen and to pretend that the noises around her were the trees rustling in a peaceful, secluded spot. But she was pulled away from her relaxing thoughts with her mother's voice.  
  
"Lily is Head Girl at her school this year, isn't that right sweetie?" she asked, beaming a smile at her daughter across the table. Lily simply nodded, and gave her mother a death glare. She was sick of being their little puppet. She wasn't a prize, and she didn't want to be put on display. Sometimes she wished she had been born into a poor family. Then maybe her life would be more...what's the word?...liberating.  
  
One of her mother's 'friends' put on her best phony smile and said, "And she's so beautiful too."  
  
Lily's mother spoke for Lily and replied, "Yes, thank you. I quite agree." No doubt Mrs. Jackson, the woman who had spoken, only wanted to be on her mother's good side. In truth, Lily *was* fairly beautiful. Her red gold hair cascaded down her back in thick waves, framing an oval face with bright emerald eyes. But she dismissed that; she simply didn't really care. She was sick of all the ladies she met at her parents outings fawning over hair and makeup. She wasn't like that, and never had been. As a little girl, she would much rather have played with cars than dolls.  
  
Lily sighed deeply. Sometimes her life was just not all it might appear to be. She tuned into the conversation around her for a moment.  
  
"..just so proud of her. I don't know how she does it, really. Smart girl. And we just bought her such a beautiful dress for the Christmas party. She'll look simply marvelous." Hearing this, Lily rolled her eyes and scowled down at her plate. She hated dresses. Oh well, she supposed it could be worse. She thought back to the time when her mother had first put Lily in a dress. She had been an infant, or just a little older, and had looked like a puffy piece of fabric with a hat. She had old pictures of that.  
  
"So how is that dashing son of yours, Mrs. Peterson?" her mother turned to one of the other ladies seated at her end of the table. "I do hope he's well."  
  
Lily tuned out again and started counting down the hours until she would be boarding the Hogwarts Express again. This time tomorrow she thought to herself. I'll be back in the Great Hall, seated under the enchanted ceiling. She smiled to herself. This year was her last, and she wasn't about to let her mother spoil it.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Lily, however, was quite unaware of the fact that while she was busy daydreaming about her seventh year at Hogwarts, her mother and Mrs. Peterson had been forming plans. Plans that could ruin her whole life.  
  
As she stood in her room, pulling on her pajamas, her mother walked in smiling.  
  
"You'll never guess, sweetheart. I've just planned out the greatest future for you."  
  
Lily's heart dropped. Last time her mother had said that, the results had been disastrous. "W-what?" she asked, her voice shaking slightly. Did she *want* to know?  
  
"I've been talking with Mrs. Peterson, and I managed to talk her into it. You and her son are practically engaged! Isn't this fantastic?" she said enthusiastically.  
  
"YOU DID WHAT?!" Lily screamed. Never, in her life, had her mother done anything quite *this* bad.  
  
"Really, honey, there is no need to scream. I know you're excited, but please keep it down a bit. Your father is reading in the library." her mother said aimlessly.  
  
"Mother, you aren't *listening* to me! You never do! I tell you, I hate him and I refuse to marry him! How can you just plan out my future like this for me? I'm not your slave!" Lily ended a bit breathlessly and red in the face.  
  
Her mother, as usual, gave her opinion no attention. "You just don't know what's best for you, dear. You will one day though. When you're settled down as Mrs. Patrick Peterson." She smiled, gave her daughter a quick hug that wasn't returned, and left the room.  
  
Lily stood for a long time in disbelief. She *couldn't* do this. There must still be a way out. Patrick was a stuck up, pompous, rich fool and she couldn't even imagine what he'd be like as a husband. She shivered and refused to think about it just then. She was leaving for Hogwarts, and there would be no mother, or father, or dinner parties, or rich people there.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
The next day, she boarded the Hogwarts Express excitedly. Her green eyes searched for her best friend, Mary. Stepping into the first compartment on her right, she spotted Mary inside, her blue eyes staring out the window and her black hair running down to the middle of her back. Mary Sener was also from a rich family. She was a reserved person, and hated stuck up people. She, like Lily, hated being rich; and so they got along quite nicely. But the other girls in their year thought them to be arrogant and mean. Though, it was the other way around in reality (Lily and Mary were very nice, and the other girls were haughty).  
  
Lily plopped down into the seat next to her friend and sighed deeply. "It's so nice to see you again. You can't even imagine how boring this summer has been for me. If I have to listen to one more stuck up, rich freak, I think I'll scream."  
  
Mary smiled weakly. "Oh, I understand all too well, Lils. It feels so good to be getting away and going to Hogwarts again. I just wish this wasn't our last year. I'll never be able to escape my parents again after this." She stared down at the carpet, looking and feeling a little depressed.  
  
"Why? Can't you get a job far away from them?" Lily asked.  
  
Mary laughed. "You would think, wouldn't you? No, they have my whole future planned out for me, with no room for what *I* want to do." Lily, hearing this, tried to comfort her friend. She understood very well what it all felt like. This was why they had become friends in the first place.  
  
(flashback)  
  
Lily boarded the train a little cautiously, whipping off her ridiculous hat straightaway. "Ugh! I *hate* hats!" she said in exasperation. She looked up, expecting to be alone in her compartment. But no, there was another girl seated a few feet away, dressed in clothes similar to Lily's. She didn't look too happy about it either.  
  
"Hello, my name's Mary Sener, what's yours?" she said in a friendly tone, extending her hand.  
  
Lily grinned and shook it. "Lily Evans."  
  
They had spent the remainder of their first train ride doing hilarious imitations of all the rich men and women they had met in their lifetime. Actually, they had met some of the same people, which made it all the more funny.  
  
Lily pretended to be puffing on a cigar, and pulled it out of her mouth to say (in a low, deep voice), "And this morning I won a bet on a horse race. I also put an overly confident man in his right place." She did the impression of the skinny man launching into the description of him punching a big-built, lowly guy in the face. Although, anyone could see at first glance that he was to wimpy to ever do such a thing.  
  
Mary pretended to be the man's wife and said, "Oh, Herbert! That's perfectly dreadful. But you shouldn't be telling these nice people that horrible story now. And, Mrs. Evans, might I add what a *lovely* house this is?"  
  
Ever since that day, the two of them had been the best of friends.  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Lily put her arm around Mary, like she had many a time before. She decided that it just wasn't the moment to bring up her own miserable future.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Once in the Great Hall that evening, Lily and Mary were smiling happily once more. They forgot all about their conversation in the train, having gotten it out of their system.  
  
Lily, munching on a roll that she had just stuffed into her mouth, glanced around the Gryffindor table. Her green eyes scanned over each person quickly. They soon came to rest on a handsome, messy-haired boy. His brown eyes twinkled as he laughed and talked with his other three friends. Lily had seen him before, of course. He was a pretty popular guy; he was always pulling pranks with his friends and getting into trouble. She had never before noticed how appealing he looked though. James Potter noticed her eyes on him and turned to look. He grinned at her and she smiled back. He's just the type of guy my mother would hate. Lily thought to herself. She adverted her eyes from his face, not wanting to stare. That just makes him even more appealing. She grinned deviously to herself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Sorry, that chapter was more of an 'introduction' chapter than a very interesting one. I promise, it'll get better. That is, if you would like me to continue this. Review??? Please?? Aw, come on, it only takes a couple seconds… and then I'll give you another chapter.... 


	2. Revelations in Personality

A/N: Ahh! 29 reviews!!!!!!!! I can't thank you guys enough! I certainly wasn't expecting that many, but it was a very nice surprise, I assure you. I'm sitting here and grinning my head off as as I read them...it's so nice to smile after studying for math finals for an hour. Thank you guys sooo much, I love you! I wish I could thank each of you who reviewed one by one, but there's just so many of you! So I just wanted to tell you all how happy I am that you liked the first chapter, I honestly didn't think many people would. I hope you like this chapter too!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 2- Revelations in Personality  
  
"Ugh! Look what my mother put in my trunk!" Mary suddenly yelled out. Lily looked up to see her friend holding up a new robe. Not just any new robe...it had very, er, nice lacing.  
  
"Eww, what kind of robe is that? Does she honestly expect you to *wear* that?" Lily said in a tone that implied she found the robe sickening.  
  
"Knowing her, she thinks I'll find the robe absolutely *adorable*. Quite the opposite, I assure you. I don't think the word adorable should even be allowed into my vocabulary. Not for clothes, anyway." she threw the robe aside in irritation. "They're all like this! Ahh!"  
  
"Looks like you'll be needing to borrow a robe for today, or maybe longer. We'll have to get you new robes in Hogsmeade. But I'm not sure when the next Hogsmeade weekend is. Hopefully not far from now." she said, glancing into her own trunk. "I'm on a short supply too; I'd better buy some new ones as well. Here." She threw a robe to Mary. Then she suddenly groaned.  
  
"Look what *my* mother sent me!" Lily held up something. At first glance, most people wouldn't even know what it was. But if you looked closer, you would see that it was a horrible hat. It was a pointed hat, like all magical people wore, but with a few...additions that made it seem a bit much.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Later on that evening, they seated themselves in the common room to play chess. They were both thoroughly engrossed in the game, and weren't paying any attention to their surroundings. Mary moved her knight, and Lily groaned.  
  
"I hate playing chess with you, you always win!" She said, crossing her arms defiantly.  
  
"Oh, don't be a poor sport." Mary replied, keeping her eyes on the game.  
  
Lily mumbled as she moved one of her pawns. "You wouldn't say that if you were losing."  
  
Her friend paid her comment no heed, and proceeded to win the game in a matter of a half hour or so. They rose, stretched, and sat back down.  
  
"We have classes tomorrow, you know. I wonder if they'll be boring again this year." Lily commented. She slouched in her chair, something she took advantage of doing when her parents weren't around.  
  
Mary grinned. "But you're Head Girl now. I would think that you'd enjoy classes to the fullest." She said teasingly.  
  
"You know very well that I'm only Head Girl because my parents made me work my ass off to get such good grades. I wouldn't have even bothered otherwise. I wouldn't need to, since they already have my future all planned out."  
  
"Good point."  
  
"Oh, Mary, what am I going to do?" Lily whined, though not haughtily.  
  
"About what?"  
  
It was then that Lily remembered that she had never told her friend about what her mother had done. "My mom has chosen my husband. You know Patrick Peterson?"  
  
"That prat?! She's making you marry *him*?!"  
  
"Yes, the one and only. But I can't do it, Mary, I just can't. I have to get out of it somehow!" She was beginning to feel frantic and worried again. Lily and Mary were used to the idea of arranged marriages, but they had prayed that it would never happen to them. And now it was.  
  
Mary sighed. "I don't know how, but we'll find a way to get you out of it. We have to."  
  
Lily, however, was not listening. She had just spotted a certain raven-haired boy sitting on the other side of the common room. He was staring off into the fire, but jumped abruptly as his best friend, one Sirius Black, slapped him on the back. Sirius was very tall, somewhat muscular from Quidditch, and handsome. He had short, brown hair and big, green eyes. He was the most mischievous of the four of them, though James was not far behind.  
  
James started talking profusely with his friend. They seemed to be leaning over something that James held in his lap. She was curious, but decided to just sit and watch.  
  
It was about five minutes later when James looked up from his seat. He looked around the room for his other two friends, who weren't present just then. But his eyes rested on Lily Evans, and she was staring right back at him. When he hesitated to look away, she raised an eyebrow teasingly at him. He grinned cutely and put on a fake look of smugness. They continued to give each other looks like this until each of their friends poked them to get them to look away.  
  
"Ouch! What was that for?" Lily asked, a little louder than needed.  
  
"I was getting you out of your trance. You have been staring that way for several minutes now, and I thought you'd like me to wake you up." Mary replied in a tone that implied an explanation.  
  
She grinned. "I wasn't just staring 'that way'. I was staring at a certain someone named James Potter."  
  
Mary's smile fell off of her face. "Lily! You know that he's a trouble maker. He isn't exactly the best guy to get involved with. One, he could break your heart, and two, your parents would *seriously* disapprove."  
  
"You think I care about that? Since when do you? And if he does break my heart, why should I care? It's not as if I'm suddenly in love with him or something."  
  
Her friend grinned again. "You're right, I don't care. But *James Potter*?" Lily just smiled waywardly in response. There was a long pause, in which she stared at the back of his head.  
  
"Mary? I've thought of a way we could get those new robes before the next Hogsmeade weeked."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
At breakfast the next morning, Lily was not really looking forward to her first class. Potions with the Slytherins and Professor Welch. Okay, so Welch really wasn't *that* bad. He just wasn't the most pleasant person ever.  
  
She was just taking her first bite of scrambled eggs, when Dumbledore rose and began to speak. "I hope you all will enjoy your first day back. I see that most of you have already started eating, so I won't bother you now." His pale eyes twinkled as he sat back down. Almost immediately, he jumped back up and said, "Oh, I almost forgot. Would James Potter and Lily Evans please approach the staff table at this time? They're our Head Boy and Girl this year." he added to the students.  
  
Lily's eyes had widened when she learned that James was Head Boy. I didn't know he was that smart. I always thought he was just a 'bad boy'. Huh, maybe not. She glanced over at him as they made their way up to the front of the Hall. His black hair fell all over the place, and the way he held himself seemed to say a lot about his personality . What does Dumbledore want?  
  
Dumbledore smiled when they stopped before him. "I'm so happy to see such nice students as Head Boy and Girl this year. We've had some *cough* bad ones in the past." he added with a glance at the Slytherin table. "Now, I don't want anything formal, just yet. I only wanted you two to become acquainted with each other. You may need to work together on a few things this year. I thought maybe you two could skip your first class and go talk in your common room. You know, just to meet each other." His eyes twinkled even more behind his half-moon spectacles. Lily's heart beat faster at the mention of missing Potions, and James' face brightened.  
  
"That would be great, Professor! Thanks!"  
  
Dumbledore continued to smile and replied, "Don't mention it."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Mary groaned as they stopped at the portrait hole. "I can't believe you get to miss Potions. How unfair! Can't I just skip with you?"  
  
"I'm not skipping, Dumbledore gave me permission." Lily replied, grinning.  
  
"Alright, well I'd better get going or I'll be late." she sighed deeply and started to walk away. Then she added, "Have fun with James." and smiled.  
  
Lily entered the common room to find him already there. He looked up when she walked in and smiled at her. He has such a cute smile. So roguish. I love it.  
  
She extended her hand. "I don't believe we've ever really met. I'm Lily Evans." He took her hand and pulled her over to him, pushing her into a chair.  
  
Still grinning, he said, "I'm James Potter. Very nice to meet you."  
  
Lily didn't know what to say next, and so she just blurted out what she had been wondering. "I didn't know you were so smart." She had to hide a blush. So smart? What an idiotic statement. Couldn't I have said "I didn't know you were in the top of our class." or "I wasn't aware that your grades were so high"...  
  
He laughed. "That's because I'm known for my trouble making. Nobody cares to look closer to see that my friends and I work very hard for our grades. But most people don't know that, and so I have quite a weird reputation around here. True, I'm definately not a model student. I have the most detentions in a hundred years. My parents hate it, but I long ago decided that I just *can't* please them, whatever I do. But that doesn't bother me. I don't care what other people think."  
  
"Really? Me neither. I always hated it when people judge without really knowing a person." she smiled up at him.  
  
James wasn't really thinking, and blurted out. "But I thought you were rich. Don't all rich people care about those sort of things?"  
  
The smile quickly fell from her face and she said blankly, "I might be rich, but I certainly don't enjoy it. I'd do anything to get away from my parents and their parties, and the 'high' society. It's horrible."  
  
He grinned at her again. "In that case, I have a feeling we're going to be very good friends..."  
  
She stared at him, up into his big chocolate brown eyes. It was like she knew so much about him already. He's such a fun-loving person. God knows I need a little of what I'd like to call *fun* in my life...What if this once, just this once, I decided to pitch the rule book into the trash?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Alright, so what did you think? I hope it was up to your standards...I tried to make it as interesting as possible. I'm still attempting to, you know, introduce the whole thing to you...so it's kind of taking awhile to get to the point. Though all of this does lead up to it..anyway, I'm rambling. I still can't believe how many reviews I got for last chapter!! I'm thinking that next chapter should begin where I left off, because now that I read over it, there were a few things that I wanted them to say that I didn't include yet. I hope this chapter wasn't too boring and you guys liked it! I already know what will happen in chapter 3. If you're wondering, it should be a quote 'developing relationship', they'll get some new robes, and…well, I won't tell you all of it. Please please REVIEW? If nobody likes it, there's no reason for me to continue...Can we make it to 60 reviews? That would be soooo awesome! 


	3. I'll Teach You'

A/N: I really can't thank you guys enough for the reviews, you're all way too kind! I really hope you continue to enjoy the story!  
  
Chapter 3- I'll teach you  
  
Lily smiled. "Yeah, I think so too. You seem like the friend type."  
  
He laughed heartily. "Friend type? Maybe to some, but I never thought that I would become friends with someone like you."  
  
"And what exactly *is* someone like me? Come on, tell me."  
  
James blushed faintly. "Um...well, a pretty, nice, smart girl..."  
  
"Well, thanks. But you were thinking something else, I can tell." There was a pause. Then she suddenly remembered something. "James?"  
  
"Hmm?" He looked up, his dark eyes penetrating her bright ones.  
  
"Would you...happen to know a way into Hogsmeade? You know, without getting caught..."  
  
He grinned mischievously. "That I would. You surprise me, Lily. I never thought *you* would be asking me that."  
  
"Really? Then you have another thing coming. Now, about getting into Hogsmeade...would you...will you take my friend Mary and I there? We, uh, need new robes."  
  
"New robes?" he furrowed his brow. "I don't see why you waited this long to get them, but how can I refuse to help when a beautiful young lady such as yourself asks me?"  
  
She smiled. "Okay then. Tomorrow after classes?"  
  
"Sounds good to me." He replied, as politely as a boy like James could manage.  
  
There was another pause, where Lily would glance at James, and then he would notice and glance at her, so she would look away. She blushed a little. It was a problem of hers, blushing was.  
  
James cleared his throat, causing them to look at each other. "So..." he trailed off, forgetting what he was about to say.  
  
"I really like you, James. I love how you don't care what people think about you. You do what *you* want to do, and not what anyone else does. I wish I could do that." she blurted out abruptly.  
  
"But you can." he said.  
  
"No, not with my parents, my life..."  
  
"Yes, you can. I should know." he smiled weakly, looking to be thinking about something. "I'll teach you."  
  
She beamed. "I hope that you can. And I think Dumbledore has accomplished what he wanted."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"I think we know each other a lot better than before."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
They returned to classes, as they were expected to. But Lily couldn't seem to concentrate on her work. She kept running over her previous conversation in her mind. What is he doing to me? I can't think! But she didn't regret becoming his friend, not in the least. She felt that she could learn something from him. He knew how to make the best of life, and not just live it on a day-to-day basis.  
  
After classes ended, and after they ate dinner in the Great Hall, Lily and Mary ascended the stairs slowly, tired from their first day back to work.  
  
"So, I haven't asked you yet. What do you think of James after meeting him?" Mary asked, glancing at her friend.  
  
Lily smiled and replied, "I think only the best things of him. I believe he could become a good friend. And he had so kindly agreed to help us with our small, er, situation with our robes and such."  
  
"Really? He'll help us get to Hogsmeade?"  
  
"Tomorrow evening."  
  
She frowned. "Lily...I don't mean to...you know...be a party pooper or anything, but I don't know him that well and...."  
  
Lily laughed in response. "You mean, is he safe? Quite, I assure you. I'd be as suspicious of him as I would of, say, Mrs. Paulson." Mrs. Paulson, as I'm sure you're wondering, was a short, old little witch that was friends with Mary's mother. She was always sitting in her rocking chair and knitting blankets, which she frequently gave to the two of them as presents.  
  
Mary joined her in laughter. "In that case, I guess there's nothing to worry about."  
  
"I thought not." Lily replied as they approached the portrait hole. She mentioned the password ("Starshine") and they entered the common room. Glancing around, she saw James seated with his friends near the fireplace. He was in deep conversation with them, and didn't look up. So she headed up the stairs and motioned for Mary to follow.  
  
"We may as well start on that History of Magic essay, since we'll be busy tomorrow night."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Laughing, Lily and Mary tumbled into the common room, their pockets jingling with galleons.  
  
James looked up and grinned. He was holding some kind of silvery material, and a piece of old parchment. "Are you two ready?" he asked. "We'll want to leave right now, we shouldn't get back too late. I mean, I don't care, but maybe you do..."  
  
Lily smirked. "And why would you think that? Now, show the way."  
  
He gave her his famous half-smile and threw the silver object over their shoulders. The girls gasped. "An invisibility cloak. James, these cost a fortune, where did you get it?"  
  
"It's a family heirloom." he replied, and muttered something, tapping his wand to the parchment that he clutched in his hand. Almost immediately, a picture began scrawling across the thin object. No, not a picture. A map. They gasped again. Then Lily realized exactly what it did and said, "You just never fail to surprise me. Have anything else up your sleeve?"  
  
"I wouldn't want to spoil anything by telling you now." he said, and grinned as he grabbed Lily's arm, who grabbed Mary's and they headed out.  
  
He led them through the familiar passage way behind the one-eyed witch. Mary and Lily remained wide-eyed until they finally set foot inside Honeydukes.  
  
"Wow." Mary commented. "What a convenient passage way. How did you find it?"  
  
"Oh, I have my ways." he replied. "Now, before we go and get new robes, I thought maybe we could stop for some butterbeer."  
  
"Alright. Let's go." Lily replied, nonchalantly grabbing his hand and pulling him along. She didn't forget to grab Mary too. She certainly didn't want her friend to feel like a third wheel, she knew how that felt.  
  
When they arrived in the Three Broomsticks, Madam Rosmerta approached them, in her usual attire, and smiled. "Now, dears, what would you be wanting to drink?"  
  
James answered for them. "I think three large butterbeers should do it." And Rosmerta trotted off to fetch the drinks. The three of them seated themselves at a small round table.  
  
"I'm curious to know." James started. "Why haven't I ever met you two before?"  
  
"Well, to be quite honest I think it's because of your reputation. I know now not to judge people before I know them. I mean, Lily has only said the, er, nicest things about you, and you've been pleasant so far." Mary said, giving him a smile.  
  
"Just what I think. I wish I had met you before now though. Maybe them we would already be good friends. And Lily talks about me?" He winked at her and her face flushed.  
  
The butterbeer arrived then, and they each started sipping on theirs. "But there is always time for that now. We can make up for lost time." Lily brushed a strand of fiery hair behind her ear.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so."  
  
They drank in silence, none of them really knowing what to say or do. When they were finished, James was the first one to speak up. "Well, I guess we should be going to get those robes. It is a school night, after all."  
  
They paid for the drinks and once more headed out. Lily tried on her robes while Mary looked through some others. James just stood in the middle of the store, looking a little uncomfortable. Lily then came out from the back, dressed in her new robes. "Well, what do you think?" she asked.  
  
James' eyes widened. How could I have never noticed her? I just don't understand. I never skip over girls this beautiful. But it somehow feels as if she's...different from other girls. he paused his thoughts. No, *she* isn't different. Though more interesting than most. The way I *feel* about her is what's different. Oh well. I'm giving myself a headache... James was a normal guy, and couldn't sort out his feelings if his life depended on it. He was simply...clueless. Although, in this situation, Lily was not much better, yet. "Those are very nice robes. You should get them." he said, giving her a shining smile.  
  
"Thanks, I think I will."  
  
Once she was finished paying, she came back over to stand beside James. "Mary is still trying hers on. I told her we would wait for her outside. This store is too small and stuffy, let's go." She opened the door quickly and he followed.  
  
She turned back to look at him as they stood outside the door. He stared back at her. "I...er..." he never really had trouble starting a conversation with someone, but with Lily it was like he wanted to sound good to her. He really wanted her to like him.  
  
She smiled. "Its okay, James. You don't need to talk if you don't want to. Standing here with you is enough for me."  
  
He grinned in response, and proceeded to scoop her up into his arms, holding her like a baby. "Wha-" she started to ask, but then realized how comfortable the position was. She put on a grin and snuggled closer to him.  
  
James started to spin her around quickly and she tried to jump up. "James, you're making me dizzy!"  
  
He stopped quickly. "Oh, sorry." he said softly. Staring into her deep, green eyes, he started to move closer to her on impulse. It wasn't as if he thought about it, he just did it. He wasn't normally one to be so...empathetic. This was all very out of character for him. Plus, he had just met her. What possessed me to do this?  
  
Her eyes widened in surprise, but she looked pleased. Suddenly, before anything could happen, they heard someone clear their throat from behind them.  
  
James dropped Lily and both their faces flushed scarlet. Mary just smiled sweetly and said, "I'm finished."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Comments, suggestions, questions? Please keep up the reviewing! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter, as I enjoyed writing it. The next one shouldn't take too long to get up. It should contain the results (reactions) of the Hogsmeade trip, mixed in with some other stuff. But I can't write anymore just yet, I'm going out. It's my birthday and my friends wanted to take me shopping. (hence- Snoopy-511-, as in May 11? Lol, anyway..) Soo, thanks again to my reviewers! Please, give me a birthday present and review this one too?? ;) 


	4. Love? This early?

A/N: Hello again! I'm really sorry if you are a reader of my other stories and have noticed that I update this more often. It's just that I'm having a bit of trouble writing the next chapters for them. Reviews, as everyone knows, are encouragement. And so since I have been getting the most reviews on this story, it's a lot easier for me to write. Plus, I keep getting ideas for this story and want to write them down just as I think of them. I *will* continue my other stories, but this will certainly come faster, because I'm having the most fun writing it at the moment. And I decided that, since ff.net is for fun, then I should just do whatever is the most fun.. Anyway, this chapter has a little bit of L/J action...a little...  
  
Chapter 4-  
  
"Well I like him. He's actually pretty nice." Mary commented as they quietly entered their dorm, careful to not wake the other girls.  
  
"I told you so." Lily said, folding her new robes and putting them away. She looked over, and though it was dark, saw Mary give her a look that said 'maybe you did, but I never disagreed with you, so there'. The two of them knew each other well enough that they could depict things without speaking them. Lily just ignored her and went back to putting her things away.  
  
Once finished, she walked over to the mirror- slowly, so she didn't run into anything large. She could be clumsy at times, and wasn't especially fond of that trait. As she brushed her hair, she recalled a certain night in the common room, when she had shown everyone just how clumsy she was.  
  
(flashback)  
  
Mary and Lily walked through the common room, pathing their ways through other students and objects strewn about the floor. They stopped, suddenly, in front of a large table, sort of like a coffee table, that was sitting in front of a few chairs. They quickly dropped their books, parchment, quills, and other possessions onto it, freeing the load from their arms. They looked at each other and sighed.  
  
"I can't *believe* we have so much homework. I don't remember ever having this much last year." Lily said, looking flustered.  
  
"Maybe they go easy on first years. We *are* in the second year now." replied Mary.  
  
Lily snorted. "Last year wasn't what I would call easy." she paused, looking down at her assorted things. "Then again, it looks like this year is shaping up to be a lot tougher."  
  
"Yeah." Mary sighed again. "I suppose we may as well get started, or we'll never be finished." She turned and threw herself into the closest chair.  
  
Lily followed suit, and sat in the chair next to it. Or, a better way to put it would be, tried to sit in the chair. She missed by, say, six inches and fell onto the floor with a loud bang. The chatter died down a minute as everyone looked to see Lily lying on the floor, color cropping up into her cheeks. She rubbed her bottom before standing up, trying determinably to ignore the stares and snickers she was getting.  
  
Mary burst out laughing. "Are you alright?"  
  
(end flashback)  
  
She sighed, remembering how Mary had brought it up frequently during the next few weeks, making certain that Lily didn't forget.  
  
"Good night." she whispered, turning over to her side and curling her legs up, like she did every night. And before she heard Mary answer, she had drifted off to sleep.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
The next morning, James came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel. He ran a hand through his black hair, making it even more unruly than usual.  
  
Sirius grinned when he saw James, and stolled over. "So Prongs, I heard that you took Lily Evans and Mary Sener out to Hogsmeade last night."  
  
"Yes, I did. But it wasn't a date. I was merely helping them, because Lily had asked." James unflappably replied. He grabbed a clean shirt and pulled it over his head.  
  
"I see. Well aren't you always the Good Samaritan?" He paused, glancing at James' face. Sirius was very perceptive, and noticed things quickly. "You like one of them though, as more than a friend. Which one? It's Lily, isn't it? I know that look you have..."  
  
James looked deep in thought, which wasn't all too common for boys of his sort. "Yeah, I do like her. But I don't know that she'd ever really like *me* as more than a friend."  
  
"Ahh." Sirius rubbed his chin. "She's one of the good-looking ones. Good choice."  
  
James laughed. "Yes, she is. But for some reason, that wasn't the first thing I noticed about her."  
  
His friend smiled to himself and added, "I forgot to mention it. Guess who I'm going out with now?"  
  
"Uh, I don't know, who?"  
  
"Laura Graid."  
  
"*The* Laura? The most popular girl in the school?"  
  
"That's the one."  
  
James grinned, and they gave each other a high five. Just then, the door slammed open to admit two boys.  
  
Remus Lupin had hair that was straight and came right forward onto his forehead. Nobody was quite sure what color it was, some people thought it was brown and some blond. His face was long and thing, but all in proportion. He had a small nose and brilliant blue eyes. Remus was of the playful type, but then again, they all were.  
  
The other boy was Peter Pettigrew. He had light brown hair that looked as if it could use a hair cut. It hung down, almost into his hazel eyes. He had a round face, with a slightly large nose. The girls didn't find him overly attractive, but the guys accepted him readily. He was good at pulling pranks and telling jokes, even if he wasn't the cleverest person around.  
  
"Where have you two been?" Sirius inquired, turning to face the other two boys.  
  
"Oh, around. *We* went to bed early, because we didn't have dates like the two of you. So, naturally, we woke up earlier." Remus responded, throwing himself down onto his bed.  
  
"We figured you might be up by now and thought we should come have a look." Peter added, standing over them.  
  
James glanced at the silver watch that he always wore on his right wrist, and announced, jumping to his feet, "Our first class is in ten minutes!" The boys all jumped up upon hearing this, and they scambled out the door.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Lily slumped her chin into two hands and began to stare at the wall. History of Magic was, to say the least, very tiresome. It took all of her will just to stay upright and awake.  
  
Abruptly, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned her head and looked down, seeing an extended hand that held a folded piece of parchment. Taking it, she opened it up and saw at once that it was from Mary.  
  
Lily-  
  
Is there any way this class could possibly be more boring? How the heck did we last through the past six years of it? Oh well. I figured since we have twenty minutes to go in here, we may as well pass notes. It isn't as if Professor Binns will notice.  
  
~Mary  
  
Lily looked up to see the Professor standing in the front of the room, his voice droning on in the same tone. She looked away again. He ceratinly won't notice. I wonder if he'd notice if we all just got up and left. Hmm...not too bad of an idea. Picking up her quill, she began to scribble a reply.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Lily dropped her things in the common room and took out a piece of parchment. She had *tons* of work to do, and it was already late. There was only one other person still down there with her- a third year she had never seen before. Mary had already gone off to bed, announcing that she was exhausted. So Lily was left all alone to do her work in silence.  
  
James appeared at the foot of the stairs and stopped, seeing Lily. She didn't see him, and so he was free to stare at her. His dark eyes latched onto her face. He watched as her fiery hair fell into her eyes when she leaned over to write. James soaked in her image, not wanting to forget what she looked like.  
  
But she felt a tingling on her back, and looked up to see that she was being watched. She smiled. "Oh, hello. I'm just finishing my homework. What are you doing up?"  
  
"Oh, nothing. I wasn't tired and I decided to come down here." he glanced at her mountains of work. "Need some help?"  
  
Lily sighed in relief. "You know, that would be great." she patted the spot next to her on the couch, and he took it.  
  
They spent around an hour doing work, until Lily dropped her pen down and said, "I think it's time for a break. A girl can only take so much at one time." she stretched her arms and yawned.  
  
He grinned. "I'm beginning to really like you, Lily."  
  
"You've said. But thanks, and the feeling is shared." She grinned at him and rose from her seat. "We should probably be heading off to bed." she added, yawning again. He nodded, and rose from his chair as well.  
  
Lily realized how close they were standing, and James was looking at her strangely. She could feel his breath on her face as he leaned closer. She closed her eyes and didn't stop him.  
  
James kissed her lips lightly, but with emotion. Before he could go on, she pulled away and looked up at him. She noticed the look on his face, and knew what it meant. She knew what was coming. "Lily, I-"  
  
Softly, she said, "James, don't fall in love with me." and started to back away. Sure, she wanted this. She liked him, a lot. But, there were always her parents...and her future...what would happen if she got involved with him? But why did I say *that*? I've only known him for a little while. Who said anything about love?  
  
But James did not find this at all peculiar, and when she took a step back, he followed. She took another step, and he continued to follow, until her back touched the wall of the common room and she was trapped. He stared into her eyes unblinkingly, his face clouded with an emotion that Lily had never seen directed at her before. James saw the same emotion in Lily's eyes, and proceeded to tip her head up with his hand and kiss her lips lightly, like he had before. She raised her arms up to his neck and pulled him closer, opening her mouth. Her fingers tossled his hair as they kissed on. When they finally broke apart, James had a silly smile on his face, and Lily's eyes were still closed, her lips slightly apart.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Thanks for the reviews! (*frown* but I only got 19...) And those who wished me a Happy Birthday, I really appreciated it. You made me smile. ;) Anyway, just wanted to tell you that it meant something to me, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please, please keep up the reviewing! I'd really like to know what you thought of this chapter too, so *please* take a minute to click that button down there and write a few words!!! Or else, I might just finish the story without posting it....you see, because *I* already know what'll happen, whereas you don't....hehehe  
  
~Emily~ 


	5. Thoughts of Truth

A/N: Before I begin this chapter, I just wanted to say that I hope I'm getting the characters across the right way. I didn't mean to make Lily so...well, not totally whiny, but just...dramatic, I guess. As the story progresses, I think she'll be more fun. And James, well, he's supposed to be the heartbreaker at Hogwarts. He has a bad boy sort of reputation and always gets into trouble. He's the boy that your parents would say 'absolutely not' about. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that...if you did already, sorry for rambling, I seem to do that in all my notes...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 5- Thoughts of Truth  
  
Lily Evans sat in the common room, her face hidden behind a book. She wasn't actually reading. Oh no, she was just staring at the words, remembering the previous night and how she had felt when James had kissed her. All other thoughts had fled out of her mind, and he was all that mattered now. She didn't care about anything else, anyone else. But was it going to work? She didn't feel like thinking about that part of the deal.  
  
Sighing, she closed her book and tossed it onto a nearby table. That's it! Why do I keep coming back to what my parents are going to think, and how this will all affect my future? She rolled her eyes. Screw my future! For once in my life, I'm going to do exactly what *I* want to do, and I don't even care what will come of it!  
  
She rose from her seat, smiling to herself. Her heart was filled with a new determination, and she sustained that nothing, *nothing* would change her mind now.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
"Prongs? Prongs!" Sirius waved his hand in front of James' face, trying in vain to get him to listen. Ever since last night, James had been staring, his eyes unfocused and his face dreamy. Sirius concluded that something had happened to him last night. He knew his friend well enough to know when there was a girl involved.  
  
"Look! Lily in a bikini!" he yelled.  
  
This made James look up. "Where?" his head swiveled in all directions, searching for Lily. Sirius watched his friend, shaking his head as he burst out laughing.  
  
"Seeing as that caught your attention so quickly, I think I'm correct in assuming that something happened between you and Lily last night."  
  
James' face split into a silly grin, in fact the same grin he had had after his kiss. "She's awesome, man. I thought I just, you know, had a crush on her. But when I kissed her I felt something more there. It was so...different than any other kiss. It wasn't just a kiss, it was the beginning of something good."  
  
Sirius' eyes widened. "Whoa. Slow down. You're scaring me, old buddy. What are you trying to say?"  
  
"I don't know." James screwed up his face, clueless as he was. "I really have no idea."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
"Lily, would you mind telling me why you've looked as if you've been floating on cloud nine all day? I think your best friend has a right to know what's going on." Mary stood in front of her friend, making a point of folding her arms across her chest. She was looking very resolved on the fact that she wasn't leaving until she was given a proper answer.  
  
Lily looked up from her trance, seemingly just beginning to realize that she was being spoken to. "Huh?" she asked. "Oh, right."  
  
"And?" Mary tapped her foot to the ground impatiently, tugging on a strand of her dark hair.  
  
"Well, I...." she sighed. "I kind of...had an...encounter with James last night."  
  
Mary's blue eyes flickered with understanding. "You-You're involved with him now?" She had been wondering what was between the two of them since the Hogsmeade trip.  
  
Lily's lips curved into a smile. "Something to that effect. I'm not sure though...." she trailed off, for the first time realizing that she hadn't spoken to James since the kiss. "I don't know what he's thinking...he kisses millions of girls...why would he think we had something? He's probably out with some other girl right now..."  
  
"Lily," Mary replied softly, "this is why I didn't want you to get involved with him in the first place. He's...he's not exactly the most faithful person, and I don't think he's really looking for a lasting relationship at this point in life. Oh, Lils, please don't get depressed over this...there are other guys...besides, how would it work, anyway? You're parents wouldn't allow it, that's for sure, and what would you do then?"  
  
"Screw my parents!" Lily yelled at the top of her lungs. She smiled to herself. That was something she had wanted to do for a very long time. However, she sobered visibly. "But you're right. I...I just felt something in the kiss. I doubt he did though, and I shouldn't even be thinking about it. It didn't mean anything. I'm not going to mention it anymore."  
  
Mary smiled encouragingly. She really hadn't wanted to put Lily in a bad mood, she just didn't want her friend to get her hopes up. She had heard enough about James to know that he was perfectly capable of breaking Lily's heart. Her smile widened. "You know, you're right about the parents. I'm sick of worrying about it all, and whining about it to match. This year, everything is going to be perfect, and we're going to have fun. I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth about parents or futures, and I give you my word that you won't hear of it from me."  
  
Lily smiled brightly, rising from her seat. "Yes ma'am." she said in a strong voice.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
"Now mix your potions with your partner's, to form the finished Nerisitium potion." Professor Welch stood at the front of the classroom, hands on his hips and surveying the students' progress.  
  
Nerisitium potion was sort of like a truth potion. It let you hear the innermost thoughts of a person.  
  
Mary turned to Lily and whispered, "Stupid git. I can't stand that humungous nose. When I look at him, all I see is a nose with arms and legs." she screwed her own nose up in disgust, while Lily laughed quietly. She picked up her potion and dumped it into Mary's cauldron. The result was a bubbly, purple mixture.  
  
"We'll be testing them now." his lips curled into a slightly evil smile. "Everyone will get their turn." At hearing this, most of the students looked up with wide eyes, afraid they might say something embarrassing. Lily was one of those. But I shouldn't care. I mean, I don't have anything to hide...do I?  
  
To the Gryffindors' great relief, the Slytherins were to be first. Snape stood up, and under the supervision of Professor Welch, drank the allotted amount. His eyes flickered slightly and he began, in a flat, expressionless voice, "I don't really understand what's so unattractive about me, really I don't…but I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I pity myself. And I envy good-looking people, like Potter and his crew. Speaking of him, I caught him making out with a girl a week or so ago, and I was nice enough to not say anything to the teachers. I shouldn't have been, I mean, what Slytherin is nice to a Gryffindor…"  
  
"Thank you Snape." The Professor said, quickly reversing the potion. He certainly didn't want to hear any more about James' habits or Snape's whining.  
  
James laughed and said to Sirius, "I didn't know his thoughts were so…profound." They snickered.  
  
The rest of the Slytherins went rather quickly. Some of the thoughts were quite interesting, and others were a bit inappropriate. It wasn't long before, to Lily's dismay, Professor Welch reached her table. Mary was to go before her.  
  
"I'm worried." Her friend began, in that same emotionless, robotic voice. "About everything, not only myself, but Lily, and my family, and school…but I can't mention it to Lily, she has enough to worry about. We made a deal, we're going to have fun this year, so I think I'm going to talk to her tonight about how we're going to begin our fun…" it was then that she was interrupted. Some of the guys, upon hearing that she and Lily were planning to have 'fun' that year, put on smug grins.  
  
Lily's heart dropped as she remembered that it was her turn. What if I say something about James? What will he think? Wait a minute, I shouldn't care about that… Her thoughts stopped momentarily as she drank the potion. She swallowed, and a tingling sensation came over her. She was aware, but yet unaware.  
  
She heard her voice ring out, against her will. "I think too much, I'm getting a headache. I can't stop thinking about last night...but I don't know if he feels the same, and so now I'm worrying about that too. I don't know what to do, and I'm too scared to go up and ask him about it, because I don't want to be rejected. I dread going home, because..." she was stopped then, and as the potion wore off, she put a hand over her mouth. Oh my god. she could feel James' eyes on her back, but refused to turn and look at him. She settled for staring at her feet. I won't look behind me. And I can just avoid him for the rest of the year...yes, the whole year... She felt the heat rise in her cheeks as Welch moved on to Sirius.  
  
"I tried so hard- and got so far- but in the end- it doesn't even matter...." Sirius' singing was somewhat less than enjoyable, and so Welch agreeably decided to stop his thoughts there. He was about to move on to James when he happened to glance down at his watch.  
  
"Oh my, time to go!" he glanced at James and the rest of the Gryffindors who hadn't had a turn. "You got lucky. But next time, you'll be first..." However, nobody was really paying any attention to him, as they were already fleeing out the door.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
That evening, Lily started up the stairs to her dorm quietly and still a little embarrassed about earlier. She stopped suddenly when she heard a voice from behind her.  
  
"Lily," James began "I don't know exactly what you meant in Potions, and I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling now, but- well, if I have any idea, I think I can say that we've got something here."  
  
She turned slowly, and looked over at him. His chocolate eyes were gazing at her intently and his hair was all over his face. A strand of it fell into his eyes, making him (to Lily) appear even more cute, if possible. Her legs failed her, and she simply stood, returning his gaze. His outfit consisted of a pair of jeans, a white shirt, and a black leather jacket. He had obviously discarded his robe for unknown reasons. And how did he know that much about Muggle clothing?  
  
When the full realization of what he meant hit her, she (out of instinct) threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into a close hug. He grinned and hugged her back, but she pulled away quickly, blushing and refusing to make eye contact.  
  
"What are you saying James?" she asked quietly.  
  
He stared back at her. "I want to give this a try- you know, you and me. I think it could go somewhere..."  
  
She looked up at him then, her emerald green eyes running over his face. He looked serious, not like he was fooling with her. She didn't know what to say, and had never been involved in a relationship- not one she had chosen, anyway. And then Mary's earlier words rang through her head 'This year, everything is going to be perfect, and we're going to have fun...' Lily decided then that nothing else mattered, except what she wanted to do; she decided to follow her heart through this.  
  
She smiled. "And with you, that's saying something...Okay, let's give it a try then..." he grinned at her, that same waywardly grin that she had learned to love in the past week. There was a long silence, where her eyes went back and forth over his face, and his simply watched her. She began to feel awkward. "Soo, what now?"  
  
In answer, his grin widened and he raised his hands to her face, pulling her into a meaningful kiss.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: I hope you liked it! Thanks a whole lot for the reviews last chapter, I *really* do appreciate it! I love reading reviews (though I think every author does), they make me smile. Please review this chapter and give me your opinion!  
  
~Emily~ 


	6. The Marauders' Cave

Disclaimer- Hah! Do I even need to tell you that I'm not J.K. Rowling, and therefore own nothing of this, save the plot? I don't believe so, but in case you do, there you are. ;)  
  
A/N: Sorry this took a little longer than usual to get up. I've been kinda busy, and mostly scribbling in my notebook ideas for my original story- which I'm becoming rather fond of. Anyway, here's chapter six!  
  
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Chapter 6- The Marauder's Cave  
  
James casually leaned against the old wall of the Three Broomsticks, butterbeer clutched in one hand, the other hand half in his pocket. He looked the picture of a good-for-nothing, which is probably what he was going for. Unperturbedly, he glanced around the small pub, his dark eyes scanning and weighing the people inside.  
  
The door banged open suddenly, and his eyes followed the boys who walked in. Remus and Sirius' eyes ran over the room and, spotting James, they trudged over.  
  
"How long have you been here?" Remus asked, rather loudly in order to be heard over the other noise that engulfed the pub.  
  
"Dunno." James shrugged the question off, playing the role of uninterested.  
  
"Sorry we're late." Sirius added. "We had a run-in with Snape and his gang."  
  
"Again?" James raised one eyebrow. "He'll never learn, will he?" he shook his head and took another swig of butterbeer. "He's such a little wimp who doesn't know crap about real life. He's still attached to his mother's apron strings."  
  
"And I suppose you know all about real life, you know, in the real world?" Sirius said, a little sarcastically with a faint grin. However, he didn't receive the expected reaction. James just looked down into his butterbeer, his expression sober and unmoving. This was one of the times when Sirius and Remus felt like James was hiding something, but didn't dare ask after it. James could be, er, fierce if you inquired something of him he didn't appreciate. He would never hurt anybody, if he could help it, but he could be quite intimidating either way.  
  
"So," Remus decided it was past time to change the subject. "Are we going to the cave tonight?"  
  
Sirius shrugged. "Why not?"  
  
James glanced around, just then realizing that someone was missing. "Where's Peter?"  
  
"He stayed back at school. Wasn't feeling well or something." Remus answered. "Well, if we are going, then let's get some butterbeer and head out."  
  
And so they did. Arms full of sweets and butterbeer, they made their way to the well-known cave in the distance.  
  
They walked straight to the foot of the mountain, panting as they made their way through numerous rocks and boulders. When they reached a steep, stony path, they followed it, winding up higher and higher onto the mountain. They walked for around half an hour, before finally they spotted a familiar narrow fissure in the wall, and squeezing inside one at a time.  
  
Each of them blinked, adjusting their eyes to the dim lighting. It was the same cave as always, cool, comfortable, and probably known only to them. This was where the Marauders came to discuss everything from boys' gossip to their newest prank idea. Although they had their outings with Remus and all each month, they didn't have much time where they could talk undisturbed, and so, almost once a week, they found themselves once more sitting inside the cave.  
  
It had been during their second year that they first discovered it. James had dared Sirius to climb to the top of the mountain, and, by chance, he had instead discovered the small crack in the stone and led the other boys to it. Since then, they had come back frequently. Though usually, all four Marauders were present.  
  
James broke the silence with a casual voice, tugging his leather jacket around himself. "I wonder just what Peter is doing tonight that he couldn't come."  
  
"I dunno. But he's been acting a little strange lately." Remus said, settling himself on the floor and leaning against the wall. His two friends followed his example, and sat down as well.  
  
"Yeah, I've noticed it too. Though, Peter has always been a little, er, weird." Sirius said, his lips curling into a small grin. The others laughed quietly, remembering just when they had learned that of Peter.  
  
(flashback)  
  
James, Sirius, and Remus stood before the Hogwarts Express. It was gleaming; the sunlight bouncing off it like a ball would bounce on the floor. This train was the one they would see twice a year for the next seven years of their lives, and so they gazed at it wonderingly. Each of them clutched their trunks tightly, so they wouldn't be lost in the bustling crowd.  
  
The three of them had been friends for as long as any could remember. They lived in the same neighborhood, and their parents were friends. Actually, they had first met as infants. Though then, they had not even supposed that one day they would become best friends and pranksters together. Now they were inseparable.  
  
James felt something hit his back suddenly, and hard. He turned slowly, trying to make it apparent that he was not one to mess with. But his face softened, as much as it possibly could, when he saw the boy lying on the ground before him. He was slightly chubby, though not enough to be called fat, and his cheeks were flushed. He scrambled up, grabbing his trunk hastily. He looked up and saw the three other boys standing there, and his face turned completely red. Chewing his lip and gazing at James in apprehension, he stuttered, "I-I'm sorry. I was just running through the barrier, but after I got through I didn't know, and I kept on running with my eyes closed- until I ran into you." He looked a little nervous. "I'll just, er, be leaving now..." he turned away from them quickly.  
  
"Wait." Remus reached out to stop him from leaving. "Why don't you share a compartment with us? You're a first year too, right?"  
  
The boy turned around in excitement. "Uh-hu-" he started, but soon slipped on the freshly waxed floor and fell at three boys' feet in a frenzy of limbs.  
  
James looked down at him, raising an amused eyebrow. He laughed, and so did the other two, as the boy rose to a sitting position. Sirius held a hand out, and pulled the boy to his feet once more.  
  
"Welcome to the Marauders." he said, and they all turned back to the train, smiling to themselves.  
  
(end flashback)  
  
Yes, Peter had been a clutz, though a few years time had allowed him to grow out of it. He was no longer chubby either. As he had grown taller, it had all evened out.  
  
In the midst of their thoughts, Sirius decided that it was time to start talking. "So, what's new?" he said, leaning the back of his head against the cave wall.  
  
"Why do you ask that every week? You've been with us the whole time. What could possibly be new that you wouldn't already know about?" James said coolly, shaking his head slightly as the brown-haired boy grinned.  
  
"Funny you should mention it James. I do believe that you have been keeping your relationship with a red-head away from us for awhile now. Time to tell all, I say." Remus said, grinning mischievously and glancing at James out of the corner of his eye.  
  
James sighed, and smiled slightly. "It's not so easy to tell. She's so...complex. I can't even begin to guess what she thinks about anything. She's hard to read. But yes, we're going out now. She said 'let's give it a try', so that's what we're doing." he smiled widely. "I'll show her the time of her life."  
  
Sirius grinned impishly. "What exactly do you mean by 'the time of her life'?"  
  
James looked at him with narrowed eyes, and reached a hand over to swat him. "I wasn't even thinking about that. I really care about this one, Padfoot."  
  
Sirius continued to grin, and replied, "Oh, alright." He fell silent, and James had a far-off look in his eye.  
  
Remus was sitting quietly, deep in thought. He looked up after awhile, his eyes glinting with mischief.  
  
"So is our next prank still on?" he asked loudly, causing James and Sirius to jump slightly.  
  
They looked to each other in turn, grinning like fools.  
  
"Of course it is. Who's ever heard of a Marauder who backed out of one?" Sirius said, at the same time James said, "By the way, Padfoot, did you get everything ready yet?"  
  
"Uh-huh." was the reply.  
  
The conversation stopped short. Normally they had quite a bit to say, but nothing much had happened that week. So James jumped to his feet, causing the other two to follow him.  
  
"I wanted to see Lily before she goes to bed." James said softly, heading towards the exit.  
  
"Yes, of course you do, Prongs." Remus said. "I'm sure you two will have much fun tonight." he emphasized the word 'fun' and grinned.  
  
James shook his head and pushed the werewolf out the fissure. Whatever his friends said, he was certainly looking forward to talking to Lily. It would be the first time they had properly talked, since they had decided to 'give it a try'.  
  
So as they walked back, James had but one thing floating through his mind, and it was a person with red hair and brilliant green eyes, a person which he was coming to care about more and more lately, which surprised him to no end. He was sort of the player, and he never committed to one person for long, so he was a little afraid of his feelings for Lily. He couldn't understand them, and didn't know what he was doing, or where this was going. But, if he was sure of anything, he knew that he wanted to spend more time with her, to get to know her, and....possibly attain something more, something he couldn't describe.  
  
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A/N: Thank you a million times for the reviews. You make me happy, telling me you're enjoying the story ;) Anyway, thanks (midnightlily) for reminding me of the disclaimer- I, er, forgot...(oops). Oh, and Red, I put a little more Marauder interaction in this chapter, I hope you liked it =). Thanks for a longer review, they're even better than short ones, and I enjoyed reading your comments, as I always do. Well, thanks again to those who reviewed, I love you guys!!! Any more comments or requests for this chapter, anyone? Is this story keeping your attention, or do I need to make it more interesting? 


	7. Unwanted News

Disclaimer: Again...only the plot is mine.  
  
A/N: Sorry, bit of a longer wait for this chapter...anyway, don't want to keep you from reading, so I hope you enjoy ;)  
  
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Chapter 7- Unwanted News  
  
Lily was in one of those moods where you find yourself lost in thought, and nothing around you seems real or important. She simply stared at the wall, trying to analyze her life, though she knew not why. She thought through everything that had happened in the past few days- and the past few years of her life. So much could happen in so little time, and her new relationship with James was proof of that.  
  
She wasn't quite sure of what she was feeling for James. Sure, she liked him a lot...but was it anything past like? Supposing that was why they had started going out in the first place- to get to know each other better- she decided to see how it ended up. She was sick of worrying about every little thing; one of her main goals for this year was to relax a little.  
  
But when she was around James it seemed like there was something more there. It was like...he completed her. She failed to distinguish why or how. For example, that evening in the common room when he had first kissed her- she had been thinking something along the lines of love, and loving him, and at that moment it all seemed to fit; to work and make sense. And now- what did she feel?  
  
Lily lay back on her bed, stretching herself out across its soft fabric. Her brilliant green eyes were unfocused with contemplation; her auburn hair spread out over her pillow. She was unaware of everything around her at that moment, because she chose to be.  
  
So when Mary walked into the dorm, she sensed her friend's mood. Her sky-like eyes watched Lily, trying to decipher what she was thinking of. It wasn't easy; Lily was very secretive, and didn't tell even her best friend things that she thought unnecessary to tell.  
  
The black-haired girl didn't wish to cut into Lily's realm of thought, but thought it was the best thing to do.  
  
"Lily?" her voice strongly rang out into the silence that hung around them.  
  
It took her a moment, but Lily looked up at Mary questioningly. "Yes?" she asked.  
  
"Well, we never did discuss how we were going to make this year fun." a small smile crept onto her face.  
  
Lily's head turned slowly, her brilliant jade eyes looking up at Mary. She sat up, grinning devilishly. "Well, I believe that I've already started my little crusade for fun, what with James and everything. But you, you still have to make your first move."  
  
Mary was a little taken aback; she hadn't expected the conversation to be turned upon her. "Er- what do you mean?"  
  
Lily grinned and began to enjoy the conversation. "Well, it's your turn to do something unexpected...we need to think of something good. Unless you already had an idea in mind?"  
  
Mary's mouth worked silently and she began to wish she had never brought up the subject. "I don't know..." she trailed off quietly. She knew her friend well, and that look upon her face at that moment- it was bad news.  
  
"Well I do." Lily stated simply. "Why don't you ask out one of your many admirers- or maybe someone that you've had your eye on. That way we'd both be...involved."  
  
"But- I can't..." Mary trailed off looking away.  
  
"Why not? It's time we get you over that shyness. But I suppose you don't have to..."  
  
Mary spun back around, black hair flying out behind her. "No. I'm doing it. Remember, we made a deal to have fun, and no complaining."  
  
Lily smiled. "Yes, of course, how could I forget. So, who's the lucky guy going to be?"  
  
It was Mary's turn to grin. "Well, you know Daniel Hopkins?"  
  
"The Ravenclaw chaser?"  
  
"Yep, that's the one. Well, I was thinking I'd ask him...he is rather cute, I think..."  
  
Lily seemed to think about this a moment. "Sure...he's cute. But he can't hold anything to James..." she smiled while Mary rolled her eyes.  
  
Just then the door burst open to admit James Potter, of all people, in his usual attire and grinning like a fool. He strode over to where they stood at the end of Lily's bed, maintaining his grin and confident step.  
  
"Hello ladies." he addressed them smoothly. Lily gave him a small smile, contenting herself to merely watch him.  
  
Mary looked between the two of them before smoothing her robes and declaring, "I think it's time I be going," she smiled at the newly-formed couple and made a move towards the door. Lily grabbed her arm, however, and said softly, with a grin,  
  
"Do it now." and Mary nodded in consent. She left the room swiftly, looking a little nervous.  
  
James watched her go before turning back to Lily. "Do what?" he asked, confused to some extent. She just smiled and replied,  
  
"Oh, nothing that concerns you. Forget about it, it isn't important." she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled him down onto her bed, so that they were both sitting, facing each other. "Where have you been?"  
  
He grinned widely. "Oh, nowhere that concerns you."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
"Sirius?" Remus hissed quietly. The two of them were carefully concealed underneath James' invisibility cloak, tip-toeing through the Hogwarts castle and towards the Slytherin common room.  
  
"What?" asked Sirius, looking down to make sure that he was securely gripping the video camera under his arm.  
  
"You do know how to work that...thing, right?" he asked, glancing uneasily at their primary prank object of the day.  
  
Sirius smiled. "Of course. James showed me how. It is a wonder how he knows...but oh well. This should be good; I wonder if any of the Slytherins have ever even heard of one." Even through the dim lighting of the corridor, a mischievous glint was apparent in his cerulean blue eyes.  
  
They turned the corner, and found themselves walking the length of a dark, dreary corridor- the one which they knew (from past experience) to lead to the Slytherin common room. It was not a very happy hallway, but whoever said that anything Slytherin-related was?  
  
They reached the large portrait of a snake, curled up and nestled into the side of a tree. Sirius cleared his throat while Remus looked around to make sure nobody was coming.  
  
"Wizard Duel." Sirius whispered. The snake looked up and around, its thin, crimson tongue snaking in and out of its mouth. It saw neither Sirius nor Remus, of course, because they were wearing the cloak. Nevertheless, it swung forward to admit them, not asking any questions.  
  
The two boys stepped inside cautiously, looking around to see the common room filled with Slytherins. The room was painted a dark, uninviting green color, with furniture to match. The room was dimly lit; only a few candles hung in their holders on the walls. A group of the younger Slytherins seated near the door turned around to see who was entering, but noticing that nobody was standing there, turned back to their conversation.  
  
Remus was not one to be easily excited; he was usually calm, collected, and rational, with answers to everything. But he wasn't the one to take charge this time. Sirius grabbed hold of the video camera that he had so carefully been holding, and, noiselessly crossing the room with Remus trailing right behind him under the confines of the cloak, set it upon the fireplace, taking care to click it on.  
  
They then retired to a corner of the common room to watch, as some of the Slytherins first discovered it.  
  
"Hey, Narcy, look at this thing over here." one majorly stupid- looking one called out. A girl- with a long neck rather like Petunia's and a slutty carriage- turned around to look at it. She tapped the video camera, trying to figure out its purpose.  
  
"It's, like, blinking." she pointed to the red light. "Oh my gawd! Like, what is it?"  
  
It wasn't long before the whole common room was aware of this mysterious black object, with its blinking red light. Girls and guys alike were crowded around it, tapping on it, sticking their faces near it, and looking thoroughly confused.  
  
Meanwhile, Sirius and Remus were still hiding cautiously in the corner, but watching the scene with interest and laughing at the stupidity of the Slytherins. They decided, after some time, that they should be getting on their way. And so they took care as they treaded over to the camera, snatching it up and away from the Slytherins- who, upon seeing it disappear, were scratching their heads and staring about the room- and tip- toed out the entrance.  
  
After making certain that it was turned off, they high-fived each other and set off down that same dark and dismal hallway.  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
"No way." Lily exclaimed, punching James lightly in the shoulder.  
  
"I'm serious. We really did." he replied, grinning in reminiscence.  
  
"But I thought it was against the law to run around naked! Weren't you-" she was cut off as the door slammed open again, and this time Sirius and Remus were standing in the doorway, holding, of all things, a video camera and James' cloak.  
  
Lily looked slightly perplexed, but James simply continued to grin. "So it worked?" he asked, indicating the camera.  
  
"Yes, of course, did you ever doubt us, Prongs?" Remus said, strolling over to the bed.  
  
"So it's ready to show to the school in the morning?"  
  
"Er- how do we do that?" Sirius commented.  
  
James sighed. "Well, we hook it up to something called a television, which we can magically enlarge so that everyone in the Hall will be able to see it."  
  
"Oh." Sirius replied stupidly at the same time Remus grinned, "Alright."  
  
@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  
  
Lily and Mary seated themselves with the Marauders the next morning, watching them prepare their prank. It was not long after the whole of Hogwarts was assembled in the Great Hall that they brought the small television out- or rather, it appeared, since they were using the invisibility cloak, and magically enlarged before everyone's eyes. The students were baffled, some because they didn't know what this strange object was, and others because they didn't know what it was doing there.  
  
Lily watched as the television came on, revealing Slytherins sitting around in their common room, followed by the whole stupid episode of them trying to figure out what it was, their faces right next to the screen, tapping on it and making idiotic comments. It was all very amusing- but you would have to be there for it to be so. Decidedly, the Slytherins looked more angry than embarrassed.  
  
The television disappeared as quickly as it had come, and the Marauders reappeared without anyone except Lily and Mary noticing. After the laughter had quieted down, the mail arrived with hundreds of owls swooping down from above. Lily was a little surprised to find that a small envelope was dropped on top of her plate. She made a grab for it, slipping her finger under the seal and pulling the letter out.  
  
Dearest Lily-  
  
I just wanted to check up on you and see how school was going. I'm sure looking forward to Christmas this year- we're having a nice party and inviting all sorts of people. I'm assured that you'll be anticipating it too, after I tell you all that's happening. First, your sister Petunia has returned from her stay at the Dursleys', and it has gone quite well, I think. She is now proudly engaged to Vernon Dursley! Not my first choice, I'll admit, but he's from a respectable family either way. Also, your husband-to-be is coming! Isn't that wonderful, sweetie? You'll be able to spend some quality time together. Anyway, just thought I'd send you some good news and ask what sorts of things are going on at school.  
  
Love you always,  
  
Mother  
  
Lily just stared at the page, torn between annoyance and dread. *Good* news?  
  
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A/N: Thanks to all of my reviewers, once again! Y. Kuang- thanks a lot for that *long* review ;) Oh, and I did read that book a few years back- it's one of my favorites! I'm sorry I can't thank all of you one by one- but I'm afraid it would take up too much space. I'm happy that you all liked the last chapter, and I hope you liked this one too! There's no way of my knowing unless you review ;) so please do!  
  
~Emily~ 


	8. Confusion

Disclaimer: Hehehe...if I were J.K. Rowling, I would be writing book five right now....

A/N: Sorry for the wait! I know, it's been forever! But I can explain; I was in Arizona for a month, and then school started, and wow, did that keep me busy. Today is the first day that I've actually had time to sit down at the computer and type out new chapters for my stories. Thanks for being patient and I'll update again ASAP! Oh, and my reviewers- can't thank you enough!

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Chapter 8- Confusion

       Lily held her mother's letter tightly with both hands, as if, by strangling it, she would be strangling her mother. No, she didn't hate her mother...but she sure wasn't fond of her just then. She stared at the words until they became a blur to her emerald eyes; swirls of ink. Of course, the silent tears that fell down her cheeks were probably the cause of the blur.

       Mary stumbled out of the bathroom, drying her dark hair with a towel. She spotted Lily in her depressed state, and pulled her into a comforting hug.

       "Oh, Lils...I'm so sorry. It will all work out for the best, I promise you. I won't let you marry Patrick...I just won't." this, though inadvertently, caused the red-head only to sob harder, burying her face into Mary's shoulder. 

       "Th-there's nothing l-left to d-do." she sobbed, tears cascading down her cheeks. Straightening and pulling away from her concerned friend, she scrubbed at her cheeks and eyes with one hand, rubbing away the tears. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "But we promised not to complain...I-I'm sorry..."

       "Don't be sorry." Mary sat down on the bed next to Lily and took her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. "You have every right to feel terrible. Though I wish you wouldn't. I promise you, we'll find a way to get you out of it...you simply can't marry him." she smiled and decided that the best thing to do would be to change the subject. "You want to hear some good news?"

       "Sure." 

"I asked Daniel out-"

       "And?"

"And he said yes. We're an official couple. We talked awhile and, oh Lily, he's so sweet."

       Lily smiled, congratulating her friend and attempting to wipe away the redness around her eyes. "Can I meet him sometime?"

       "Of course. What? Did you think I would refuse?" she grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her up off the bed. "Let's go now."

       Before Lily could answer, Mary pulled her out the door, down the hall, and out of the Gryffindor tower. "Where are we going?" she breathed as soon as she could.

       "Well, Daniel told me that he'd be out near the lake with his friends today. He said I could join them, but I thought that might be a little weird. But if you're there..."

       In a couple minutes, they were squinting against the bright sunlight and making their way towards a group of boys gathered a few feet away from the lake. 

       Lily had seen Daniel around the school, but barely recognized him when he turned to smile at Mary. His hair was a sort of organized-messy, a light-brown color. He had a nice smile, Lily had to admit that. Only then, after Mary waved and smiled, did he look over at Lily with his azure eyes. Daniel smiled again, and she extended her hand. 

       "I'm Lily Evans."

His wink said, 'I know'. "Daniel Hopkins." he had a firm grip and didn't seem to have any trouble looking people in the eye.

       Lily looked up and scanned his friends. They were all decent-looking, in her opinion. But none of them topped James. She smiled inwardly.

       Daniel was still looking at Lily. "You're Head Girl, right?"

"Yes."

       "With James Potter?"

A smile and a nod.

       Daniel's face held no expression. "We have a match against Gryffindor in a week. You should tell him my team will be coming back quite a bit better than last year. He might want to get them ready." he grinned.

       "I'll do that. But I assure you, he'll just make a face and shrug it off."

"He's making a mistake then."

       "He won't think so." she smiled. "And just to let you know, I'll be rooting for Gryffindor." she looked at Mary, implying the unspoken question.

       "I'm undecided." the raven-haired girl looked between Lily and Daniel, deciding that they would get along, and smiled warmly. "Daniel, you wanna walk around the lake with me? Talk about what we were earlier?"

       He grinned. "Sure. I'll tell my friends." He did just that, walked over to the group of boys who had formed a little circle a few feet off. Lily turned towards her friend.

       "I'll be leaving then."

Mary jumped in hurriedly. "Oh- but you don't have to."

       "I should find James anyway." she smiled and turned away.

"Bye Lily! Nice to meet you!" she heard Daniel yell after her, and waved a hand behind her in response.

       "What was it that I wanted to ask James?" she inquired of herself. But she couldn't remember.

       She trampled through the halls, not aware of much around her. She had a picture of the letter in her mind, and unsettling thoughts were driving her mad. She had to find James. Maybe then she would forget about this. No. She couldn't tell him about it. He couldn't know. Not yet, if ever.

       She stopped, the sound of familiar voices reaching her ears.

"But Prongs- why this one?"

       A laugh. "Why do you think?"

"Money, isn't it? Just like the others?"

      "Of course. But those never lasted. This one is far richer, and we actually get along."

       "So you're using her?"

"Well I thought it was for something more. But you know me. It's gone now."

       "I know you're upset." Sirius' voice again. "But James, you can't give up what you still have just because of what you've lost." A pause. James must have given a silent answer. "Grow up, Prongs. Everyone has problems. Don't cause yourself and others more by using a girl for her money."

       Lily went cold inside. What now? Was it not enough to have everything else to worry about? This was worse. Much worse, in her eyes. She turned and fled down the hall, tears forming in her eyes.

       She only vaguely heard Sirius' voice behind her. He must have left the room just after her.

       "Lily! Wait a sec! I want to talk to you!"

She ignored him, continued to run. But he had stuck up for her, had he not? She should wait. See what he had to say. She stopped, and turned around slowly. Sirius skidded to a stop in front of her, panting.

       "So you heard that, did you?"

She nodded, a tear falling down her cheek.

       He sighed. "Well I'm glad you did." Lily looked up at him in confusion, probing him to explain. To do something. "James has a lot on his mind. I don't know what's wrong with him. He's never been this mixed up before. Never acted this thoughtless." he was pleading now. "Please. Give him some time. To sort it all out."

       She stared at him, her lips dry and pursed; green eyes panicky and wet with tears. Give him a chance? What chance did she have to give?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Mwhaha. I had a little of that planned out…but it turned out rather different than I expected. Must be the fact that I'm sick and half mad at the moment. Lol. If that was hard to follow, I'm sorry. It's hard for me to follow my mind sometimes ;). So, any comments? (besides that it was too short....I'm sorry about that too. No time, no time at all)


	9. Hopeless

A/N: Diamond490- Did I like Arizona? Of course I did! I was born in Tucson; I can't possibly see how people can't like it there. I go back every summer. Personally I love the heat and the desert. Well, never been where you live, but I hope you like it there =) 

       Anyway, I hope this chapter clears things up a little bit. I really was sick when I wrote the last one, lol, but I don't have the time to go back and change some things that I did too quickly. Well, enjoy this chapter! Two of my stories down (updated), one to go!

Thanks to so many people for reviewing!!

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Chapter 9- Hopeless

       She couldn't think; what was happening to her? It wasn't the end of the world...it really wasn't. Suddenly a river of anger invaded her mind, drowning all thoughts but what a jerk James was. Had Mary not warned her? Was this not her fault, in part? She pushed that thought out of her head and looked back up at Sirius, who had a concerned look on his face. She had never expected him to look like that, not this joker. Not this sarcastic, always happy guy.

       "Lily...he didn't mean it. You'll see." he paused, seeing that his words were anything but convincing. "He isn't who he appears to be. He acts immovable and impassive. But Lily, he isn't. He's upset right now...really upset. Half-mad might describe it better. Just give him time. Please."

       The tears continued to run down her face. "How am I supposed to believe that? How can you expect me to? I..." she took a deep sigh, trying to clear her thoughts and regain some composure. "I don't know, Sirius. If I mean anything to him, besides money...or whatever he was implying...then he'll have to find a way for me to believe that. I can't...I can't...." she gave up. "Thanks Sirius. For caring at all." she stood on her toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He stood motionless while she turned and walked down the hall, staring after her with troubled eyes. 

       As she ran through the corridors, she was unaware. She ignored the looks of people she flew past, not caring who they were or what they thought of her. All of her life she had been trained to care so much about what other people thought, but finally her conscience was getting the better of her.

       Lily entered her dorm room with a feeling of complete defeat. What was her life worth? She hated every bit of it. Her mother, her father, her supposed fiancé, this whole mess. _Oh, god. If you can't make my life better, at least spare me and let me die now. She threw herself on her bed, grabbing her pillow and curling up with it. _

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       Mary laughed. Daniel really was sweet. And funny, and cute, all of those good things. She had had more fun in this one afternoon that she had that whole summer. Not that the summer had been exciting by any means....

       "I should probably go, Daniel. I haven't done any of my homework, and it's all due tomorrow." she sighed and smiled at him.

       He grinned. "Okay. Don't work too hard; I'll want you to have some energy left when I meet you in the library tonight."

       "Tonight?" she shook her head good-naturedly. "You are impossible. Alright. What time?"

       "Say, 8 o'clock?"

"Sure, see you then." she rose awkwardly, not sure of what to do to say goodbye to him. He answered her question, speedily getting up and giving her a quick kiss. She proceeded towards the door, touching her lips and smiling. He just gave her another cute grin and waved.

       _Wow, she thought. __I could see this relationship lasting more than a couple weeks. That is, as long as he stays this sweet. God knows most don't..._

       It took her a few minutes to return back to her dorm, but her thoughts were so congested that she hardly noticed the walk. She was in such good spirits, that even as she walked through the doorway wondering where Lily was, it took her a moment until she realized that her best friend had curled herself up on her bed, looking miserable, and fallen asleep. 

       Mary walked over slowly, looking down at Lily's fiery hair, plastered to her face by what could only have been tears, which explained the redness of her eyes. She reached a hand out gently and pulled the pillow away, setting it on the end of the bed.

       "Lily?" she asked softly. Lily grunted and opened her usually bright eyes slowly, as if she wanted nothing more than to just keep them closed so that she would see nothing. Once her eyes were fully open, she squinted against the light coming in from the window.

       "God damn it all to hell." she said, and dropped back down to her bed.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       What had he said? He could hardly remember anymore. Was he drunk? Sure, drunk with too many emotions. James rubbed his head, which was throbbing furiously, angry with him, just as he was angry with his life. 

       Another letter from his stepfather. What good did this do him? To mope over these letters? But they did hurt. Every word was piercing. _Stop it. You're supposed to be a man. You're just proving everything he's accused you of._

       But why couldn't he have his own, real dad back again? What had he done, to deserve for his dad to be killed?_ Voldemort... the word rang through his head sharper and sharper at each repeat. His head had begun to throb in rhythm. _

       Worthless, he had said...hope you never come home again. "Well I'm not coming home." he mumbled. "I didn't last summer, and I can make it on my own from now on." What of his mother? She had meant so much to him, in those months after his father's death a year ago. But why did she have to go find more comfort, and why with this man? This horrible, constantly drunk man who hated him? No, he couldn't go back. Even for his mother. She could take care of herself, he was sure. He laughed sharply, with no emotion. _What good would I do anyway? I just make everyone else miserable. I am __worthless, for all I know._

       And then he realized what he had said earlier. A groan. Again he had done it, thrown his wrath onto someone undeserving. Someone who had enough of her own worries. It was okay though, she didn't know anyway. He would just find Sirius and tell him that he had been wrong...all he needed to do was find Sirius.

       He got up and cringed, wishing he could just go to bed and forget any of it happened. But sometimes that simply isn't possible, he reminded himself.

       Ambling through the halls with but one goal in his head, he began to think about how he was going to explain himself to Sirius. Well, maybe he wouldn't need to. Sirius had seen him like that many a time. But whoever knew anything anymore. 

       He burst through the common room and saw Sirius standing near the fireplace, gazing into the flames.

       "Padfoot...I didn't-"

"She knows James. She heard."

       A number of emotions ran through his head, none of which he was certain. "W-what do you mean?"

       Sirius spun around then to look at his friend, his expression angry and impatient. "You know damn well what I mean! She was in the hallway Prongs, she heard it all. She thinks you really are just using her." an infuriated pause. "I tried to save your ass, old pal, but it didn't work this time! Lily has enough on her mind, apparently, and she isn't stupid!"

       "But I-"

"I'm really not in the mood to help you this time. My mind tells me the more appropriate thing would be to help Lily." he stomped off, while James stared after him, speechless and with no godly idea of what he was going to do.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       The next few days were no better. Sirius was not talking to James, and James was sulky. He had approached Lily a few times, and she had pretended he was not there, tuning him out, refusing to hear an explanation. Rightfully so, in most peoples' opinion. Not that everybody knew...only the Marauders. And Mary, who was doing all she could to cheer a cheerless Lily up.

       Lily was back to herself, at least as near as anyone could tell. She had always kept things to herself, hid her problems as deep as they would go so that she would not look crazy, would not look depressed. Hell, she didn't even know what she was thinking, and she certainly didn't have time to dig that out.

       "Lily?" Sirius had come into her dorm again. He had been really sweet lately, doing whatever she wanted and coming periodically to say hi. It seemed that he was just as angry with James as she was. 

       She smiled. "Hey." she scooted over on her bed so that he could sit down. "I thought you'd never come. I was about to go down to the common room and search for you."

       He looked at his watch. "I'm only twenty minutes later than usual, what are you on about?" Sirius grinned.

       Suddenly Lily looked away. His grin reminded her of James. They were so alike, and yet so different, being best friends for their whole lives.

       "What? Did I say something wrong? Not James again..." he rolled his eyes. "He's been a jerk lately anyway. Don't think about him."

       Lily glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked so sweet, so nice, and helpful. A smile came to her lips as she turned her head towards him.

       "Sirius...I-"

He leaned down in one swift motion and kissed her, lifting her chin up with one hand, the other reaching her back and pulling her closer. Lily certainly didn't seem to have any objection.

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A/N: Lol, was that weird enough for you? I hope so! Any requests or comments or anything? Reviews really do make me write faster, and they make me very happy ;) I'd love to hear from any of you- whether it's a short or long review. If someone saw me reading reviews they would probably think I was crazy; sitting in front of the computer grinning to myself. But I do need to grin at the moment- I've had enough homework and tests, I'm falling asleep at the keyboard, lol. I thank you all for reading, it means a lot to me and sorry if none of this makes sense...but I really am falling asleep. Think I'll just go into my room right now... 8-)


	10. Defiance

A/N: Thank you, thank you for the reviews! I love my reviewers! Reviews make me so happy! Lol, some of you, if not all of you, I'd really like to reply to...but knowing how some people don't like that idea and just want me to get to the story, I'll shut up now.

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Chapter 10- Defiance

       Lily pulled away finally, her eyes still closed. They shot open, and immediately she began laughing uncontrollably.

"Wha-?" Sirius started to ask, but she raised a hand and covered his lips. Waiting a moment, staring at him seriously, she removed her hand and leaned in to kiss him again. She couldn't help it. Kissing him took all of her worries away; made them disappear as if they had in fact never been there at all. It was amazing, and she had no intention of giving up that natural high. 

Finally gathering some self-controlled modesty, she pulled back again slightly, turning her head to the side. Sirius kissed her cheek and underneath her ears, until she gave a small smile and scooted out of his reach.

"Sirius...I don't know..."

"Don't know what?" he grinned.

"What are we doing?" He shrugged in answer, but didn't appear to have any problem with whatever it was she was thinking. Lily sighed. "I just broke up with your best friend...and now here we are....Aren't you still going out with that one girl?"

"Laura? No, we broke up a few days ago. I couldn't take any more snootiness."

"Oh, and I suppose you aren't snooty?" He looked confused, so she just shook her head, as if to say 'nevermind'. "Sirius, do you really think we should? I mean...well, I don't know what I mean."

He laughed. "I think you mean to say that you want this. In any case, I do."

"Sirius...this is a bit too sudden...I don't like telling you this, but I'm not sure whether I really have feelings for you, past friendliness, or not."

He nodded, understanding. "Well, when you do know, tell me. Because I already know what I feel for you." he smiled and lifted himself off of the bed. "See ya later Lils." And he left the room, leaving her alone.

She put a few fingers to her lips, confused. Had she really done what she thought she had? Well, the moment had been right. But was the person? She shook her head. What a stupid question to ask herself. She was almost ready to admit to herself that no person would be right, whatever she might think. Hadn't she thought James was the right one, at least for the time being? That was a stupid assumption. She was too trusting. She gave in too easily. Did she ever do anything right?

Mary walked into the room, ready to see Lily sitting there looking depressed, like she had all week. Her blue eyes shone when she realized that Lily had a slight smile on her face.

"Er..Lils? Something wrong?" Tiredly, she dropped onto her bed and turned to face Lily again. 

"What?" Lily's eyes came back into focus. "Wrong? No, thing's wrong. Not really."

 Mary gathered her long, black hair with one hand and curled it over her shoulder. Then, she remembered seeing that same look on Sirius' face a few moments before, while he walked down the stairs leading to their dormitory...

"Lily- you didn't!" but she was grinning, amused. 

Lily laughed. "Depends on what you mean."

"You kissed Sirius, didn't you?"

"Mm."

Mary laughed again. "So, you really are planning on going all out this year, huh?"

"Whatever happens to insult my parents and their view of me, yes, I plan on doing."

She looked delighted. "When did you decide that?"

"Oh, a few days ago. Probably around the time I was crying over you-know-who."

"Honestly, you can say James' name. But that isn't the point- you sure about going all out?"

"What kind of question is that? Of course I'm sure! I'm sick of this. All of it."

"Good. Because I've decided the same thing." her blue eyes gleamed with mirth.

"Great! Where shall we start, then?"

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

 James walked into the Great Hall feeling dejected. But as he looked up with dark, detached eyes, he burst out laughing, his face splitting into a grin.

All of the male Slytherins' robes were flashing "I love men." and they couldn't seem to reverse them. And the girl's robes- "Party at my House tonight. Bring in the Gryffindors!" which the simple fact of knowing that the word Gryffindor was anywhere on their clothing infuriated them.

Everyone else in the school was laughing. Dumbledore seemed to be having a little bit of trouble keeping a straight face, and quickly took a sip of pumpkin juice to cover that. Eventually, though, he rose from his chair at the head of the room and the laughter fell silent.

 "I would like to see two young women from Gryffindor in my office, who I believe know who they are. And Slytherins, I would think it appropriate to see the charms teacher, for it seems that nobody else is so skilled in charms to be able to reverse that." he sat back down with shining azure eyes.

James immediately looked over at Lily, sitting there grinning stupidly with Mary. What was up with them? He was confused and astonished at the same time. Without thinking, he walked over to where Lily was sitting and sat down next to her. She didn't look up. "Sirius, I-" His heart sank. Sirius? Then Lily looked up into his eyes and fell silent before looking away again and promptly ignoring him.

"Lily, please. Just-" he watched as Sirius approached, gave him a silent look, and turned to Lily. He picked up her hand and gave it a soft kiss. Looking up at him, she smiled.

James watched sadly, and then got up and left with hands stuffed into his robes.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

 Mary and Lily laughed the whole way up to Dumbledore's office. Sirius, of course, had complimented them on their nice work. And they were proud of themselves.

They walked through the threshold and turned to face the Headmaster, who sat knowingly at his desk, his bright eyes watching them, concealed behind half moon spectacles.

"I would say that was amusing," he began. They grinned. "but it's also quite frowned upon." 

"We know, sir." Lily said. 

Mary added, "Er...sorry about that, Professor Dumbledore."

His eyes twinkled. "I'll have to notify your parents, of course. New policy I've thought up. With James and the others here...well never mind." he smiled again. 

"Notify our parents?" Lily looked up with relative interest.

"Yes, Miss Evans."

"Alright then." she and Mary looked at each other, grinning.

"Well, time to go back to class..." Dumbledore watched them, slightly confused as they walked towards the door, muttering excitedly to each other.

After they had shut the door, he said to himself. "They seem happy for students who have just gotten into trouble."

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A/N: All I have to say is- PLEASE REVIEW!! =)


	11. Secret Organization

Chapter 11- Secret Organization

       "I would think we should have gotten letters from our parents by now." Lily mentioned, her eyes sparkling and impatient. 

       Sirius joined their conversation, appearing behind Lily in the common room. "And if I didn't know better, I would think that you _want to be yelled at." he laughed, and the two girls smiled at him._

       "Whatever gave you that idea?" Mary asked, feigning innocence. By no means was she an actress.

       Lily stared at Sirius, trying to understand him. The past few weeks, she had spent a considerable amount of time at his side, and yet...and yet, still she didn't understand him. How was it that he was so happy, when his best friend was angry with him? And his other friends stayed away because they didn't want either James or Sirius angry with them. He made her feel whiny...perhaps she was anyway...

       They had said nothing more on the topic of becoming an 'item'. They did kiss every now and then. But it was a weird relationship; casual. Lily hadn't even sorted out her feelings since the first kiss. Nor did she plan too.

       "Sirius...let's go to for a walk. I'm bored." Lily said, looking over at Mary when he nodded. "Coming?"

       Mary just smiled faintly and uttered a "No thanks." She stretched and added, "I really should do some homework. Then again, I could always think up another way to make my parents angry, if this hasn't yet."

       Lily shrugged good-naturedly and tugged Sirius towards the portrait hole. With a wave at her friend, they disappeared.

       "You know, why did I ever care what people thought?" Lily asked, not completely realizing that she had asked aloud.

       "Instinct. We're taught to care."

"But why? Why do people torture their children by teaching them that?"

       "Why does the toilet water flow the opposite way in Australia?" Sirius retorted.

Lily gave him a bewildered look, and then shook her head. "That's the end of anything I'm going to ask you." 

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       James had been by himself, usually in the library or someplace where he didn't expect Sirius to suddenly appear. With Lily. 

       Sirius had known how much Lily meant to him; why was he doing this? But even as James accused his friend, he realized that it was his fault all the same. Sirius had a right to Lily...he had given her away, pushed her away even. 

       But it wasn't as if he spent his time moping. No, he had been watching. Noticing things. There were things about Hogwarts that one does not notice when they're surrounded by friends. Or perhaps all of this activity was new. Whatever the case, something was up. And James' intentions were to let Dumbledore know. 

       "Sir?" he asked, knocking on the door to the Headmaster's office. 

"Come in, James." The answer floated back to him, muffled. And James didn't even begin to wonder how Dumbledore had known who it was; it was useless to wonder those things. 

       He opened the door and proceeded to walk inside. "Take a seat. This doesn't appear to look like a short visit." James noticed that the Headmaster looked worn out, like all of his effort was spent already. In a way, he regretted coming up here to tell him at all. What if he were imagining things? He would just be giving Dumbledore something else to worry about...

       "Professor Dumbledore, I...well, I've been noticing things around the school." he paused, watching the other man's impassive expression. "I think Voldemort has followers here." Dumbledore didn't appear the slightest bit ruffled at the sound of the Dark Lord's proper name. Then again, why should he?

       A sigh. "I've been noticing oddities too, James. But I have many things that require my attention, of course. I can no longer keep two eyes on only the school." he seemed to be thinking, behind those half-moon spectacles. And then an idea came to him. "James, you're interested in Defense Against the Dark Arts, eh?"

       "Well, sir, Transfiguration is what I'm best at...but yes, I find it interesting."

"I think there's something that you could do that would greatly help me out."

       "Sir?"

"Would you be willing to give up a bit of extra time? For an organization, you see. Gather together some people that you know for sure that you may trust. From there, all of you should be keeping your eyes open. Obviously, Voldemort's followers are everywhere. What I want you to do is your best to learn of things they are planning, and who is planning them. I need to know this. You understand how much this counts for."

       "Yes, sir."

"You will?" 

       "Yes." he raised himself from the seat slowly, sensing the conversation coming to an end.

"Oh, and James? There is one more thing." his blue eyes glinted, the first hint of merriment James had seen from him since he had come in. "I would suggest getting Lily in on this. She is the Head Girl, after all. And we can trust her, I am almost positive of that."

       "Erm, yes Professor Dumbledore." he mumbled, leaving the room quickly.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       Lily and Sirius reentered to common room to find Mary grinning to herself in a chair near the portrait hole. Lily shook her head and lightly flounced over, grabbing the piece of paper sticking out of Mary's hand.

Mary-

Your father and I are very disappointed in you. We should have known, with your attitude when you left, that you were planning to be nuisance. If we happen to receive any more letters from Dumbledore like the last, you know what we'll do. And we won't be proud of it.

There was no signature, no clue to say who it was from. But they didn't need one. Lily frowned. "But where's my letter?"

       She felt a tap on her shoulder, and turned slowly to find James waiting there behind her, looking restless of her. She almost laughed, but then she remembered how angry she was with him.

       "What do you want, James?" she snapped, implying that he'd better make it quick.

       "I...well, I think we'd better talk about it over there."

"No, here is fine."

       James took a quick glance at the people present, and decided they should all three be included anyway.

       "Alright, fine," he grumbled. "I've noticed a few, er...things going on around here. Dumbledore has told me that he can't keep an eye on everything and given me permission to start an organization, pretty secret, of course. I thought you three could be the first members, maybe?"

       Sirius nodded at the idea, but not at James. Mary gave an okay, and Lily stared at him.

       "Well, obviously I'll do it, but I won't promise to be working with _you."_

James glared, turned, and stalked off.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       "Okay, well this is our first meeting of...of...well, we don't have a name."

"How about we worry about that later," Remus suggested. "There are more important things to do."

       "Yeah." Peter said softly from the corner of the room. James had invited only those two to join since inviting Sirius, Mary, and Lily, who were sitting together on the other side of the room.

       The room...which Dumbledore had given them, was one that even the Marauders had never discovered. Somewhere in between the kitchen and the Great Hall, it was comfortable, with chairs, a fireplace, and a few tables. Nothing special, but it felt right.

       "Well, okay...." James stood with his hands stuffed inside his robes, in front of everyone and looking around warily. "Has anyone really noticed anything?" Silence, staring. His impatience rose quickly. Lily was scowling at him. "Lily! I invited you to this because I thought maybe you would help. But if you aren't going to, then just leave!"

       "You don't even think you need help, do you James? You'd rather be doing it all yourself, so that you get all the credit."

       "That might be what you're thinking Lily, but it was furthest from my mind! I'm not a spoiled brat." he added fiercely.

       Her eyes flared, and she jumped up from where she was sitting, despite the attempts Mary made to hold her down. In one quick motion, she was standing in front of James, staring him down.

       "You know what, James Potter? You complain, you moan, you yell. But you don't think. You might not be rich, James, but sometimes less is more." she scowled at him one last time before flipping around and strutting out the door. James stared after her, his dark eyes wide and gleaming.

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A/N: Do you know what would make me very very very happy? If we could get to 200 reviews! Please- just leave me a short review- even one word will make me happy ;) And thank you so much to last chapter's reviewers! I love you guys!


	12. What Matters in Life?

Chapter 12- What matters in life?

       Quiet. This was the life of James, which he had learned to enjoy. He was now enabled to sort his thoughts out, and he could think of answers to his problems. At least, this is what he told himself; otherwise it might have been a different story.

He didn't think himself depressed. It was simply life. He lived each day to retire, and then he would wake and do it over again. Things were repetitive, and he didn't know what to think anymore. So much time spent thinking, and yet he didn't know his own mind. Was he going crazy? He sure didn't know.

 "James?" Peter stood in front of his bed, staring at him with watery, blue eyes. James simply looked back at him dully, no expression. "Are we going to have a meeting today?"

"Oh...yeah." A meeting. He had forgotten, as usual. "I'll get everyone and meet you down there, Wormtail. And you get Moony, take him down too." Peter nodded quickly and scampered off.

James reluctantly walked from the place where he had been sitting for the past hour or so. Thinking, of course. Was he the only one who thought this much? It didn't matter, he supposed. He didn't feel like one of the world anyway.

 Descending the steps to the common room slowly, he saw Lily, sitting with Sirius and Mary. A final sigh, and he interrupted their obviously happy conversation. Lily's smile faded instantly after she looked up.

"Yes, James?" she asked dispassionately.

He put on his best cordial face, knowing that nobody, himself least of all, wanted a repeat of the last meeting. "Well, we have a meeting now. I'm headed down to the room, if you wanted to come with me."

"Sure." Mary said, the only one who wasn't exactly furious with him. She hadn't expected him to be sincere anyway, he supposed. Well, she was smart. 

They made their way slowly down to the meeting room- the Order of the Phoenix room, at least that's what they had decided to call it eventually. Why? Well, Sirius thought it was a good idea because phoenixes had such healing powers...he thought they should think of themselves as healing dark problems. Though they did know that a bunch of seventeen year olds would not possibly make a very big difference, they chose to pick an original name. That was about the only thing that they had all agreed on lately...

"James? Are you coming in?" he looked up to see Lily standing in the doorway watching him, keeping her thoughts absent from her expression. He watched her a moment, watching him, and then nodded carefully. They both went in.

He went to the front of the room. He was, after all, sort of the head of the Order of the Phoenix, since he had been its first member… "First of all, anyone notice anything?"  
            

"Not besides the same thing as last week." Mary said, glancing around the room. 

"The Slytherins in particular seem to be cooking something up," Lily said, looked at James as if it weren't James at all, but just a statue. "I think something is going to happen. I don't know…I can feel it. But what is beyond me."

"Well that's our job, silly." Sirius said, elbowing her and grinning.

"I can say that I have a list of suspicious people who I think are Death Eaters…" Remus added, not noticing Peter fidget beside him. He glanced at the others. "Well, of course we wonder about Snape…and then dark magic seems to run in the Malfoy's family. And there are a few others we should probably be watching- Neman, Crout, and maybe Isharde."

"I agree." Lily said, giving the werewolf a small smile. "The only thing is, how do we watch them? We have classes, and we also don't want to give away what we're doing."

"Well, just keep your eyes open, Lily. As often as you can." He addressed her, looked at her, before he realized that there were other people present as well. He appeared surprised, but chose to ignore that he was talking, civilly, to his ex-girlfriend.

He was planning what to say next when Dumbledore poked his head in. "Hello. I have someone to add to your 'Order'. I hired Ms. Figg to keep an extra eye out. Of course, the rest of the school will know her as a counselor…she came up with that idea…" he opened the door wider, to reveal a woman who appeared to be middle-aged, though one never knew. She had long, dark hair and held a faint scent of cats. 

Ms. Figg took a few steps inside the room, surveyed them, and smiled politely. "You may call me Arabella." And they simply nodded, watching as she took a seat and Dumbledore exited with a wave.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  

            Lily watched Sirius silently, seriously considering the idea of them as a couple for the first time. She didn't know what she wanted, and didn't feel like she had enough time to spend dawdling on unimportant things such as this.

She was glad that Mary was happy. It was a big change in her friend, being around Daniel. And it was a good change, Lily hoped everything was going well. In fact, Mary was out with him right then, leaving her alone with Sirius…

"Sirius, have you thought about us?"

"Well, I can't say that I have a lot. Not really…I wasn't sure what you wanted." He glanced over at James unconsciously. 

"I don't know what I want anymore…but I do know what I deserve, and that's nothing."

"Why do you say that?"

"Think about it, Sirius. James wasn't mean to me first, but then I was a total bitch. And I've always been that way…he's right. I'm a spoiled brat."

"Lils, you heard him _say that he was using you. You can't possibly think that __that was your fault." He replied softly, in his own world. _

"That doesn't remove the fact that I'm spoiled. I can't change that…" she looked down at her hands.

"Lily," he said softly. "What matters in life? To you?"

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@  

            Lily was worried about James. No, she didn't care about James…yeah, she was worried about James. He was walking around with bloodshot eyes, dark circles, the whole deal. And he smelled like liquor. What was going on? And she thought she had problems…

Mary entered the room, smiling as usual. "Another day with Daniel, I presume?" Mary just grinned in response. 

After a moment of silence, she asked Lily, "Do you think we should ask Daniel to be part of our group? The Order of the Phoenix, I mean?" she looked hopeful.

"Well I think that would be fine. But James is probably the person to ask…" Lily replied.

Mary grinned. "Well, can you ask him then?" her grin widened.

"Er, I guess so." She sighed deeply. "I'll go find him now."

She walked to the door, giving Mary a wave before she left. Why did her friends do this to her? She thought Mary had thought of James as a player…and yet she seemed to want to get them back together. What had happened? Even Sirius was reluctant to do anything with her anymore. He kept mentioning James. Although they were still angry with each other.  Oh, why did everyone have to think that James and Lily were meant to get back together? _Whatever, she thought, __they're all wrong. She moved inside the seventh year boys' dorm._

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A/N: Wow! Thanks soo much for the reviews; you really did make me happy when I got home- very happy. Just wanted to let you know that I appreciate it quite a bit!! Please review again? ;)


	13. Nobody's Perfect

A/N: Btw- OFNF readers, I'm almost finished with that chapter, so it should be up in not too long...I've had less time to write lately; my sister has come home from college for a bit, so I've been out with her. Lol, sort of a fluffy chapter, maybe a little angst...if that gives you any hint...

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Chapter 13- Nobody's Perfect

       James was sitting on his bed, clutching a bottle of beer tightly in his right hand. He didn't see Lily come in at first; it was dim. Dreary was a better word for it. She could smell something wrong in the air, and it wasn't the alcohol.

He looked worn, faded and torn. Lily's heart broke and she couldn't figure out why. She hated him, hated what he had done to her...didn't she? Or was it possible that he had done it to himself? 

She took a few steps, moving closer to him. Without looking up, he heard her approach. One flick of his wrist had the bottle of beer smashing against the wall, leaving a trail of liquid on the wall and tiny pieces of glass on the floor.

"Look at me!" he said loudly but almost incomprehensibly. "Look at who I've become! A hypocrite, a drunkard. I'm a liar and a coward." he closed his eyes and added softly, "I am the person I thought I would never become."

She knelt before the bed, before him, and brushed back a strand of wayward black hair with her fingers. "Nobody's perfect, James. Nobody's perfect." she whispered, staring into his dark, miserable eyes.

A lone tear raced down his cheek as he shook his head. "You are."

There was a long silence, and she stared at him, frozen. Regaining her sense of feeling, of thought, she replied softly, "I am what I am, James. And it's far from perfect. I don't know what's happening to me, what's happening to you, but- it can be fixed."

"Nothing can be fixed. Nothing will ever be fixed." He laid his head into his hands to hide the tears he knew were going to come. But she reached out and brought his head to her. Settling herself next to him on the bed, her arms encircled his body, and she hugged his head to her chest, brushing black hair away from his face. Tears began to form in her eyes as well. She had missed this. Being able to do this. So they sat, comforting each other.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       Mary hummed to herself, almost positive about what was happening with Lily and James at that moment. She felt like congratulating herself on a job well done. She and Sirius had spent time together without Lily, though whoever knew if Lily realized it. After Sirius had gotten over his anger at James, they had been thinking. It was plain that Lily and James loved each other, or maybe they weren't there yet, but it was clear that they _would love each other. It all worked, except for the fact that they were angry with one another. And Sirius had admitted that he had felt something for Lily. But James felt more._

Suddenly the door to her dorm sprang open, and in walked Sirius.

"Speak of the devil." Mary said. 

Sirius stopped and gave her a bewildered look. "What?"

She laughed. "I was just joking."

He crossed his arms defiantly. "Well it isn't funny, you know."

"Oh well. I tried." she continued smiling thoughtfully.

"You know..." he began. "I have another idea on how to get Lily and James back together..."

"Sorry, I beat you there." she pretended to glance at her watch. "Yep, they should be at it right about _now." _

He sighed, jumping up. "When were you planning on telling me? We're missing the action!" He raced from the room.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

       Lily needed James and James needed Lily, and it was as simple as that, right? Well, maybe to other people. She looked down at the man she thought she loved, so suddenly, so much, and so unexplainably. How did it happen that she loved him? Or maybe it wasn't love. Too rushed, too soon. How did it happen that they needed each other? It wasn't right...she wanted it...but could it work? Would they be able to make it work? Not just the relationship, it was more than that. Even if they were both totally committed to each other, they would not be free to do anything with that. And so Lily came back to the chains that she felt dragging her down...

She pushed his head away from her embrace, rose from the bed. He watched her tearfully, and smiled solemnly, faintly. "Go Lily. I know you will. Just go."

She sniffed, wiping one eye. Slowly, she turned towards the closed door (which she hadn't closed), and took a couple steps. Then she stopped. With one swift, invigorated motion, she streamed back to him. Grabbing his face with two hands, she smoothed his hair back, and kissed him slowly without any trace of modesty. An old, empty bottle of beer rolled off of the bed with a clunk, forgotten. Eventually she pulled back, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. 

And then the door popped open. Mary uttered an "oops." and Sirius laughed while he snapped a picture. Lily glared at them, and James looked disturbed.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" demanded Lily.

"Oh, well, you know....aw, come on, just a little fun Lils." Sirius replied, unable to wipe the silly grin off of his face. 

James stared at his former best friend...or wait. Since he and Lily were sort of together again, was it necessary to be angry with Sirius anymore? Obviously, he had had some part in getting them back together, grinning as he was.

Lily bit her lip to keep from grinning back. "Unless you what me to kick your ass, I suggest that the both of you leave right now."

Sirius made an 'o' shape with his mouth and covered it in feigned disbelief. But Mary hit him on the shoulder, nodded encouragingly to Lily, and closed the door. Lily listened for a bit, hearing muffled sounds and then finally a "Get your eyes away from that keyhole!"

Lily allowed herself to laugh while she turned back to face James, who was watching her with a revering expression. "James?" she whispered, noticing that she could feel his breath.

"Mm?" he replied, not tearing his eyes away from hers.

She pulled back. "This isn't going to work...unless we work some things out."

He nodded carefully. "We have a lot of working out to do, I think."

"James, this relationship isn't going to work like we had planned it to. Neither of us are in a position at the moment, I don't think, to be having some sort of nice, casual relationship…"

"When did I say that I wanted it to be that way?" he asked, and she let him kiss her.

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A/N: Aw, yes, how sweet. Lol, anyway…_please review, I need encouragement people…(or just an 'it was horrible' will do fine) hehehe_


	14. Discovery by Accident

A/N: I'm so sorry it took this long to put this up! First my computer broke, and then we were overloaded with homework...gosh, it's November and I can't wait for summer to get here! Anyway, here's chapter 14, and I'm sorry again! Thanks to the reviewers ;)  
  
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Chapter 14- Discovery by Accident  
  


Lily pulled back with a smile on her lips. "I'd forgotten how much I needed that." James nodded absently. "James, I don't know what to say. I don't date guys who drink, for one."  
  
  


He looked up at her then with unfocused brown eyes and smiled. "Okay...I don't need it with you here; you intoxicate me anyway."  
  
  


She laughed. "You're so corny. Now, anyway."  
  
  


"Anyway, what? I'll do what you want me to, name it."  
  
  


"You're being cooperative. That's a first."  
  
  


"I thought you'd like it."  
  
  


"Now you've made me lose my train of thought." she sighed, shaking her head. He caught her lips in a short kiss.  
  
  


"Did that help?"  
  
  


"No," she smiled, leaning forward to kiss him again.  
  
  


Just then the door opened again with a click, and Mary stepped in, smiling. "This is all going very nicely...Sirius has informed me." her smile faded and she scowled at the door, where their good-natured friend appeared, looking sheepish.  
  
  


Mary simply shook her head. "It's time for dinner anyway."  
  
  


"Dinner?" Lily asked, finally turning away from James.  
  
  


"Yeah- you know. It's when you eat and-"  
  
  


"I know what dinner is!" Lily replied in a loud voice. "I was just-"  
  
  


Lily's owl flew in the open window and landed on her lap. Dropping a letter and nipping her finger, he disappeared in a flash. "What?"  
  
  


"Close the window, Padfoot. It's cold in here." James directed at his friend.  
  
  


Sirius grumbled, nevertheless moving towards it. "And who's fault is that?"  
  
  


Meanwhile, Lily was busy reading her letter, with Mary glancing over her shoulder. James stayed where he was, afraid of making Lily mad at him again.  
  
  


Suddenly, Lily burst out laughing. Sirius returned to the bed and gave her a confused glance.  
  
  


Lily began to read aloud. "Dear Lily, your father and I could not be more upset with you than we are now. You've always been a good student, and we don't understand what's going on this year. You should be ashamed. Are you trying to give us a bad name? I should have sent you a howler, but I'm not that cruel. I assure you, if something like this happens again, you'll be getting them daily. You'd better shape up soon. We'll be checking on you." She stopped there, glancing over the top of the parchment and meeting James' eyes with another smile.  
  
  


"So- how about dinner?" Sirius mentioned, and they all nodded.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  


James laughed, still a little drunk. "You know Lily, with that letter from your mum, you would think that you'd been expelled or something. Geez, you must have been ms. perfect before." he thought back to how many pranks he had done and how his mum had only shook her head. Now she didn't even care anymore...  
  
  


Before Lily could reply, Mary broke in, "Did you ever ask him about Daniel?"  
  
  


"No...I got carried away..." Lily replied, grinning. Sirius whistled under his breath before taking another sip of pumpkin juice. She turned back to James. "How do you feel about inviting Daniel into the Order of the Phoenix?"  
  
  


"That Ravenclaw?" James said, as if he had been a Slytherin.  
  


"Yes, that _Ravenclaw." Mary said sarcastically. "He's trustworthy, you know."  
  
  
_

James shrugged and glanced at Lily, trying to discern her opinion. "Yeah, I guess so. You can tell him. Our next meeting is in two days- same time."  
  
  


"Cool, thanks James." Mary grinned and Lily flashed him a smile.  
  
  


"Are you some sort of controlling girlfriend?" James mouthed at her, while Mary and Sirius were busy talking.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  


Lily spun around, feeling a hand touch her side. Her wand in curse position, she realized that it was just James and grabbed onto his hand.   
  
  


"Well hello. I thought it was that one guy again..."  
  
  


James was all attention. "What guy?!"  
  
  


"Oh, nobody." she grinned, pulling him into the Astronomy tower.  
  
  


Professor Kracson was new; the old Astronomy teacher had finally retired. It was about time, anyway. Mary and Lily had joked about how he would have fallen dead anytime. Not that they wanted it to happen...it was simply amusing to think about.   
  
  


Lily pulled him right over to an empty desk in front of Remus and Peter, who had been hanging out with each other quite a bit lately. She glanced at the head of the classroom, just as Professor Kracson began.   
  
  


"Well, it's nice to be at a new school, and Hogwarts at that." his bright eyes scanned the classroom, stopping on a girl in front of Lily, who she didn't recognize. He had seen them before, the past week. Lily wasn't quite sure what he was doing...  
  
  


"You must be Heather Ball!" he exclaimed, very excited. The girl stared at him, bewildered.  
  
  


"Er- yes sir."  
  
  


He smiled apologetically. "I had your sister, Katie, at my last school. You two look remarkably similar."   
  
  


"Oh."  
  
  


"Now I've had the two Balls!" he added, still smiling.  
  
  


Naturally, everyone in the class burst out laughing. James looked like he was about to choke. And poor Professor Kracson had no idea why they were laughing, and so laughed along.  
  
  


The noise finally died down, until the Professor was the only one cackling. He quickly noticed this, and cut off sharply.  
  
  


"Humph." he smiled at them. "Let's get right into the lesson...."  
  
  


Lily tuned out and turned to James, still grinning, and gave him a little squeeze.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  


 James walked back into his dorm grinning. Everything was great now that he and Lily were back together. He hadn't known, but he did need her. For the time being, at least. He didn't want to get into a long term relationship, and didn't think she did. But they weren't so casual anymore either.  
  
  


He found that the three other guys were already there in their pajamas.   
  
  


"Late night with Lily?" Peter asked, winking.   
  
  


James simply gave him a weird look, but Remus was grinning. "You seem like her new dog. You follow her around everywhere."  
  
  


"She would have told me to leave if she wanted me to!" He defended.  
  
  


"Sure." Sirius added. He turned and whispered something to the other guys and they all began to cackle.   
  
  


James rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed, pulling his robe over his head. He threw it aside and saw a note lying nearby. Picking it up, he recognized it as the note from Lily's mother. His eyes perused it, expecting another laugh. "We'll be checking on you. I just hope your fiancé doesn't find out...." James' grin faded quickly. _Fiancé?__ Fiancé??   
  
  
_

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A/N: I really wanted to make that much longer...but I should go study for Spanish. Please review! I swear eviews really do make me write faster!


	15. Foolish Arguments

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry! Writers block is horrible! Oh, I feel so bad for not updating in forever- really I do. Those of you who are still with me on this, you have endurance! Lol, thanks to all of you!

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      Chapter 15- Foolish Arguments    

            James' eyes ran over the words until he felt himself going cross-eyed. _No, this is impossible. Lily wouldn't- couldn't- He jumped up from his bed, ignored the fact that he had on only boxers, and ran out of the dorm in a fury. He left three very confused Marauders behind._

            As he entered the common room, he ignored the people still awake who were staring at him, and stomped over to Lily and Mary, who were bent over mountains of homework assignments.

            Lily looked up and grinned. "Hello James. May I help you?" Mary snickered.

James had a million things that ran through his mind that he wanted to say, but it seemed that his mouth wasn't communicating with his brain. He wordlessly held the letter up.

            Lily's emerald eyes stared at it, and her mouth dropped open. She took a deep breath, moving her glance and staring at his face. "James…I never meant to hurt you. Really, I was going to tell you and-"

            "Oh really? You were going to just come out one day and tell me that you're getting married?!"

            Lily blushed as the whole common room looked over with confused expressions. Not only was he yelling- the Head Boy was also half naked in front of the Head Girl. "James- please- keep it down a bit. Let's talk about this quietly and I'm sure that we can-"

            "Can what? Plan your wedding?"

Mary was smiling and trying to cover it up with her essay parchment.

            Lily flinched. "You're taking this all the wrong way. You don't understand-"

"No! I _don't understand! I guess I never did understand!"_

            Lily leapt up from her chair and threw her homework down. "Fine! If that's the way you want to talk about it, then come on! Let's yell and scream at one another!"

            Now some students were coming down the stairs, rubbing sleepy eyes with bewildered expressions. Mary scooted a little farther away, still watching over the top of her homework and finding it somewhat amusing.

            "I don't know what you want me to tell you- what I can say that'll make it better! Now you know! So let's go from there." Lily was saying.

            James scowled. "I can't believe you! It's- it's cheating, that's what it is!"

"Cheating, James? Cheating? You're the one who totally used me! How do I know that you still aren't? That all the moping around wasn't staged?"

            James stared at her, his eyes wide. "I…Lily! We're talking about you and this- this _engagement! Not me!"_

            "But why not talk about you? You list all of my faults- how can I ignore yours?" She asked stiffly, looking smug.

            He was becoming even angrier. And he couldn't think of a comeback. "You- you are _not going to win this argument!"_

            Lily rolled her eyes. "What does it matter who wins, James? I thought it all meant something more to you- you know- more than a game? But I guess not." She turned away, gathering up her things and walking towards the stairs. 

            "Yeah- I guess not! It's over, Lily, and this time you'd better believe it!" he yelled after her. 

            She disappeared around the corner. James stood in the middle of the common room, glaring at all the people watching him, and folded his arms across his chest. Suddenly, Lily showed up at the top of the stairs again. "What do you mean _I better believe it? Are you mad?! Who followed who around?" she paused. "__I was ready to leave you alone forever. Now I guess I can!" She stayed there, staring at him and he was staring at her.      _

            The Marauders approached and stopped at the top of the steps, looking back and forth between them before shaking their heads and grinning. They proceeded to turn around and walk back up the stairs. 

            Sirius nudged Remus and said, "Of course they'll be back together by next week…" they grinned and Peter nodded. 

            Meanwhile, James walked up to Lily slowly, not taking his eyes away from hers. He stopped in front of her and poked her a few times. "You are so infuriating." He said, and then walked past her and up the stairs to his dorm.

            Lily glared at the students in the common room, whose eyes were as wide as possible and some with mouths open. "Oh- go stare at something else. There's nothing to look at here." She muttered, walking back down to Mary and scowling at her laughing friend.

            "You are _not making me appreciate you right now." _

"I'm sorry- but you two are so funny! Really, Lily, you should have told him that you don't want anything to do with your fiancé. It might have made a difference, you know…"

            "Well maybe I didn't want it to! We're finished, and that's that."

"Uh-huh." Mary said, her aqua eyes filled with tears of laughter as she watched her red-headed friend in a fury. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Lily woke up the next morning with an extremely bad headache and barely made it to the bathroom, where she took a couple aspirins.

            "What's wrong, Lils?" Mary leaned against the door frame, smiling.

Lily rubbed her temple. "Nothing. Just a headache."

            "I guess I shouldn't ask where the headache's from…or who." She mumbled, smiling and stumbling back out into the dorm to put on a fresh robe.

            Lily scowled into her mirror. "I can already see that today doesn't agree with me."

"Oh Lily, it won't be that bad! I'll make it fun!" Mary's voice floated back to her.

            "Damn…I didn't mean for her to hear that." She mumbled to herself.

"You forget- I have good hearing!"

            "Darn you!"

"I think someone is a little grumpy this morning."

            "You would be too, thank you very much. But seeing as you find it so amusing…"

"I don't find the _situation amusing, Lils. I find the way you two are handling it amusing- it's like two little kids squabbling over who gets the last cookie." _

            "It is not!" 

Mary grinned.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Prongs? Are you getting up today, or what?"

James grumbled something inaudibly and threw his covers back. "Does it matter?"

            Remus and Sirius gave him an identical strange look. Peter was busy trying to find his favorite pair of socks. "Er- something wrong or…"

            James glowered at them and jumped out of bed. "No! Nothing at all is wrong!" he slammed the door to the bathroom.

            "Strange, strange little man…" Remus mumbled to Sirius. 

"I wonder how Lily's handling it." Sirius replied.   
            "Oh, who knows. She's probably being all logical about it and-"

James came out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth, and attempted to say around it, "Frankly, I don't care how she's handling it! There's nothing to handle!" but it came out more like, "Frumbe, I don car ho sh hanming et! Tharnotbthandm!"

            The others simply stared at him.

"Time for breakfast!" Sirius announced, parading out the door.

            All throughout the meal, James' and Lily's friends were amused, and annoyed all the same, to find that the two of them were glaring at each other and paying no mind to their plates of food.

            Although, Sirius didn't mind much. He simply ate James' food. Remus grinned at Mary, who didn't know him very well and only gave him a small, entertained smile in return.

            Lily suddenly threw down her fork, gave James a last scowl, and stomped away quickly. "What?" Mary yelled after her. "Did he send you a telepathic insult?" She winked at the Marauders and ran after Lily.

            "I just don't understand how someone can be so cocky, and so insufferable, and so- so stupid!" she was mumbling to herself.

            Mary walked beside her. "Well, Lily. _I don't understand how the two of you can be so obviously absorbed in each other, and yet you can't even sit down to talk it out like adults."_

            Lily stopped walking and glowering, and turned to look at her raven-haired friend. "Oh, Mary- what am I going to _do?"_

            Mary smiled and gave her a hug. "You already know what to do. And I already know it will happen."

            "I just don't think it's worth it. I'll just get even more involved with him to become disappointed, because there's no way out of my mum's ideas and-"

            "Oh there's a way out." Mary's eyes twinkled. "There's always a way out. It just might take some time to find it."

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A/N: I'm sorry it was so short- I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with any good ideas. I hope I didn't bore you _too much! _


	16. Shortlived Resolution

**A/N: Wow- it's about time- huh? Those of you who read my stories a long time ago, I was pretty good about updating then. Granted, I have more stories now and much less time. Lol, I think what I'm trying to say is- Forgive me! I'll be better about it from now on, trust me!**

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            "I can't believe it's almost Christmas!" Lily announced to the mirror, or rather, Mary's reflection in the mirror. She turned around and ran a hand through her auburn hair. 

            Mary looked up from her long strip of parchment lying on countless books, ink and quills scattered across her bed; and she sat in the middle of it all. Lily smiled. Her friend scowled. "Oh, shut up. Just because you finished all of your work early doesn't mean that you can look all smug about it!"

            Lily sighed playfully and sat on the edge of her friend's bed. "I'm not being _smug about it." She paused. "I was about to offer you help. But I guess you don't want it." She went on airily, shrugging._

            "But-"

An owl flew through the air before she could continue, and landed on Lily's arm. "What's this?" the redhead pulled the letter from the owl's talons and patted it thanks. She opened it slowly, thoughts running through her head a little too quickly, for she knew who it was from.

Dear Lily, 

Although we are disappointed in you still, we of course want you home for Christmas. The party, remember? Patrick will be there and I know you two will have fun together, you just don't know it yet. Petunia's fiancé, Vernon, will also be attending. I would like you to meet him; he's such a nice and respectable young man. Either way, dear, we love you and I will be at King's Cross to pick you up. 

Love,

Mum

"Shit."

            Mary looked up. "Tsk tsk. What requires such language?" she briefly scanned the room. "That's weird," she tapped her chin. "James isn't here."

            Lily grunted and hit her friend on the arm while she laughed. "That wasn't funny. I'm talking about _this." She held up the letter. "You know- I told you about the Christmas party…"_

            "I forgot about that!" Mary screwed the top on her ink. "Oh no- what're you going to do?"

            Lily gave her a hard look. "I was hoping, considering you're my best friend, my only friend, you would help me out with that minor detail."

            "Oh, right. I said that, didn't I?" she received another light whack from Lily. "Alright, alright! We'll come up with something." She paused. "But couldn't you, well, help me for a few minutes first? Maybe?"

            Lily sighed and nodded.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "You're no fun anymore James!" James Potter suddenly found himself surrounded, no, engulfed, by his three friends. It wasn't very pleasing.

            "You need to stop this."

"You've always been moody, Prongs, but ever since you fell in love with Lily-"

            "WAIT RIGHT THERE!" James roared, his dark eyes annoyed and angry.

"What?" Peter asked quietly.

            "I _never loved her!"_

"Oh, come on Prongs. Be a man. Of course you did."

            "Fine. Did. Not _do. There's a difference."_

"Yeah, right." Remus added. "Now- the problem is- ever since your breakup with Lily, you haven't been so up for pranks anymore, and we're sick of it. That's why we've decided-"

            "-to set you and Lily up again!" Sirius finished for him.

"_What?"_

            "Yep." Peter joined in. "Tonight, since we're all leaving tomorrow."

"You have got to be kidding me." James' eyes were wide. He suddenly chuckled. "Like you're going to get us in the same room together." He continued to laugh, but his friends only smirked.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            Mary had been wearing that 'I know something you don't know' look all day, and Lily didn't like it. She would have to keep an eye on her. And the fact that she'd been talking to Sirius lately_ really didn't make her feel any better._

            "What's going on?" Lily asked slowly. 

 "Nothing. I don't know what you're talking about." Mary replied hopelessly. "I did, however, think that we could go for a nighttime stroll around the castle."

            "Are you crazy? We'll get caught. And what's more, I'm already dressed for bed."

Mary smirked, and Lily shifted uncomfortably, but her friend only replied, "Like it matters."

She sighed and agreed, so Mary grabbed her arm and dragged her down the stairs and out the portrait hole without a backwards glance. Outside the common room, she pulled her arm away. "Just what is this about?" she made a face. "Just look at what I'm wearing!"

            "What? It's perfect." She glanced at Lily's clingy nightgown.

Lily's expression suddenly became disturbed. "You're starting to sound like a lesbian."

            "I'm not, I've got a boyfriend, remember?" she smiled suddenly, and they stopped walking, directly in front of a classroom that was always empty. "And neither is James." She added, cackling and looking towards the doorway.            

Lily felt herself being shoved in and heard the door close behind her, and click. "Locked?! What the hell?" The room was completely dark. "Mary? Mary!" She heard snickering from the other side of the door, from at least two people; Mary and what could only be Sirius. She groaned.

The light flickered on suddenly and she spun around, suddenly realizing that James was right next to her, his hand resting on the light switch. He looked down at her and blushed, realizing her attire.

"Er…" she trailed off and took a couple of steps back, before clumsily running into a desk. "Ow." She said quietly, rubbing her side.

James watched her indifferently. Then he said, "Obviously, our friends want us back together."

Lily scowled. "And?"

James sighed. "And neither of _us want to be back together."_

            For some reason, disappointment scattered itself through Lily's thoughts at that moment. "Uh-huh." She replied, less strong.

            "So what now?"

"Well- there's really no solution." She shrugged. "If we get back together then- well never mind- _that'll never happen." It came out even harsher than she had planned. "But if we don't, they'll be all over us about it."_

            James nodded, then made a face at her. "I still can't believe you."   
"What?" she inquired, suddenly angry. Her eyes drilled into his. 

            "I can't believe you lied to me like that. You never were interested in me, were you?"

"James- it's- it's an arranged marriage. I don't want to. How many times must I tell you that?"

            "I don't care! As your boyfriend, you should have told me!"

"_Ex-boyfriend." She corrected._

            He made a noise of annoyance, and they were silent. Minutes passed.

"You know they aren't going to let us out until we resolve this." She whispered.

            "Why are you whispering?" he asked loudly.

"They're most likely listening, you idiot! Do you want to get out of here, or not?" she muttered irritably.

            They continued in quiet voices. "Is it even possible?"

She ignored him. "The only way they'll let us is if we appear to be back together."

            "But-" he interrupted crossly.

"Appear, I said. We aren't actually going to be."

            "Oh."

"Now don't be such an ass and just listen." He raised a hand to protest, but she grabbed it and put it back down in an annoyed fashion. He grunted. "Now- we're gonna have to pretend."

            James rolled his eyes. "And I suppose you have some sort of ingenious idea."

"You're so annoying! Can't you just let _me talk? For once?" she raised her voice, and heard scuffling outside the classroom._

            They both looked towards the door and took deep breaths.

"Fine." He mumbled.

            "So, what? Hand-holding?"  
"Yes. And sitting together."

            He pulled a face. "With _you?"_

"No. With Santa Claus." He looked confused. "_Yes, with me!" she added in exasperation._

            "Fine." He gave it up and nodded.

"And maybe a light kiss, if it's absolutely _necessary." She said quietly._

            "Yeah, whatever." He waved it off.

"Alright." She grabbed his hand roughly. "Look happy." She whispered and pulled him to the door.

            "Alright! We've made up."

Sirius and Mary laughed and flung the door open. Lily and James suddenly sprouted smiles and clung to each other's hands.

            "Really?" Mary asked skeptically.

"Of course. You think I'd be holding his hand if we weren't?" Lily asked nonchalantly.

            "No, I don't suppose so…" she trailed off, grinning.

"Back to the common room then!" Sirius announced. "By the way Lily," he added, "you look sexy in that outfit."

            Lily's cheeks colored when she remembered that she was dressed for bed, and she could have sworn that James stumbled a bit. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

            "Have a wonderful Christmas, but don't forget to study!" Dumbledore winked as they all boarded the Hogwarts Express, headed for London.

            James and Lily, wearing fake and somewhat pained smiles, boarded first and picked out a compartment. Mary, Sirius, Remus, and Peter came behind them. Lily and James sat together next to the window and clasped hands. Sirius and Mary, who seemed to have become good friends, sat just opposite them, with smiles of their own.

            After they felt the train jerk and were on their way, Remus said, "You know, I'm glad we let that Daniel guy into the Order of the Phoenix. He seems like he could help."

            James pulled a face, but Mary was smiling. They had had a meeting a couple days before, and it had been the first one he had attended. There had been some…tension, between Daniel and James.

            "Yes, I agree." Mary said, staring out the window quietly.

Sirius watched her with a grin. "I dare say you'll be happy to see him again when we get back."

            "Yeah, too bad he had to stay there alone."

"He isn't alone." James mumbled. "I'm sure he has _some friends there."_

            Mary gave James a look, and then Lily a glance that said, 'you had better do something about your boyfriend here.' Lily just sighed and kicked James lightly, with a forced smile.

            Sirius watched them skeptically. "You know, I don't think you really are back together." He crossed his arms. 

            Mary nodded. "I agree. You just don't act like you did before."  
Remus shrugged and Peter wasn't paying any attention at all.

            James grunted, while Lily was saying, "Fine, we'll prove it then." She lifted a hand and pulled James' face towards hers. They stared at each other for a moment before she leaned in and kissed him lightly. 

            "Nope." Sirius said, still discouraged, from the background.

But Lily was no longer paying attention. She felt James scoot her closer, and his other hand tangled itself in her long hair. _What am I doing? She thought to herself, starting to pull away. But he suddenly applied enough pressure that she couldn't. She could feel everything, in that kiss. She wondered, vaguely, whether he knew her thoughts as well, now. Lily let out a small moan when she felt him try to pull away, and grabbed his shirt to pull him back. Her hands raised to his back, then his neck, and neither of them seemed to have any desire to end it. They had to, however, because breathing was necessary. _

            "Not bad." Sirius said in a considering tone, looking at his watch.

Mary grinned. "Okay, you've got us."

            Lily and James simply stared at each other. They said nothing, until Lily glanced at Mary, who shrugged. 

            "We knew all along that you weren't really back together."

Lily gaped. "Are we that bad at acting?"

            "No. We heard you." Sirius replied.

"But-"

            "You underestimate me." Sirius said proudly. "I know more spells than you think." He mumbled something with his wand in hand. Suddenly, they could hear the compartment next door. Not voices, but…

             "Well, that's embarrassing." Sirius said, disabling the charm with a grin.

Lily and James found themselves laughing along with the rest. "So- you played along _with us? But why?"_

            Mary shrugged again. "Because it was all too amusing."

"And," Sirius gestured towards them, "it turned out better this way."

            "I suppose." Lily mumbled, averting her eyes to the floor. But she did feel James' arm curl around her shoulder comfortingly, for the first time in a long time.

*

Lily felt the train come to a stop, and lifted her head from James' shoulder sleepily. She yawned. "How long have I been asleep?"

            "Long enough to be back home." Mary replied and gave her a sideways smile.

James stretched and pulled her up.

            "But I don't want to go." Lily whined helplessly, in good humor. She might be joking, but her chest felt heavy. She and Mary hadn't really come up with anything that would help her handle this party…She managed a weak smile at James, who looked about to question her.

            He shrugged and pulled her out of the compartment. They began to search for their bags, Mary and James' friends right behind them. 

            "Lily," he began to say, "we- we have a lot to resolve here, if we can ever be together."

            She squeezed his hand to shush him. "I know." She replied simply. 

"But you're getting married!" he said, a little too loud. A few people around them looked up. She gave Mary a light hug and waved to the Marauders, then grabbed James by the arm and pulled him off to the side.

            "Now we can talk." She gave him another hard look. "I wish you wouldn't mention the fact that I'm engaged when we're in large crowds."

            He had a funny look on his face. "But you_ are. The doubts are coming back, Lily, I-"_

She pulled his head down until he was only an inch or so away. "Just trust me." She mumbled. "I will take care of it all, as I can." Lily dragged his mouth to his. Although, the kiss didn't last very long, before-

            "Lily Evans!" A loud voice screeched. Lily and James parted and glanced over to see Lily's mother standing there, appearing to be infuriated. James, however, didn't drop his arm from around Lily.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: Hehe, never a good sign. Not the best way to end a chapter either, especially when you're all probably annoyed with me anyway. But I _promise, I'll get the next chapter up much sooner! Thanks again for the reviews for last chapter, I love you guys! ;) So what did you think, honestly?_**

**Coming up next chapter: Reactions and the party!     ******


	17. Startling Happenings

**A/N: Aw, you guys are great! I'm (or I was) sitting here, reading the reviews, and some of you made me laugh. Thanks to the whole lot of you; you really make me feel good about this story, and writing it.**

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Chapter 17- Startling Happenings

_Oh-my-God_. This was her mother. Yes, in front of her. Looking- er- angry. Very angry. Perhaps she was more confused than angry. No, no, definitely more angry. Lily felt like shrinking or hiding, or somehow getting away from her mother's unblinking stare. _Does she know what those eyes do to me?_

       Lily cleared her throat and stared at the ground, unable to face her mum any longer. _She just saw me- kissing James…this is bad, this is bad, this is very__ bad…And yet- entirely satisfying._

       "What_ is this?" her mum asked simply, directly, and undoubtedly, angrily._

When Lily did not answer, and continued to stare at the ground, apparently finding it fascinating, James tightened his grip around her shoulders. Her mum, however, came a step closer, glaring at James. "Who is_ this?" Lily looked up to see her mother giving James a disgusted look. "He doesn't even dress well."_

       "Oh, for Heaven's sake! Don't take it out on James, you're angry at me! Me!" she exerted heavily. "And he's wearing the same as everyone else: Hogwarts robes!" she added.

       Mrs. Evans rounded on her daughter. "I can't believe you!" she huffed. "What- what do you mean by this? I don't understand! I set you up for a perfect marriage and you try to sabotage everything your father and I have done for you! You're an ungrateful-" 

       James shifted his feet a couple times, looking like he was preparing to dance. Lily almost laughed at the notion. The only dancing he would be doing was dancing out of her mother's death grip. "Um, Ma'am, Lily does have a mind of her own. I think she would know what she really wants in a marriage. Maybe she doesn't want-"

       "Oh!" Mrs. Evans glared at James. "I'm sure you think that_ you_ would be the one to marry her. Well I'll tell you what I care about your opinion!" James seemed to shrink back a little under the intent scrutiny.

       Lily didn't even turn to look at him. She stared, or glared, at her mother the whole time. "Mum! Stop it! James and I aren't getting married! Stop jumping to conclusions and listen to me! He's right- I do have a mind. Why won't you let me choose my own husband?"

       Mrs. Evans opened her mouth angrily, looking ready to spew something horrible, but then she hissed, "We'll discuss this at home." She grabbed Lily's arm and pulled her away from James rather roughly. "And_ you_ stay right there. I'll have my husband deal with you."

       "Daddy's here?" She asked, while being dragged away, and at the same time glanced back at James in an attempt to both reassure him and try to get reassurance from him. All in all, she was lost. Confused mostly; what was she doing?

"In another car." her mum turned to her, holding her arm a lot tighter than need be. "You are in a_ lot of trouble Lily Marie!"_

       Lily winced at the usage of her middle name. This was bad. In a way, though, it was thrilling. She was surprised to find herself rather enjoying it. She grinned and her mum saw it. 

       "I can't_ believe you! Has that boy done something to you? Are you under some sort of trance? This isn't my daughter; you aren't my daughter!" Mrs. Evans appeared about ready to faint, or burst from the pressure; she was rather red._

       _James has made me see something I didn't before, _Lily thought. _That's what he's done to me._

       As she was being shoved rather roughly into the back of a limo, she stole a glance at where James was. Or had been. He was now being practically dragged by her father- Lily moaned. 

            "What is he doing?" she yelled at her mother, who ignored her. "James isn't property! Tell dad to let him go home!"

            "No." she replied simply, motioning for the driver to go.

"Oh Lord. My mum is a _kidnapper_."

            Her mother, though, didn't appreciate the humor. She gave Lily a sharp look. "I will want to hear this entire story. From beginning to finish. Are you trying to punish me for something? Because I've worked hard to get you where you are, and I don't intend to let you screw anything over, whatever you might be thinking." This wasn't her usual, sort of airy, mother. This lady was scary, and for once she was actually kind of listening to other people. Not accepting what other's said, but her ears were opened.

            Lily desperately searched for a way out of the car. The doors were locked. She was trapped. Her mother looked venomous. She sighed heavily and bit her lip. "Where is dad taking James?"

            "Don't avoid this, young lady! You're not in the position to avoid anything! And if you even_ think that you're going to act this way at the party this evening, I swear toGod that I will see you off to someplace where you cannot disgrace this family! Do you hear me?"_

            Lily looked around, trying anything but to listen to her mother, because from past experience, it only made her go mad. Her emerald eyes looked out the window, scanning around. "Am I living a hundred years ago? Because it feels an awful lot like-"

            "LILY EVANS!" Her mum looked about to pop.

"I'm listening, I'm listening." Lily mumbled insolently, leaning her head against the window. 

            "_Tell _me what you're trying to do! I'd like to know why I just saw my engaged daughter locking lips with some strange guy at the train station!"

            Lily paused, noticing that they had arrived at the house and someone had rushed to open her door. She smiled at the man and turned back to her mother. "I don't know, mum. Why don't you tell _me_." She left her mum's lethal gaze and trudged up to the front door, which was opened for her, though she would have much rather have thrown it open furiously herself.

            She walked up the steps to her room quickly, wanting to avoid anything and everything that encountered her; in specific, her parents. _Bloody hell, where's James? _That was the only problem. She couldn't leave James alone with them. He might be murdered. She let out a very exasperated noise and hurried back down the stairs, for James' sake. She kept a calm exterior, but inside, she was boiling, frightened, uncertain, and very nervous. _No, no, no, no, NO!  She knew that it would have happened someday- her parents finding out about James- or would it have? It's not like they would have known…what was she doing with him anyway? Wouldn't they have broken it off by the end of the year? Why was she still with him after this long anyway? It was dangerous, very dangerous. Her mind had left her and was sitting behind somewhere. She was blank, and somehow realized that she must have had no sense since she left for school that September. Or had she? Perhaps it had been the __rest of her life that she had been clueless for. _Oh, I'm so confused.          __

Lily watched carefully and silently as her father pushed James through the door, and her mum came in a moment later looking ruffled and her eyes were flashing at everything. Her dad was calm, compared to her mum, but he was certainly not one bit happy. He looked deadly, not angry. Which was worse?

            James immediately stood next to Lily and they shared a glance. He looked confused and he didn't seem to have any clue what he was doing there. Neither did she. 

            "Mum, dad, if you would just listen to me for-"

Her father grunted and his back was completely straight, menacing. "We will _not listen to this. You must realize that both you and he are in a load of trouble. If not, perhaps I should show you who the authority around here is."_

            James held up his hands. "I'm not a criminal."

"Oh! For shame! _Not_ a criminal? I'm almost ready to believe that you've been poisoning our daughter's mind!" Mrs. Evans leaned against the wall for support, and glanced at her husband. 

            Mr. Evans let out a long, heavy breath. "Lily, you're engaged. Whoever this boy is, I trust that you'll let him go. Quickly. Patrick will be here this evening, and you will hit it off with him. It's already settled. Now- settle _this._" He beckoned between the two teenagers.

            Lily glanced at James, James glanced at Lily. He gave her a small solemn smile, and while she looked into his chocolate eyes, it hit her how absurd the whole thing was. She threw her head back and laughed quietly. Her parents stared at her. James looked surprised, but pleased either way. Mrs. Evans grabbed her arms and shook her, until she stopped.

            "Mum!"

"Lily!"

            "Dear! Lily!" Mr. Evans interrupted. "We need to-"

A servant came rushing in, looking between the four of them frantically.

            "Hello Peter." Lily said, smiling softly. He bowed and turned to Mr. Evans.

"A few guests have arrived. Shall I let them in now?" He was dry-washing his hands.

            "Oh!" Mrs. Evans exclaimed, grabbing Lily's arm and wiping her forehead with the other hand. "We have to get you ready! And myself, and your sister!"

            "Where is Petunia?" Lily asked thoughtfully. 

"Staying away from you." A voice behind her mumbled, and only she and James heard it. Lily spun around to see her skinny sister leaning against the stair railing, glaring at her with a rather grim expression. 

            Lily started. "But-" 

"There's no time!" Mrs. Evans grabbed both of her daughters by the arm and tugged them towards the staircase. She turned back to her husband, and James, who was staring and looking a little apprehensive, suddenly. "Hide him someplace! We can't have him leaving just yet, and he can't be seen!"

            Mr. Evans nodded, and James followed him quickly as he exited, preferring to cooperate, because he didn't know quite what would happen if he refused.

            The next few minutes were a blur to Lily. A fury of getting herself into a gown, her hair being tied back with something; she didn't know and didn't care. She wondered where his father had 'hidden' James. What was she going to do? She hadn't been anticipating the party the least bit in the first case, but now? It was a nightmare, and she was almost ready to pinch her skin and wake up. 

            Someone opened her door and she turned around slowly. It was only Alison; the middle-aged maid who had been with them the longest. Lily beamed at her. "It's been a long time! I'm glad to see you again."

            Alison came in and shut the door softly behind her. Her eyes wide, she said, "I've heard things about you Lily. The others are saying that you're in a lot of trouble. Something about a boy. And your fiancé is here!"

            Lily groaned. "You people gossip too much."

Alison glanced around swiftly, and her eyes landed back on Lily. "I was instructed to take you downstairs." Lily nodded. "And you look fabulous, as well. Though I know you don't want to hear it." She smiled at Lily, who sent a small smile in return.

            "I wish I could just talk to you tonight, Alison. I don't know how long I can stay in the company of these people." Lily said softly, her eyes scanning the scene below her as the descended the stairs.

            "I will never understand you." Alison replied, both of them staring ahead, almost pretending that they weren't sharing words. Lily whispered a quick goodbye, and they parted at the foot of the staircase. 

            Quite a few of the men there that evening, so far, were looking towards Lily with interest. Petunia stood off to the side, glaring at her. A rather beefy young man stood by her side, and they were holding hands. _Must be the __Vernon__ guy. Dungy, was it? Oh yeah- Dursley. She managed to let out a small smile towards the people watching her, hoping that it would clue them in that she was very aware of the fact that they were staring and making her feel uncomfortable. Amazing that she could keep her calm at times such as these, when inside, she felt like letting out a yell. Maybe later._

            She began to cross the room, aiming to get as far away as possible, and stay there. _Why am I civil to these people? One voice in her head asked. Another answered. _Because your parents would kill you, if you did different._ She considered it. __After today, they will anyway. She was suddenly angry. Angry at the people there, angry at her parents, angry at her life. But she didn't have any time to dwell on it. A hand encircled her arm, and not gently._

            Her mother whispered into her ear speedily. "See to it that you behave tonight. You always have, before today. I don't know what's gotten into you, but we're going to straighten it out. Do not embarrass me, and perhaps we could ease up on your punishment."

            Lily didn't have too much of a choice. She nodded reluctantly, and didn't say a word as her mum steered her through the crowd, stopping every once in a while to address people, or let people address her.

            "Lovely daughter." "That dress is absolutely stunning." "My, it's been a long time!"

Her mind began to swirl. She barely noticed as she was shoved up in front of a tall, dark-haired young man who was a few years older than her. He turned around. He was rather handsome.

            "Mr. Peterson." Lily's mother nodded her head towards him. He gave her a flashy grin, smoothing his gelled hair back with one hand, the other enclosed around a glass of wine.

            "You may call me Patrick, Mrs. Evans. We will need to become better acquainted, with the coming events." He said simply, his gaze wandering over to Lily, who stared at him. She only just refrained herself from taking his wine and either throwing it at him, her mother, or the wall. She jerked her eyes away from the glass and looked up at his face. He smiled at her. She didn't at him.    

            "Lily." He bowed his head slightly. "Nice to see you again."

"It is a pleasure to have you here, Patrick." Mrs. Evans added, taking care with his first name. She left after giving Lily a tight glance.

            "So- I hear we are set to be married." Patrick grinned. Lily was looked behind him, around him, anything. She nodded absently. "I've always though you were beautiful. I'm glad that it's ending up this way. I trust that you will be too." He reached out and pushed a wayward strand of auburn hair behind her ear. She pulled away, and he looked surprised. "Is something wrong?"

            "No." she mumbled, only just stopping herself from saying something nasty. She was running things over in her mind. What was her next plan? She didn't know; she couldn't know. For the moment, she was intent on tolerating this…display that she had been put on. 

            He swirled the wine around in his glass, gazing into it, and then back up at her. "I can give you whatever you want, Lily. Anything. You name it."

            "I don't need charity." She snapped, unable to control herself. She felt it coming on again. _Oh God, how long can I take it? What's happening? I never had this much trouble before. It was getting to her more than ever before. She couldn't do this, not anymore. And she didn't know what had changed her outlook so much, so suddenly since the last time she had been home. It was almost uncanny. But she felt better off, for it._

            "No. No, I suppose not." He answered, still gazing at her. He sighed, seeing that she was not in a good mood. "I think you're tired from the long trip from your school- wherever it may be. You'll have to tell me about it, sometime. I think it best if we talk later, though. Maybe it would suit you to lay down for a bit-"

            "No." she muttered, her eyes fixed on his. Then she thought about it, and her mind lit up. "Actually," she continued, "that would be wonderful." She gave a little smile; it was the best she could muster.

            He shrugged his shoulders back. "Well then, let's find you a place to lie down."

She nodded, following him. She saw her mother's gaze on her, from a few feet away, and didn't spare a look at her. She saw Petunia in the corner, in deep conversation with the Dursley guy. She ignored her too, and the women who made 'polite' comments towards her as she passed with Patrick. They all smiled at the pair, leaving the room together, like they knew something. _Oh, if only you really knew._

The whole while she followed Patrick, she was scanning the closets and doors, looking for places that a boy of seventeen might be occupying. She tried not to let anything on, and swiftly announced at one point, "I'll just stay in this room. No need to find someplace more comfortable. I will be out before long. Just a short rest will do me fine."  
            "Alright, then." He smiled down at her, lifted her hand and kissed it, then walked off without a backwards glance. She waited a moment, staring after him, her mind racing, before she realized that she was just standing there. She shifted her weight and turned to look at the closet closest to her. She looked around; glad to see and hear that it was an empty and quiet hallway. She would probably be safe, for the time being.

            Quietly and carefully, she opened the door to the closest and peered inside. No James. Sighing, she let it close with a small click. She repeated this, moving on down the hallway. Her father would have hidden James someplace near; she knew her parents that well. For some reason, it didn't seem odd to her.

            After trying many closets and unoccupied rooms, she was about ready to give up, feeling that it was hopeless. Luck was certainly not with her. Not today. Maybe never.

            The next closet she opened, she didn't really even look into. Until she heard rustling. Brushing aside a coat, she saw James behind it, his hands tied and his mouth covered.

            "What the-" It was almost amusing. Her parents were far more violent than she had ever believed them to be. Glancing down the hallway in both directions, she stepped into the small closet and left the door ajar behind her. Untying James and freeing his mouth, she whispered to him, "We're getting out of here."

            He grinned down at her, and was about to say something. She covered his lips with a finger and shook her head, beckoning for him to follow her. She peeked out and around again, then grabbed his hand and pulled him down the long corridor. Yes- at the end- the window. Opening it and sticking a leg out, she climbed onto the roof. James made a noise and she glanced back at him. He was pointing frantically in the other direction; trying to tell her that someone was approaching. She pulled him out as best she could, and they shut the window quickly. She leaned against the wall of her home and pulled him over to her, out of sight of the window. They heard somebody pass by, and waited a few moments, holding their breath. It was already dark outside; the moon was out, a small crescent that had always offered her a strange comfort before, when she peered at it.

            She breathed out and nodded slowly. "Right. Let's go, before someone stops us. We don't have time to scurry around here. I have never seen my parents this mad before."

            "Ah, but have you ever done anything like this before?" he mumbled back at her. 

She couldn't help but spare him a small grin, and grab a hold of his hand. He seemed almost surprised at her, and for some reason, she had the notion that he was proud. Of what, she had no idea. Lily guided him around the house; she knew it well. They went almost a quarter of the way around before she stopped abruptly. 

            "There's a ladder down below us. Trust me. I'll go down first, slowly." 

James nodded and squeezed her hand. She began to descend. Before she really knew what she was doing, they were both on the ground and she was pulling him away from the house, casting glances around at dark shadows in every direction.

            It was hard to move around quickly, in that dress. And those shoes! Lily bent down, once they were a good distance away from the house, and pulled them off furiously. James stopped beside her, staring around at everything.

            She was incredibly confused. "What are we doing, James?"  
"I dunno." He replied truthfully. "All I know is that we'd better get the hell out of here, and fast."

            "A taxi?" she suggested, twisting one hand with the other.

He watched her curiously. "How can we get one, from here?" 

            She smiled and answered, "I have my ways." Grabbing his hand, she pulled him along, very aware that she was walking along with bare feet. Before long, she ceased, next to a large oak tree. Her hands felt all around it, until she found what she was looking for. An emergency- phone. 

            James shrugged uncomfortably as she dialed a number. He gazed around them again.

            "Yes. No." she was saying. "Of course, Kyle. Please, will you? Brilliant!" he heard a small beep as she turned the phone off. He expected her to replace it, but she encircled her hand around it and kept it with her. "Just to be sure," she explained.

            As they waited, James not knowing really what was going on, and Lily scared out of her mind, and entirely calm at the same time, she wondered what they were going to do, and what would come of it.  _I'll just give my parents some time, to cool off. Yes, that's what I'll do…_But she wasn't sure about anything. For the first time in her life, she hadn't planned anything, and she didn't intend to.

            A car stopped on the road beside them. Lily looked at James and headed towards it, throwing the door open. They tumbled inside, and the man in the front seat drove off. 

            "Thank the Lord!" Lily exclaimed when her house left their line of view. James looked at the man curiously. "Kyle, I can't thank you enough."

            "Lily, when have I ever told you no? Although, it's been a long time since you asked for help- well- escaping." He gave James a look. "Care to tell me what's going on?"

            "Oh, it's horrible!" Lily groaned heavily. "I'm engaged to that Peterson kid, you know him, of course- and then my mum saw me kissing James here, earlier today, and-"

            "Whoa- I think I can figure the rest out. Take a deep breath." There was a silence. "Where are we headed, anyways?"

            "I was kind of thinking the train station. We're gonna need to get back to Hogwarts, anyways."

            "What?" James looked bewildered.

"It's okay. Kyle's magical, too." Lily smiled. Kyle grinned at James, who stared for the millionth time that evening.

            "Do you need a place to stay until you go back?" Kyle asked, directed and both Lily and James.

            "No, thanks." Lily replied. "I know a way we can get back to Hogwarts early, tomorrow."

            James looked at her, confused. His forehead creased. "I'll explain later." She mumbled at him. He nodded, deciding that nothing else could possibly surprise him, after tonight. 

            Kyle gave a small sigh. "Alright then, if you insist."

Lily smiled at him. "Thanks again."

            "Always." Was his reply. And they were silent for the rest of the ride.

When they arrived at the darkened station, Lily gave Kyle a hug and repeated thanks. James nodded to him and mumbled his thanks as well. He was still confused, beyond belief. He simply followed Lily around, as if she had a leash on him. At this point, he wasn't totally sure that she didn't.

            She sat down on a bench off to the side of everything else. A glance down at her dress, and she suddenly exclaimed, "I don't have my trunk!"

            "Me neither." He mumbled. 

Then she remembered that they had left them. At the station. She had been so intent on her mother, that she hadn't given them another thought. Carefully, she rose from her seat and walked over to where they had been. No, they were gone. She sighed. "I'm sorry, James. I've really screwed everything up, haven't I?"

            He grinned at her. "Not really. I didn't want to go home, anyway. And I didn't have anything important in that trunk."

            "Maybe not," she mumbled back, once more seating herself on the bench, "but tonight was bad enough. I can't believe you aren't angry with me, after putting you through that."

            "Hey, I wanted to kiss you." He winked. "Besides, I think it was rather exciting."

She snuggled up against him, beginning to get very cold, out in the open like that. Even if it was a warm night, it was still winter. She shivered. He removed his coat and draped it over her. She smiled up at him thankfully. "But won't your parents be worried?"

            "Nah." He shifted. "My mom is probably drunk, and my stepdad will be overjoyed. They'll just assume I stayed at Hogwarts and forgot to tell them."

            Lily gave him a sympathetic look, but he didn't appear to need it. They sat in silence, for a while.

            "I wanted to thank you," he mumbled against her. "for sticking by me today."

She glanced at him, her green eyes bewildered. "What did you expect me to do?"  
            "I dunno. But I certainly didn't expect you to do anything you did do, either."

She paused. "Yeah. Well neither did I." she replied, softly. They both fell silent, again.

            Even though this was certainly not the best position, Lily had a feeling that this would only strengthen their relationship. She didn't know where it was going, or what it was then. But she did know one thing- what they had experienced the past day- that was something she would remember, for good or for worse.

       She patted James' knee and leaned against his shoulder, sighing as she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

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**Er- wow- that was a _long _chapter. You should be happy. Lol, anyway, was it any good? I'm too lazy to read over it; it took me long enough to write and I'm exhausted. I think a nap is in order =) Hopefully I can, later… Well, I hope you _did_ like it.**

**~Emily~**


	18. A Quick Invitation

Chapter 18-  A Quick Invitation

Lily awoke abruptly to a light being shone in her face. 

       "James! What the hell?" She rounded on him, and then realized that he had nothing to do with the light. Her head swiveled in the other direction, and she blinked. 

       "What is this?" A female voice asked impatiently. "Are you homeless or something?"

       Lily bit her lip grimly and shook her head. The flashlight slowly scanned over them, and the lady holding it noticed her attire. "No, I suppose not." she muttered, then shifted the light to James' face.

       He grunted, awakened. "What's this? What's going on? Bloody hell, get that thing out of my face!"

       "KEVIN! TURN ON THE LIGHTS!" the woman yelled at the top of her lungs, causing Lily and James to flinch and shift (A/N: Think Austin Powers...hehe, except there's no counting this time.). A few seconds later, the train station brightened. The two of them looked at each other and then looked at the woman. She was tall, brown hair and brown eyes. She looked to be in her thirties.

       "I demand to know what's going on." she said, tapping her foot; it was so silent that you could almost hear it hitting the cement. 

       "I could ask the same of you." James grunted.

Lily hit his arm lightly and told the woman, "I'm sorry, but we sort of, er, missed our train, and fell asleep here." She attempted to explain, the whole time staring at her hands.

       This lady was unconvinced. "Uh-huh. And that absolutely explains why you're wearing a dress, and an expensive one, at that."   

       "But-"

Lily, her brain snapping on, almost smiled to herself. _Devious…__ She began to cry, waving her hands up in the air and looking as pathetic as possible. "I just- oh!" She bawled openly, putting her head in her hands. Glancing at James inconspicuously, while still crying, she noticed that he was bewildered. _Idiot…doesn't he know what I'm doing? I suppose not. __

            It was working. "Oh dear. Don't cry. Whoever you are and whatever the story is, I'm sure we can patch it up." The woman was saying, laying a hand on Lily's shoulder.

            Lily looked up, her eyes wide and helpless. "You w-would do that?"  
"Of course dear. Follow me." She gave James a pointed look. "You can come too. You should be comforting your girlfriend."

            "He/she's not my boyfriend/girlfriend!" they pointed to each other.

The brown-haired woman raised an eyebrow. "Oh no? You looked awfully cozy."

            Lily looked at the ground, a blush creeping up in her cheeks. "We used to be."

The woman watched her a moment, her glance switching from Lily to James. She said nothing, and turned on her heel, retreating to the little building on the side, where a man the seventeen-year-olds hadn't noticed was standing. They stopped in front of him.

            "Kevin," the woman was saying, "I'm going to need you to make some coffee. And set a few extra chairs out, inside."

            "Yes, Ms. Johnstone." He nodded to her and was just about to disappear into the building when James burst out,

            "Ms. _Johnstone? As in the Kelly Johnstone- famous former Gryffindor seeker?"_

The woman beamed. "That'd be me." Suddenly, her eyes shone with a new light- realization. "And here I was thinking you were Muggles!" she accented the last word.

            Poor Kevin was looking around between them as if they were crazy. "Oh- old business, Kevin. Pay no mind. Go make that coffee, if you will." He gave them one last, strange glance, and disappeared again.

            "My, my! Magical people!" Kelly Johnstone clasped her hands together excitedly. 

"Er- yes." Lily gave a weak smile. It didn't appear as if her emotional breakdown would be needed anymore. 

            "Well- I'll be! Come in, come in!" she beckoned for them to follow her inside, as she held up a hand to her mouth and said quietly to them with a wink, "I'll send Kevin out to do something and we can have a good, nice, wizarding discussion. Been too long. My, yes, way too long."

            "Mm." was all James said. Lily was silent, last to follow. She was going over in her head what she was going to explain and what she wasn't. It was too overwhelming. She sighed deeply, once again deeming herself too dramatic. Before she noticed that they had stopped, Ms. Johnstone had heard her sigh, and seemed to suddenly remember her little crying fit.

            "Oh, yes dear! I almost forgot! What is it bothering you?" she didn't blame James this time; his compliment must have been taken to heart. James stiffened slightly as they took their seats around a small round table.

            "Er-" Lily started. "I-"

The coffee suddenly entered with Kevin. The young, blonde-haired guy was glancing at the teenagers suspiciously. Ms. Johnstone noticed, and not wanting to let him overhear anything involving their world, she said, "You know Kevin, I should be checking over the station right now. But with the visit of there- er- old friends, I'd like to chat. Would you mind taking over, just for today?" He grunted something that sounded like a no, grabbed his coat, and disappeared into the now lit train station.

            "That's better." She sipped her coffee and spluttered. "Too hot…"

"Um, Ms. Johnstone, why if you're magical, are you working here?" Lily inquired innocently, watching the woman with intent green eyes.

            She seemed surprised, as if forgetting what it was all about, and looked up at Lily quickly. Then her face split into a warm smile. "That's a good question. But it isn't really something I, ah, want to share just yet." There was a pause, and then she added, "Let's hear your story." She eyes Lily's dress again.  
            The Head boy and girl exchanged quick glances, and James edged her on, seeming to mouth, 'just tell the truth, it can't hurt.'

            "Okay." Lily said, sounding defeated. She began to ramble it off, clasping her hands tightly in her lap. "My parents are rich. They set me up to marry a guy before I left for Hogwarts this year. I was angry. I met James. We- er- hit it off at first. Then we broke up, got back together, broke up, got back- oh, I dunno- I'm lost." She smiled sheepishly, shifting under James' glance. "I was in the process of, um, kissing him goodbye for Christmas break yesterday, here in the station, when my mum interrupted us. They practically abducted him," she pointed at James. "I was forced into my mother's usual party. I slipped away, got him out of the closet, and we ran off, eventually ending up on that bench. We fell asleep, and you found us." She sighed and took a large breath, picking up her coffee and attempting to drown herself in it. When she set it back down, she saw the woman staring at her, her mouth slightly open. James was fiddling with his coffee mug, not really wanting to be a part of this.

            "Well." Was all she said. They stared at the table for a long time, before she suddenly spoke up again. "That's not…usual, I'll say that. It almost isn't credible. But me, I'm not from a rich family. Who knows what they do. No offense." She added, glancing at Lily.

            The red-head smiled politely, as best she could, still being rather tired. "None taken."

            "Well, I can believe it, I suppose, since why would that be what you'd make up? So it has to be true. But, er, where are you headed?"

            Lily glanced around, as if she expected her mum to be there any second. "Back to Hogwarts, I figured."

            The woman stared flatly. "You do know that there isn't another train until the end of the break."

            "Yes- I- had other means." Lily was now fiddling with her dress intently. 

"I see." Mrs. Johnstone's lips curled into a smile. "You remind me of myself, once you take away the money.

            "What?"  
"Tricky one, I can tell. You surprise me."

            "No- that's him." She pointed at James, who was glancing out the window.

He looked up. "Huh?"

            "Nothing, dear." The woman smiled and when he looked away again, she mouthed to Lily, 'quite handsome, dear. Nice catch.'

            Lily blushed slightly and said, "Yeah, I suppose. But not anymore…it can't be."

"Then why are you running away, if you honestly think that?"

            She opened her mouth, and then clamped it shut. Why indeed? She shrugged. "I don't know anything anymore."

            "Oh, don't worry. It's what makes life interesting." She paused. "Your life is quite interesting. It intrigues me. I live around here. I was, hmm, wondering if you'd like to stay for the break with me- you and him, of course."

            Lily stared and flipped it over in her mind. _Why should it matter? She seems nice enough…a little to eager to know my personal life, I should say, but nice…_"James?"  
            James glanced over at her with a look that plainly asked, 'are you finished yet?' and said, "What?" he apparently hadn't been listening to anything. 

            Lily smiled with pursed lips. "You want to stay with her until it's time to go back."

He shrugged. "I don't-"

            Mrs. Johnstone quickly jumped in. "I have some quidditch things that might be of interest to you."

            He instantly grinned and said, "Sure."

"Well then, I would love to have you! Hopefully you don't think I'm some sort of child abductor, seeing as how I don't know you, really- it's just- I don't have much company."

            Lily smiled at her. "You're very kind." The abruptness of the offer was still a little weird, but no matter. So was the rest of the situation, so what could she say?

            Ms. Johnstone said, "By the way, just call me Kelly." She winked and started for the door into an adjoined room, "I'm gonna find you something else to wear, dear, you look uncomfortable."

            Lily watched James for a moment, listening to the rustling from the next room. She was about to say something to him when Kelly appeared at her side and said loudly, "This'll have to do, until we go back to my house. Oh dear!" she said suddenly.

            Lily raised an eyebrow in question.

"I don't even know your names!"

            "Well- James Potter." She pointed at the messy black-haired boy, who was rather distracted and bored, and then said, "I'm Lily Evans."

            "Hmm- to be Lily Potter?" Kelly said quietly into her ear, causing Lily to jump.

"No! Never!"

            The middle-aged woman smiled, her brown eyes twinkling. "Ah- young love!"

Lily groaned, her jaw tightening. "You're like an older version of my best friend. I don't think I like it."

            Kelly waved her hand in the air, pushing the idea away. "Nah. I'm my own kind of person."

            "Like Mary, indeed…" _A little more- what's the word- 'deary' though. Mary isn't as dramatic, either._

She swept a hand over her brown hair. "I should like to meet this Mary someday."

Lily blinked. What was this turning into- a friendship? She began to laugh at the strangeness of it all. What had she gotten herself into? Running away from home with her now ex-boyfriend, being woken up by a somewhat strange but comforting woman who just out of the blue asks them to stay with her at her house…_and I accepted?_

            "You may want to change, Lily." Kelly indicated the bathroom off to the right.  
"Oh- yeah- thanks." She mumbled, gathering herself and the large sweatshirt and jeans Kelly had thrown into her lap, heading towards the bathroom, a million strange thoughts running through her head at once.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            Lily was sitting on Kelly Johnstone's couch, glancing around the woman's home appreciatively. It was small and homey. Just the kind of house Lily had always wanted. James sat beside her. They hadn't said a word. Kelly had bounced out the door, having excused herself from work that day, mentioning something about needing more groceries. It was uncanny; the woman was actually pleased at having two basically unknown teenager guests for Christmas. Lily wasn't quite sure what to think of it.    

            She jumped abruptly, feeling James' hand on her leg. She glanced over at him. He grinned at her. She asked, "Oh, you're alive again?"

            "What? It took me awhile to figure out exactly what was going on." He glanced at the door. "That lady rather scares me."

            "Why? She's perfectly nice. And I thought she was a quidditch idol." She told him thoughtfully.

            "Er- I dunno, she just freaks me out a little."

"Well get used to it, because we're spending awhile here. And you'd better be thankful! I wasn't looking forward to explaining the whole thing to Dumbledore anyway, about why we were back to early and- oh it wouldn't have gone well."

            "Yeah." James said, gazing at her as she gazed at the painting on the wall opposite her. It was mix of dark and light colors, pretty and yet there was something behind it. She was trying to figure it out when James said, 

            "Lily, what are we now?"

Lily sighed. "I don't know. Lord knows if we get back together we'll just break up. And I- I don't think it was meant to be."

            "Probably not." He mumbled. She nodded, and seeing this, he blurted out, "But why does that matter?"

            "Is poor little James missing the cuddling?"

James looked into his lap. "No." he said pointedly.

            She laughed and leaned against his shoulder, patting his knee like she had done the night before. "We could always be friends with benefits."         

            He perked up at this thought, looking down at her head on his arm. "Really?"

She looked up into his eyes and grinned. "Not like that, you prat. My _innocence is hardly in your hands."_

            "Damn." He mumbled. He began to play with her hair with one of his hands. She was about to say something when she noticed him leaning in. 

            By default, she moved away. "James, I'm- I don't think the time is right for that and- just, I don't think- I'm sorry." She mumbled, scooting away from him.

            He grunted. "Alright fine. I won't try to kiss you."

She smiled. "Good. I'll give you permission when you can." She winked.        

            He scowled and imitated her in a high voice, "I'll give you permission when-"

Swatting the back of his head, she cuddled into his body, causing him to cut off abruptly. "I hate this." He snapped. 

            "What?"  
"You teasing me! Why, pray tell, can't we be together? After all the fighting, it's inevitable that it'll happen again whether we get back together or not! So why not enjoy the benefits while we can?"  
            She stifled a yawn. "You know, I'm not really in the mood for all this…"

He scowled into her hair. "I hate you."

            "I know. I hate you too." She smiled, about to fall asleep against his chest when he suddenly bellowed,

            "Oh shit! My invisibility cloak was in my trunk!"

Her eyes popped open, just as the door was thrown open by a rather flustered looking Kelly Johnstone.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: Lovely reviewers…I'm so glad you don't hate the story =) Was this chapter a little too, erm, farfetched? The whole story probably is, but guess what- I don't care! Well, let me know if you liked this chappie please! I'm feeling a little…strange. That's something new isn't it? (that was meant to be sarcastic, btw) Haha, I'm avoiding my homework again! Hey, the Grammy's are on tonight, aren't they? Hmm- too bad for my biology notes, it seems they won't be seeing me today. And as for my math notes- well, they don't exist! **

**          This is way off-topic, so let's just say, I'd really really appreciate anything you'd leave me to read! And sorry if that chapter was a little strange…one, that's me, and two, I had none of it planned, it just came out as I wrote it- so oh well!**


	19. Friends and Tears

Chapter 19- Friends and Tears

            "What do you _mean your cloak was in your trunk?" Lily exclaimed, having leapt out of her rather comfortable position, she was now sitting next to him. She ignored Kelly, who was setting a paper bag down and staring at her as if she were mad._

            "Er- it was in my trunk. Simple."

"That isn't simple! How the hell can we get it back?"

            Kelly stood in front of them, looking back and forth between James and Lily. She suddenly said, "If this is about your trunks, I've already taken care of it."

            "What do you mean?"

"Well," she said slowly, seeming to procrastinate and Lily couldn't figure out why. "I, erm, sent your mum an owl. About them. I pretended to be employed by Hogwarts and angry with you."

            "You didn't tell her where I am." Not a question. Lily clutched her pants until her knuckles turned white. Kelly seemed to notice this, and after a long silence, assured her,

            "Of course not."

"But- how did you know where to send the owl? And _how_ did you know about the trunks anyway?" Lily asked, her eyes crinkled up.

            Kelly turned around (away from them), fiddling with her brown paper bag. She mumbled, "You mentioned it."

            "Oh, right." _I'm more tired than I thought. "Well, if you've sent her an owl, then I suppose all is well. After all, my mum isn't __that much of a dim soul. She should be reasonable about it."_

            "I hope so." James grumbled, watching her intently.

She shifted, feeling rather uncomfortable. _Well, _she thought, _I should give Kelly some credit here. She was smart enough to pretend to be someone she's not and angry with me. I'm glad she did, in any case. A piece of hell I'm already in, as if I need a missing expensive cloak to add to the list. _"Don't worry, James. I'm sure we'll figure it all out."

            His face relaxed, thankfully, with a smile. Kelly had turned back around and was grinning at them. "I'm tired." She stifled a yawn. "Think I'll get into bed. By the way, that couch pulls out into a bed. You two can just sleep there, unless you prefer someplace else?" she raised an eyebrow, but James and Lily shook their heads, so she nodded in an amused fashion, said a quick goodnight, and exited.

            Lily and James looked at each other, for a long time. Suddenly, she seemed to realize that there was something called time and scooted a bit. "Guess we should nod off too."

            "Yeah." He shifted his gaze and rose from the couch. When Lily continued to stare around, he added, "Well?"

            "Oh." Lily got up as well, and he proceeded to pull the couch up and out. Two pillows were already inside, and sheets. It was almost as if Ms. Johnstone had been expecting two visitors. But that was stupid; she seemed like the woman to always be prepared for even the most bizarre situations. It was a good trait to have. 

            "Erm..." James started. Lily raised an eyebrow, and he continued, seeming to weigh her with his eyes. "Pajamas…" 

            "Oh yeah." Lily shrugged. She turned to rustle through the small pile of clothes Kelly had left her and pulled out some flannel pants and a t-shirt. James, however, was looking around and rubbing his arms. Kelly didn't have guys' pajamas. Lily looked up at him and smiled suddenly. "Well, just sleep in your boxers."

            "But you-"

"In case you forgot, I've already seen you half naked." He just grunted. "You, however, have not seen me. So turn around while I change."

            His eyes widened when he realized what she was going on about, and he quickly fumbled around. Lily, not able to wipe the silly grin off her face (she was rather enjoying teasing him when he was in such a state of embarrassment), slipped the pants and shirt on quickly. Instead of telling him to turn around, she grinned profusely to herself and hopped onto the bed. He twitched as if he wondered what she was doing, but didn't move, for fear that she wasn't finished changing. She stood up on the bed, a little off balance, and threw her arms around his neck, pulling him down onto the bed on top of her. Lily snickered and James did the same, after a bit of blinking. He flipped himself over so that they were facing each other. 

            "Jam-ugh- can't…breath." Lily managed to spit out. 

He cackled amusedly, "And I should care?"

            After calming down a little and staring at each other, she squirmed over to her side of the bed. James sighed and went to his. She yawned and climbed under the sheets. They turned away from each other and Lily muttered something that caused the last light to wink out. 

            After some rustling and rolling over, James said, "This is the first time we've slept together." A quick shift. "Erm, that is, in the same bed…"

            Lily let out an awkward laugh. "I suppose so."

Pause. Rustle. Roll. "Well d'ya think we have stay on opposite sides of the bed like this?"

            Really, for not being the shyest guy, he sure was awkward around her. She smiled to herself, feeling a little bad for him and his uncertainty, and replied quickly, "Since we're friends, no, I see no reason for it."

            "Right, friends." He mumbled. She felt his arms encircle her and patted his hand, grinning. They drifted off quickly.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            Lily opened her eyes drowsily and flung a hand out. She hit cold sheets. As usual, it seemed that she was the last one up. She rubbed her eyes and stretched as she sat up, looking around. 

            She could see through to the kitchen. Something was sizzling on the stove, it smelled deliciously like bacon. Smiling, Lily slipped out of the couch-bed and trampled over to the kitchen. But nobody was there. She heard voices, and followed them. 

            Kelly and James were talking in excited tones in a small room next to Kelly's bedroom. It was full of pictures and trophies, signed photos and quidditch balls. Obviously, James had found his match in quidditch IQ. Lily leaned against the doorframe and waited a bit; they didn't notice her just yet.

            She watched James mostly; his dark eyes lit up in the heat of the discussion. At least he had more than boxers on again, for some reason the thought of other people (girls) seeing him in only boxers bothered her. This was nonsense, of course; Ms. Johnstone didn't care. 

            His messy hair was bouncing all over the place. She almost forgot why they weren't together, after kissing each other in the train station. Why had she kissed him anyway? Oh, it was just that she was caught in the moment. They had never said, 'we're back together.' Not formally. And she had good reasons, anyway, such as they would break up again. Yes, it would definitely be better for everyone if she and James remained friends.

            "Oh- nice to see _you Lily." James said lightly, grinning at her. _

Kelly turned around and gave her a warm look. "Yes, you must have been tired."

            "Why? What time is it?"

The woman waved her question away with one hand. The other was busy holding a snitch. "Oh- that doesn't matter."

            Lily was looking around the room again, before her eyes came back to rest on Kelly. "If you were on a professional team, why did you quit?"

            Ms. Johnstone's lips pursed as if she were debating what to say, before she sighed and replied, "Well, it's a pretty long story. I, er, got into some trouble. Perhaps I'll tell you about it sometime."

            "Oh." Was the brilliant reply Lily came up with. They all glanced around uneasily for a bit.

            "I think breakfast is ready!" Kelly exclaimed, squeezing her way past Lily and into the kitchen.

            The two teenagers didn't follow right away. James smiled and asked, "Sleep well?"

She smiled sweetly back and replied, "Of course, although it was a bit cold once you left."

            His eyes widened, as if she had just said something enlightening. "Really?"

She only snickered and walked away. Upon entering the kitchen, she saw that Kelly had already set out three plates, and was pouring orange juice into three tall glasses.

            "You don't know how much all of your help means to me." Lily told her, and helped with taking the juice to the table.

            "Don't mention it. As I said before, I don't often have visitors and it gets a bit lonely."

            "Yes, I guess so." She was about to ask why, then, had there been pillows on the couch bed and other things like that set around. Why, if Ms. Johnstone never had visitors? But she couldn't find the right way to ask, and James came strolling in, looking a bit confused, and took a sit beside her. Kelly took the last seat, next to James.

            "And to have someone else who loves quidditch! It's wonderful!"

"Er, of course." James replied, picking at his roll. "You have some pretty nice stuff."

            Lily gave him a look as if to say, 'is that the best compliment that dull brain of yours can think of?'. But he didn't notice her; the food was more interesting.

            Breakfast was much like their coffee had been the day before, and after cleaning up, Kelly announced, "I must be going into town. You two just make yourselves at home, I shouldn't be too long. And tonight, we'll set up the Christmas tree."

            "Sounds good to me." said James.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            Kelly still wasn't home. What did she do, out all day? Lily shook her head, squeezing the rag in her hand. She and James had made dinner out of some stuff in the fridge, not knowing when their hostess would be arriving home. She sighed, setting another dish aside to dry later. Abruptly, she felt something on her shoulder; James' chin. His hands came around to her sides. Grinning, she wiped her hands and quickly turned around in his arms. 

            He leaned down closer to her face but she turned her head, as if to deny him a kiss. "I thought you were listening to me when I said we were friends."

            He nodded, rubbing a finger against her back unconsciously. "I was. But you never said we weren't more than friends."  
            "Oh, honestly."

"See, you don't have anything to say to that."

            She rolled her eyes, but was unable to wipe a smirk off her face. "You know what'll happen if we get together."

            "Yeah, so. We'll break up and get together again." He shrugged.

She smiled at him. "Well, I don't like the idea. It's a vicious cycle that I'm not going to put myself through anymore." For emphasis, she threw the rag in her hands aside and took his arms from around her and put them firmly back against his sides. 

            His smile faded. "You're annoying me again."  
"Don't argue with me. We aren't a couple."

            "So? I can still yell at you!"

"Wanna bet?"

            James huffed at her immaturity and left. She left in the other direction, rolling her eyes at his stupidity.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            Around midnight, Kelly came bursting in, looking ragged. She leaned back against the door after shutting it with a firm hand. Lily came up to her and asked, "Is something wrong?"

            Kelly's eyes popped open and focused on Lily. "No, of course not." She replied quickly. "Sorry for being so long. I was held up."

            "'S okay."

"We'll set up the tree tomorrow, I suppose. I'm just wiped out." Kelly slipped away from Lily, who raised an eyebrow at her. Was she avoiding something? But, why would she?

            "Kelly?"

The woman stopped, and frankly burst into tears. Startled, Lily rushed to her side and tried to comfort her. James had heard the bustle and popped into the room in confusion. Lily felt Kelly's forehead as the woman openly bawled and announced, "You're hot Kelly, you must have a fever. James! Come here!"

            James stumbled over, grumbling. The sight of crying woman unnerved him a little. Kelly was looking a little unstable on her feet; Lily let the woman lean against her. "What's wrong, Kelly? Can I do something?"

            For some reason, this made Ms. Johnstone cry harder. Lily shook her head and added, "It's okay. Tell us tomorrow. You need some rest. James!"

            "What?" he looked exasperated, standing next to her. 

"Help me carry her into her room. Let's get her into bed. I think she's caught something."

            He huffed, but ended up carrying Kelly into the room without Lily, who trailed behind them looking worried. What was wrong? She wanted to make Kelly stay up and tell them, but she wasn't that cruel. If the woman had meant to tell right then, she would have already. Lily sighed and watched as James lowered her into her bed carefully. He came over to stand next to her once he was finished. Lily looked up at him, a smile growing on her face. "I feel a bit sick too, mind carrying me to our bed?"

            He grumbled something and shook his head. "Women." He muttered, leaving the room.

            Lily observed Ms. Johnstone, who looked slightly feverish and was still sobbing quietly. The red-head whispered, "Goodnight." and left. She approached their bed and started to pull down the sheets.

            "Guess we'll set up the tree tomorrow," James said from behind her, startling her a bit. She spun around.

            "Is that all you're thinking about right now?"  
"No." he said matter-of-factly, so sure of himself. What had happened to shy James? He was so strange. "But I doubt you'd want to know the other things." Her eyes widened slightly; she hit him on the arm. "Ow."

            "Wimp."

"You're a butthead."  
            "Oh, is that right? Going all out on the insults, are we James?"

He rolled his eyes. "I- I- oh, shut up." Maybe he wasn't so self-assured, then.

            She smiled and walked over to give him a hug. "I like you better when you don't know what to say."

            Bewildered, he blurted out, "Why?" 

"Because then I can make you do whatever I want." She beamed up at him pleasantly while he took a moment to figure out what she meant.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: Aw. *Hug* You are so nice to me in your reviews. Really, you are- all of you. And I wish there was some other way I could say thanks, but really, I'm not very creative =) **

**  
Everblue3- You like John Mayer? Me too =) You were right though, I was watching it.**

**Kitty Prydew- Yep, good old Grammys.**** Now I'm waiting for the Emmys.**

**Lamina Court- Of course, always the biology.**** It's my hardest class, actually. But she's my only good teacher…(or is that too harsh, lol?)**

**Bixxxou****- Lol, I'm glad you liked that part. And hopefully I did a little bit better job of explaining in this chapter.**

**Kayla- Ha, of course they're dense. Oh well, I love them anyway. Interesting, eh? =)**

**MoonWonderer****- Thanks. Yes, they get them back, but not as soon as they think...**

**Clearbrook**- Really?****** That makes me smile.**

**Y. Kuang- Wow, thanks a bunch. For some reason the phrase 'battleground of plot bunnies' made me laugh. I don't know, I'm just strange like that ;)**

**Amadrieclya****- Lol, I have to love the word bloody. Thank you.**

**Cecilia Orechio- Darn, I haven't read your fanfic yet, have I? I will, I promise. I totally agree with you about L/J stories feeling more mature. It's just more natural to me, even if I'm not as old as they are and I really have no idea, lol, I still think they're more realistic. Anyway, what a boring thank you note! And I did have a good day, thanks to you!**

**Mooky****- Didn't expect me to update? What d'you mean? Lol, J/K. And you read Lily's character right, too! It's just that a lot of people don't, which is probably my fault. Anyway, more about Kelly next chapter, and thanks again!**

**Jenna****- Oh, thanks so much. I'm glad it kept your attention. You're right about them getting the trunks somehow, but I don't believe it will be as easy as they think. Anyway, I'm happy you reviewed.**

**Potterholic****- Lol, thank you. Hope you keep reading.**

**August 'roxy' ****Taylor****- What a nice thing to tell me ;) I appreciate it. Although, I still think I'm a little strange in the head, but then again, who isn't? Just a smidgeon (I think I like that word). Before I scare you, I'll just say thanks again.**

**Jen- Lol, I'm glad we did start talking. I think the thanks is understood, so I'll just say I hope you're online sometime soon again.**

**Syders****- Thanks =) **

**Pittsy****- Yeah, the funny thing is that they even bother getting back together at all. Of course, we want them to, don't we?**

**Samantha- I'm glad you think so, it always makes me happy.**

**Silver-sparklze- Yep, I will read it, and I'm sending you an email after this, so I'll say more then.**

**Lizmaurder4eva- Lol, I think you're the first person who told me they thought that was funny, so thanks =) And as for Mary, they may be seeing her soon enough, but then, that all depends on what I change, because my original ideas are usually discarded. I'm glad you think the story isn't completely bizarre! Thanks for that.**

**Do you guys want me to do that every chapter? I felt compelled…**

**Well, have any of you read that series with the first book titled, "Angus, Thongs, and Full-frontal Snogging"? Because if you haven't, it's absolutely hilarious, and you should. I know it sounds sort of, um, strange…but I think you'd like them.  *Pauses to pet cat* I can't think of anything else to ramble on about, so you're free! Thanks for reading!  **


	20. Running From it All

**A/N: Remember me? ;) Hopefully…well, I know some of this was pretty obvious, but as some of you may know, I can be very lazy and I didn't feel like concentrating hard enough to come up with a better twist. Having said that, I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

Chapter 20- Running From it All

            Swirls of raspberry pink, strips of white following the edges; it was possessed by some kind of eeriness when the moon shone on the surface this way. Even so, the wall was certainly not Lily's first choice of something to stare at; but what else does someone do when they can't fall asleep?

            _They go check on the person taking care of them…_ a voice inside the depths of her head was continually telling her to do just that. The truth was that she was frightened. Even Kelly's room in itself scared her a little. She couldn't explain it; she didn't know why at all. It was a new feeling, but it was definitely there. In addition to a tone of tenseness, there was urgency; it was eating at her stomach and making her ears ring. James shifted beside her.

            Lily looked down at him and her whole mess of feelings softened. She loved to watch people when they slept. It was a peace-generating type of thing for her. Everyone looked the same while they were asleep: calm and innocent. The edges of her mouth curved slightly. Well, not _everyone_.

            Letting a slow, long breath escape her lips, she shoved the sheet off of herself and touched her bare feet against the ground. She did what she had known she would for the past couple hours…or had it been so long? Whatever the case, it was certainly late, late enough for her. She lifted herself out of bed and went in the direction of Kelly's room. Her eyes went back and forth before her, searching for, well, the unknown. What was it that unnerved her so much? Maybe it was the fact that the woman taking care of them, who had always been in at least positive spirits, had burst into tears right in front of her and then fallen asleep with a fever. If there was one thing Lily needed right then, it was to know what was going on. So she intended to find out. 

            She felt a certain kindness for Ms. Johnstone; why shouldn't she? But tonight was just…strange. There was no other way to explain it. She pushed her thoughts and the door aside simultaneously. It was incredibly dark in the room; maroon curtains were drawn over the windows, blocking out the moonlight. Lily stumbled her way across the room, hoping she didn't run into anything. Reaching the end of the bed, she squinted; she couldn't see Ms. Johnstone. Well, that was alright…after all, it was pretty dark. One of her hands stretched out, lightly moving over the sheet, searching for a leg or arm or something, so that she would know where Kelly was in the bed. Nothing…her other hand began to search as well. After a few frantic minutes of hunting, she gave up and ambled over to the door, right by which was the light switch. She flicked it on.

            "Shit!" she cursed, running back over to the bed and throwing the covers all over the place. It was improbable, no, impossible- it was- where the hell was Kelly? Lily didn't bother to think about all of the possibilities; she did the only thing she could think of to do at the moment, and that was to wake James up.

            She collided with the couch-bed with an "ow!" and shook James' shoulder. "Wake up!" he rolled over grumpily. "I need you, James!"

            His dark eyes opened in confusion, focusing on her with an inattentive expression. "What's this all about? Why can't I sleep?" he inquired hoarsely.

            "Kelly's gone! She isn't here!" She expected a reaction of some sort, but he only rolled over. She shook him again, not gently this time.

            He grumbled, "What do you mean, gone? Are you sure you're not just tired?" 

Good. He was awake, at least. She sat on the bed in front of him, and he sat up as well, rubbing his messy hair with one hand and using the other to balance himself.

            "Damn, Lily, she could have felt better and gone out for a drink or something. We aren't her babysitters."

Obviously, he wasn't grasping the situation the same way Lily saw fit. "She didn't, I would have seen her leave."             "Kidnapped?" he asked wearily.

"No," Lily screwed up her face, "we would have heard something."

            James grunted again and said with a tone of finality, "Yeah well, I never really liked her anyways. Too…I dunno what the word is. But there was definitely something strange going on with her."

            "You're horrid! You have no gratitude!"  
"Aw, Lily. You've injured me." He clutched his chest in mock humor and dropped onto his side, pulling the covers over himself again.

            Lily was fuming. She narrowed her eyes at his back and reached over with one move, firmly shoving him off. He fell to the floor with a muffled thump. 

            "What the hell was that for?" His voice floated back up to her; angry, annoyed, and tired.

"For being an ass, as usual!" She waved her hands about in the air to add effect, even if he couldn't see.

            His head appeared above the side of the bed and he smiled mischievously at her, despite the circumstances. "You know you like it."

            Her exasperation mounted; as usual, he was the main cause. "James! We have to find Kelly! Stop playing around!"

His smile faded in a flash and he tightened his jaw as he heaved himself back onto the bed, next to her. "You're the one who pushes people off the bed."

            "Not people." she replied, hiding a smile. "You." He grumbled something inaudibly, which she ignored because she realized that they were wasting time on senseless conversation. "Shut up, will you? You aren't helping at all. Now…let's think." She paused, her emerald eyes gleaming in the dim moonlight. "She had a fever…do you think she was out of it? Maybe she left without knowing what she was doing. Yes, that's probably it. But that means she's out there, sleepwalking or whatever you want to call it. A fever dream!" So maybe it wasn't the best solution, but it made sense to Lily. And when you want to believe something, it only seems all too obvious that it's the right answer. She got up from the bed and rustled through her clothes, pulling out a few warm articles. 

            He watched, his forehead furrowed, as she pulled on a thick sweatshirt and jeans, then her socks and shoes followed. "What are you doing?"

            Lily gave him a look of annoyance. "I'm going out to find her."

"What?!" he sat up in bed. "But it's- _late_, and cold, and you'll _freeze._"

            "That's where you come in." she replied, standing up and folding her hands over her chest. "Unless you'd rather sleep than…protect me." She snorted and turned away, heading for the door.

            "Wait!" he yelled after her and she halted. "Fine, I'm coming. You're so demanding! Can't we just sleep and look in the morning? It's cold out there, and this bed is nice and warm, and it was comfortable here with just the two of us- sleeping." He rolled out of bed, grumbling the whole way. 

            "Don't forget your shoes. And put on something warm!" she directed him.

"Yes, mother." He said with an implication of sarcasm, and did exactly as she said.

            In a matter of minutes they were standing outside on the sidewalk, looking around with the street lamps glaring down at them. 

            "Um…Lily? Where are we going?"

_Good question. _"I don't know." She shot him a look that implied that he was no help whatsoever. "Let's walk around here and look for awhile."

            He grunted in response, but did as she said. They walked together; she entwined their hands and pulled him along without realizing that she had done so. It wasn't long before they heard a noise behind them. _Scuffle, pause, scuffle, pause_…It kept going on and on…what the hell was it?

            James spun around and saw the figure behind him, just as Lily was turning. But whoever this person was, they must have had better eyesight than either of the teenagers, because he or she broke into a run just after glimpsing them. Lily looked at James, he blinked. They both ran for their lives, their hands parted, but they kept running. At some point, the third corner they turned if Lily recalled correctly, James realized that they had a little bit of a gain. Slight, but enough that they were hidden from view until whoever that shadow belonged to turned the corner after them. He grabbed and pulled her into a nearby bush, which rested against a wall and concealed them from view. Putting a finger against his mouth to silence her from questioning, he placed himself in front of her body. She shoved him out of her way and hissed, "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean you are more capable of handling this than I am." She explained mechanically to him.

            He shushed her, half of the reason being because he wasn't sure how to respond. The other reason was obvious. The sound of feet slapping against the cement grew louder and louder at every second. And then, something flashed by, and the sound faded away. Lily stared after it, confused at how someone could have missed this simple trick, if you could even call it that, of theirs. _It doesn't matter…we're safe for now. _But the biggest question: were they ever in danger? Who had that been, and why had they been running after the two of them?

            She turned to look at James, and they stared at each other a moment. The only thing you could hear was the sound of their heavy breathing. In fact, it seemed so loud that Lily was surprised that nobody came to see what it was.

            Unexpectedly, another figure passed by, walking at the quickest speed. It only took a moment for Lily and James to realize what, or who, it was. Lily straightened and jumped out of the bush, dodging James' outstretched hand trying to pull her back. She ran after the woman and grabbed her arm to stop her.

            Kelly spun around, and when she saw Lily, her eyes flashed with so many emotions that it was almost like a soap opera. She certainly wasn't sleepwalking. And she was fully clothed; differently from before. She suddenly broke into sobs, not so unlike the way she had earlier that night, though it seemed like that had happened years ago. Lily looked around frantically, covered Ms. Johnstone's mouth, and pulled her back over to the bush, where James was waiting, his eyes wide and scanning the street before them.

            Lily sat Kelly down against the wall for support. The woman quieted her sobs at Lily's direction.

"I'm so sorry!" tears cascaded down her cheeks, leaving smudgy marks. "I never wanted this to happen…never meant for it. I didn't mean any of it, I swear!"

            James impatiently fiddled with one of his clothes zippers. "What are you going on about?" he asked, wanting an immediate answer. 

            Kelly was looking around them for the first time. "They're around here. I can feel them." She rubbed a hand against her forearm, as if that held some significance. "This is bad…you shouldn't be here." Her face contorted and she looked at the ground. "I should never have gotten involved in quidditch!"

            "Hold up." James cut in. "What does quidditch have to do with anything?"  
Lily rolled her eyes. Leave it to James to perk up at the use of the sport's name.

            Kelly turned to look at him, with a diagnostic and regretful expression. "I…that's how it all started."

"Damn it, _what_?" James grumbled.

            The woman shuddered. "It's when I was first…introduced…to the Dark Arts. At that point, Voldemort was just starting to rise in power."

            Lily immediately scooted away, leaning against James. Both of their eyes had widened. They felt like yelling out, running away from her or something, but then they remembered that man (or woman) who had been chasing after them. They had no choice but to scramble as far away as possible from Kelly, and hope she didn't try something.

            At their reactions, a new river of tears flowed from her already wet eyes. "Stop! I didn't mean it, I'm too weak…" Seeing as how this had no effect, she attempted to explain it all. "I walked in on a meeting; many of my teammates were involved with it all, without my knowledge. Since I had overheard some of their…plans…they gave me two choices: join them, or be killed. I'm weak. I chose, and I'm sorry. Please, you have to believe me!" Lily and James said nothing, only stared at her, gripping each other. "Why do you think I quit the team? Why do you think I work at the train station? Why do you think I live in isolation from everything I possibly can?! Voldemort knows…he always does…he keeps trying to send me orders, and I keep running."

            James shivered. "I can't believe I slept in your home!" was the first thing that came out of his mouth. Lily felt slight sympathy for Ms. Johnstone, but it was overshadowed by the sense of betrayal.

            "You've been lying to us!" Lily exclaimed, her eyes alone showing accusation, angry, and hurt. "Why did you even invite us to stay with you, if you're in danger?"

"I…" Kelly trailed off, still crying. "I was trying to get away tonight. I ran into a Death Eater and he told me about Voldemort's newest plan. He's heard about the Order of the Phoenix."

            Both Lily and James' eyes widened until they might pop. "_What_?"

Kelly had been watching for this reaction. Now she was positive that these were two of the teenagers who were most sought after. "The Death Eater this evening gave me descriptions of all the known members of this group or whatever it is. He gave me some names. He told me that should I see any of you, I should turn you in…or there would be consequences. I have been threatened before…and I don't have much of my family left. I didn't know what I was doing! And then I came home and saw the two of you, waiting for me…and I broke down…and then once I regained a little control, I left. I had to leave, I still do! I can't stay here, I don't know how, but Voldemort knows that I have you! Or he wouldn't have been so adamant about it."

            "But you didn't know about us before you invited us to stay with you…?" Lily asked carefully, very quietly.

Kelly looked down at the ground again. "Actually, only part of the reason I invited you was because you intrigued me…reminded me of myself, you did." She smiled slightly, but it didn't last long. "But then you called him James. I had been given your names a few days before, by a Death Eater who grabbed my arm and pulled me into an alley." She closed her eyes, trying to squeeze out the memory. "I didn't know what you were supposed to look like though, so I wasn't sure."

            "You would have turned us in!" James accused in a frightened voice.

"No!" she paused. "I won't lie though, I don't know what I would have done."

            Lily rubbed her temple, leaning harder against James. "What were all of the names?"

Kelly sighed, desperately trying to recall. "You two….a Remus Lupin, I think. Mary Sener? Sirius Black…a Daniel something or another…"

            James' breath caught in his throat, and Lily stared with unfocused eyes. How could they, _he, know? _Well, _James thought, _at least he doesn't have Peter's name.__

            "James?" Lily said softly, tugging at his shirt. "We need to get out of here. Right away." She looked at Kelly, who stared at them in fright, whether for them, herself, or both, Lily was not sure. Not one bit sure, anymore. She had learned one thing so far…never trust anyone, no matter how harmless they might seem. James nodded, his chin brushing against her head.

            While he was climbing to his feet, Lily was watching Kelly intently. The woman dropped under the direct jade gaze. "We have to take her with us." The redhead said.

            "What?!" James looked down at her, confused and slightly annoyed.

"Well, we can't just leave her."

            "Why not, what has she done for us?"

Lily rubbed the side of her head again. "I'm not usually unfair and I don't intend to start now, James! She may have gone in the totally wrong direction in life, but it seems to me like it was just a bunch of bad luck and extremely bad judgment….if Voldemort knows that she had us, she will be killed, or worse, her family. The only place any of us is going to be safe is at Hogwarts, with Dumbledore."

            James' mouth fell open. "I don't believe this. She just told us that she was a Death Eater, and you want to take her with us?!" he asked incredulously.

            Lily's jaw set stubbornly, like it did when she wasn't going to give up. "She never turned us in. She's been trying to run away. I'm just not that cruel! And if you won't take her, I will, and you can go some other way."

            Kelly broke in, sending Lily a glance that was sad and maybe thankful. "We can take the Hogwarts Express."  
James turned around, glaring at her. "I beg your pardon?" he growled.

            "It stays here over the holidays, awaiting the student's return. I know how to operate it."

Lily's eyes flashed, but from what emotion none of them knew. "Then take us there."

            Ms. Johnstone touched her forearm again, and with the assistance of Lily's hand, shakily got to her feet. "Follow me. We have to be quick, I feel them close by. They're tracking us, I'm sure of it. We don't have much time."

            They ambled off into the dark, the street lights their only guide, and very daunting guides they seemed. They walked at almost a trot. Lily and James would remember the walk as being just an eerie space of time, the memory of street lamps and heavy breathing the only things to occupy this time. It wasn't comforting, and they were silent, stiff, and hurried. The darkness was heavy, weighing down on them impossibly.

            Thankfully, the station wasn't that far of a walk from where they had been hiding in that bush, against that wall. It was so dark and disconcerting that they didn't see anything that Kelly did. The first and last thing they seemed to realize was being pulled though the barrier, while they heard footsteps pounding behind them, running behind them, catching up to them. They found themselves on the train, waiting, while Kelly disappeared. A minute later, and the train jolted forward.           Lily was leaning against James, her nails digging into his arm, when Ms. Johnstone reappeared in their compartment. It was certainly very different from any of the rides they had ever taken on here. It was the same train, and yet, it gave the impression of being so dissimilar. 

            Kelly watched them with fear in her eyes, and said nothing for the longest time, eventually drifting off to sleep. She had been awake all night; she couldn't find the energy to keep her eyes open any longer.

            Meanwhile, Lily and James couldn't seem to fall asleep. Not after all that. It was terrifying, and it was the only thing that occupied their thoughts at the moment. Lily wasn't altogether sure that she had done the right thing…bringing Kelly along. But she had to admit, the both of them had to admit, that without the woman, they would probably be in the hands of the Death Eaters right then. How else would they have been on their way to Hogwarts so quickly…No, Voldemort's servants had been right behind them. They would have been in their hands. But then again, without Kelly, none of it may have happened in the first place. Maybe. Maybe it would have anyway.

            "_How does Voldemort know about the Order of the Phoenix?" James voiced his thoughts without really realizing he was doing so. _

      "I don't know," Lily replied with a loud sigh as she leaned harder against his chest. "but I don't like it."

He mumbled something that sounded like, "I just don't understand any of it…"

            Neither did she, but that didn't stop her from telling him, "You're such an idiot."

His eyes narrowed as she snuggled closer to him. "Why do you always have to call me an idiot?"

            Lily smiled. "Well, because scum-of-the-earth jackass takes too long to say." 

He frowned uncertainly and they both fell silent. She closed her eyes in satisfaction and sighed, one of her hands gripping the side of his shirt gently. Sleeping on him was definitely becoming a habit, whether good or bad. 

            While two girls slept and one guy stared out the window in confusion, the train roared onward into the darkness.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: Eurgh. I spent a long time on this chapter and I still have doubts. Some people have told me I'm too hard on myself, but I can't help it! I'm just a perfectionist…oh well, I was very very happy from all of your reviews for chapter 19, thanks to all of you!           **

**          I know…I'm very bad, taking so long to update these days. *Hides* I'm hoping things will lighten up a little soon. Anyway, let's see…oh yes, things to expect in the next chapter (or next chapters, not sure yet):**

**~ A surprise at Hogwarts. I won't say more than the fact that it will upset Mary very much.**

**~ Of course, more between Lily and James (that's a duh)**

**~ Probably more about Kelly and how all of this came about**

**~ Ah, dang…I forgot the 4th one…haha, how about you review? ;)**

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**Lils****- Well I suppose you still don't know exactly what happened that evening…but I was planning on trying to explain that in the next chapter. Thanks for…well duh, haha.**

**Everblue3- **Lol, I guess they did flirt a lot, thinking of it. Usually I have a vague idea of what the chapter will have in it, but the conversation I type as it plays out in my head, which sometimes makes it strange, or boring, or…something else ;) I was so happy after reading your review, you're usually one of those people who makes me grin. (does nobody else do that?) And you gave me something to work on too! Imagery…yes, that sounds about right. I'll have to figure out how to go about improving that. Well, muchos gracias! (Thanks is beginning to bore me.) I hope this chapter came out better, at least, than I thought it did. But never be afraid to tell me that it didn't, because I like to know! I feel like giving you a hug for being so nice to me…

**Lizmarauder4eva- **Heh, okay, I'll thank you guys all the time now. I'm glad you like me too…I just felt like I needed to. Oh, and the series I mentioned at the end of last chapter…it's a collection of 4 (at the moment) really funny books about this English girl's life- it's her diary. I highly recommend them to anyone with even a small sense of humor. I started laughing in public, lol! Anyway, death eater? Yeah, I know it was obvious ;) And me question _your _sanity? Highly unlikely…

**Destiny's ****Phoenix-**** Aw, thank you. I'm really glad you think it's the just as good now as it was before. The funny thing is I got more reviews on that first chapter than I did on any others…the last one came within one review though =) And thanks for all of your other reviews! I love it when I start to recognize people's names, and on all of my stories!**

**Kirbee****- Lol, yeah, just a little suspicious. I'm glad you let me know though, I wasn't sure just how weird I needed to make her.**

**Veelastar****- Gilded Lily? I guess I should read it, I think I've seen it on here before. Well, one of my chapters made you cry? I'm so glad! Not because I like people to cry, lol…just because that means people actually get _something_ out of this. I am curious though, which chapter, if you remember? Thanks so much!******

**Amanda- **Lol, I am flattered, from everyone's really nice reviews. And is Kirbee a big name around here? As you can see, I'm a bit out of it usually.

**Lamina Court- **Lol, yep, I love my cat. Except when she tries to sleep on my head….and she'll come in my room in the middle of the night and rub her whiskers in my face until  I wake up and pet her so she can go back to sleep. Lol, I just remembered- a couple months ago my older (yep, older…) sister accidentally cut half of her whiskers off! They still aren't fully back yet. Enough of that though…thanks again, your reviews always amuse me, especially your latest one on ADM (the slippers story)- I was laughing hysterically!

**Mooky****- Lol, you're pretty accurate actually. Not rambling, certainly. Thanks for _all of your wonderful reviews! I couldn't ask for more._**

**Gnome girl aka Marzoog- **Nope, of course you used to review, I remember you! Don't be sorry, you're so nice to me. Makes me happy that you like the story. Yeah, Kelly is pretty creepy, isn't she? Although I don't think she's entirely evil…she's not leaving the story anytime soon either…

**Young Golden Unicorn- **Thanks a lot! Sorry about not writing more _soon_…Hopefully this next time!

**Jenna****- Lol, as you know, they'll kiss again eventually…and it probably won't be too much longer. And you asked for an address to the story- which story? Sorry, I just wasn't sure. If you mean the book I was talking about, its published, but otherwise…just clarify it for me and of course I'll give it to you! Thanks for reviewing!!**

**Clearbrook**-**_Professional_ author? You have no idea how happy that one sentence made me, so I wanted to thank you…and send you an internet hug, if it doesn't scare you away, lol. And I'm glad you find them fighting funny…I do too…**

**Piggylette****- You're back! Lol, I should keep a tally of how many people could predict this chapter…you're right- she was a little too strange. I'm so glad you've come back to read and tell me you still like it!**

**Jen-Jen- **In one go? I wonder how long that takes…oh well, I'm so surprised (and pleased, of course) that it kept your attention for that long. Thanks for taking the time afterwards to leave me a review, and I'll most certainly send an email your way after I post this!

**Potterholic****- You thought it was funny? Good, I like to make people laugh, since I usually just get a strange look, lol. Thanks for leaving me a review!**

**AG the master- **Lol, thank you!!

**Emily- **I know, they're _very_ funny! I usually read sci-fi and fantasy too, but I think we already talked about that in one of those emails. Gosh, its been forever, what happened? I need to email you again =)

**Cabbge****- Not working? Dang. I always have those problems with my stories, I wonder if other people do. Anyway, thanks a bunch!**

**August 'roxy' ****Taylor-**** I guess it was a bit of a cliffhanger, wasn't it? Sorry about that! I'm so glad you found it funny…and thanks for continuing to review…I never know whether some people ever keep reading or not! **

**Brittny****- Hey! Haven't talked to you in awhile, thanks for leaving me a note!**

**Angelisa**** Snape- Yay, you know my name ;) I don't know why it makes me happy when people know…but thanks! And please excuse the extreme lateness of this chapter, I have gotten myself into a bad habit of procrastination…Oh, and your more recent review- you have a new story? I'll have to read it!**

**Psycho chick 4 life- **Lol, I know what you mean about having something to do. I hate it when some people don't update, because then I have nothing to do in my free time- but then, I do the same thing, so I can't really complain.

**Natalie- **Haha, another person like me- no patience! But I'm glad you waited to read even without patience…

**Sodapopgirl703- **Really? You _and a friend are reading it? I'm so honored!! Thanks to both of you!_

**Kayla- **Lol, she does need to get over it, doesn't she? But the fights and breakups will probably always be there, no matter what…thanks for leaving me a nice review!

**xLil** azn d3vi1x- **I'm one of those people who gets carried away and sometimes forgets about things like pens and quills, so thanks for the reminder! *smacks forehead***

**That took forever- you'd _better_ be happy! Lol, just kidding, I did it because you people are so nice to me =)**

**~Emily~**


	21. Disappearances and immaturity

Chapter 21- Explanations, disappearances, and (im)maturity

            James stared at the countryside passing him by for a very long time, just thinking about…things. Hogwarts, what they were going to say when they walked in unannounced, Kelly and what had gone wrong, Lily; mostly Lily, since she was cuddled up against him and he was having trouble ignoring her. He brushed a strand of hair out of her closed eyes and tensed as she shifted, her fingers grazing his arm. She smiled softly and unconsciously, her eyelids twitching while she dreamed.

            James frowned and glanced back outside. The sun was just beginning to rise; splaying colors in an uneven but still exact manner, the way only it could. _What am I turning into?_ Why hadn't he moved on from Lily a long time ago? Something was keeping him back and he couldn't figure out what or why. He was smart; after all, he had made Head Boy. But that had been the result of focusing on studying in sixth year because it took his mind off troubles at home. This, however, had not been in the job description.

            Before the beginning of seventh year, or more exactly, before he had gotten to know Lily, he had been your average wizard teenager, perhaps with even more of a wayward side here and there. He had been daring and hell, even if it did sound cocky, he could have gotten just about any girl he wanted. And now, he was turning into one of those guys he had always called a sap.  A groan erupted from inside his throat.

            He looked back down at Lily, trying to find all the answers to everything. Damn it, she even took his mind off of his stepfather; nobody else had ever been able to. Whatever it was, there was something about her that made him keep chasing after her, no matter how many times they fought or tried to ruthlessly strangle each other.

            Grinning at the girl in his lap, he leaned down and softly kissed her forehead. Then he realized what he was doing and his head snapped back up with widened eyes. _Damn, I scare myself sometimes. Truth be told, he scared a lot of people sometimes. Although since the beginning of the year, his reputation as a devious trickster had for the most part worn off. While he was a little disappointed by this mellowing out, he admitted that it was nice to have a steady lifestyle. Sometimes. Maybe he and Sirius should- _but Lily wouldn't approve…wait a minute! Oh no! I sound like an old man…I used to make fun of people for this. Why me?_ He groaned for a second time._

            There were more important things to think about anyway. He glanced over Lily, at Kelly, who was leaning against the window on the seat across from them, eyes closed and breathing steadily. He would say that she was asleep…but did he trust her? Lily might have thought it a good idea to bring the woman along, but it made him very uneasy. Whatever…hopefully Kelly would feel indebted and not try anything. Maybe he was being unfair; maybe she had just gotten caught in the middle of something that she hadn't expected and didn't know how to fight off. Well, one could hope. But one could also deceive. 

            James continued to stare out the window. How long until they arrived at Hogwarts? What would Dumbledore say? If he tried to send them back…no way; the Headmaster was better than that.

            Abruptly, a rustling caught his ears, and his eyes shot over to where Kelly was situated. Her eyelids fluttered open and she stared at James warily, as if she couldn't remember where she was, but either way was afraid of it. Trying not to seem paranoid, he glanced away and down at Lily, resting a hand on her arm.

            Kelly spoke and he was surprised at the sound of her voice; he looked back up at her. "You love her, don't you?"

            "Me?" James asked, ultimately trying to waste time so that he could come up with a suitable answer. "I- I don't know. She's Lily..."

            "And you're James." Kelly said with a slight smile, as if she had not been revealing her dark side to them just hours before.

            "I haven't known her for very long."

Dully, she replied, "You've gone to school together for the past six years -- six and a half, actually."

            He adjusted his jaw, annoyed. "Well yeah, but I never really _knew _her before September."

            Kelly's smile widened, bordering on a grin. She had made her decision as to what James felt towards Lily. What surprised James was the fact that she cared at all…or did she? Oh hell, this whole unmasking business was giving him a headache. Kelly realized his silence and pressed her lips together. "We're almost there." She said.

            She did nothing but irritate him at this point. "I know." He snapped, although he wasn't sure if he did or not; either way she wasn't going to get any satisfaction out of him. They rode along in silence for the next several minutes and the only thing that occasionally returned James to reality was the slight movement of the train, bumping against the tracks.

            Lily began to stir against him, finally lifting her head. She opened her eyes and blinked, her forehead crinkled. As she looked from James to Kelly, realization flooded back into her eyes, making them seem a darker green. "Are we almost there?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

            James whispered, "Yes." in a strange voice that caused her to look at him, carefully analyzing. He didn't like the scrutiny and soon looked away. She outlined his face with her eyes and they eventually landed on his mouth, where they stayed until the Hogwarts Express jerked to a stop and she was coincidentally jerked back to herself.

            The three people in the compartment would have looked lost to anyone who saw them then; with their vacant expressions and wandering eyes. Quite truthfully, however, their minds were full, with different, but not all contrasting thoughts. 

            Lily and James found themselves drifting after Kelly, off the train and onto the Hogwarts grounds. It seemed like it had been forever since they'd been here before. It was a relief; immediately the two of them felt safe.

            They trudged towards the castle in silence, the trees menacingly rustling at them. The sun was low on the horizon, but managed to cast a light over everything; creating shadows that reminisced of the night before.          

       They stopped in front of the castle, James pulled on the giant door to the Entrance Hall and they tumbled inside. A few seconds later, Dumbledore himself passed by, turned to look at them, and stopped. His light eyes took in their expressions...and then he saw Kelly. "Ms. Johnstone! I haven't seen you in about twenty years." he walked over, and Lily and James were amazed at how calm he was; didn't he wish to know why they had suddenly showed up, on the day before Christmas Eve?

       "Professor Dumbledore." Kelly nodded in acknowledgement. "I hear that you're headmaster here these days."

       "Yes." his crinkled eyes sparkled with an amused light. "Although I do miss my Transfiguration classes from time to time." He turned to the Head Boy and Girl, who were looking a little nervous. His face became suddenly solemn. "Lily, James, come up to my office. There are some things I think you should know, and some things I should like to know as well." 

       _Well obviously_, thought Lily. It was about time he mentioned something about them being there unexpected...unless of course they didn't give Dumbledore enough credit and he had somehow just _known_. But that was almost impossible. "Yes sir."

       Kelly followed after Dumbledore beckoned for her to come along, and the four of them proceeded towards the gargoyle statue. Dumbledore gave the password quietly and they ascended the stairs one at a time.

       Once inside the room, Lily shut the door behind her and started to explain, "You see, Professor, there was a family- er -incident. James and I were-"

       He smiled at them, sitting down the chair behind his desk. "I know all about it, Ms. Evans. Please sit down."

       Lily and James' mouths dropped open simultaneously. "What do you mean you _know_?" James asked; he was the most bewildered of any of them, although that was expected.

      Dumbledore's thin smile faded slightly. "Your mother sent me a note, asking about your whereabouts. She seemed rather upset."

       "Well we-" Lily started again.

"She wasn't sure how or why you left so suddenly. She also mentioned some sort of delinquent boy." He glanced at James in amusement.

       Lily groaned. "Sir, I can't go back there. I'll tell you everything, but-"

"I am not here to be a therapist, Ms. Evans. Although I do think I know most of what the situation is already. I should like to know what happened after you ran away, however."

       "Um, well. James and I went to the train station...and then Kelly found us, and offered us a place to stay."

       James' eyes flashed angrily. "And then- then we find out that she's with the Dark Side!"

       Dumbledore's eyes did widen this time; he looked astonished. Looking to Kelly, he said softly, "This is true?"

       Ms. Johnstone sorrowfully bit her lip and replied, "Well yes. But I've been trying to get away for years! You can't...turn me in, please Dumbledore!" she said the name awkwardly, as if she wasn't sure how to address him anymore.

       Dumbledore closed his eyes and sighed. "I would have never thought you, of all people would-" he stopped himself, shaking his head sadly. "No matter. You will share with me the whole story when I ask for it, and then I shall decide what the appropriate measures will be."

       Kelly shrunk back into her chair. "Yes sir."

Then the Headmaster turned back to the two teenagers, who were shifting uncomfortably. "So I have most of the story pieced together. How will you get your luggage back?"

       "Kelly sent my mum-" Lily started, but was cut off by Kelly.

"Actually," she swallowed, "I didn't."

       Lily and James glared at her and Dumbledore looked between all three of them. The Headmaster said, "I already sent your mother an owl telling her that I have not heard from you. However, now that you are here, I will send her another. I can ask for her to send the trunks. But do not expect Mrs. Evans to be very happy about any of this, especially since I have no intention of sending you back for the remainder of the holidays."

       At this, Lily visibly brightened. "Thank you Professor." she smiled.

There was a short silence, before Dumbledore's expression softened again. "I'm afraid I have some bad news."

            What could possibly go wrong _now? James looked to Lily, his hair falling into his eyes. Lily swallowed. "What?"_

            "Daniel Hopkins has…to put it simply, he's disappeared."

"Disappeared?" James' confused face was almost humorous.

            "Yes, Mr. Potter. His room is the way he left it, but just yesterday, he was not to be found. We have had people looking since then, but we haven't learned anything about where he might be."

            "He's not- not _dead, is he?" Lily was very frightened at the idea._

Dumbledore frowned desolately. "I'm sorry to say that I don't know the answer to that."

            James sat with his mouth open, while Kelly, who was sitting on one side of him, appeared confused. After all, she had heard the name before- when she had been told of the Order of the Phoenix. But she didn't know _who_ he was; not really.

            "But…you must know _something." Lily insisted in a worried tone._

Dumbledore shook his head. "Not yet. I will tell you anything that we find out; I know that you must be concerned about him. In the mean time, I suggest you return to the Gryffindor tower. I need to talk with Ms. Johnstone for awhile."

            Lily glanced at Kelly blankly, not giving any indication of what she was thinking. She was feeling rather blank altogether. She and James rose from their chairs, thanked the Headmaster, and left, shutting the door behind them. They walked back to the tower together in silence. Strangely, they didn't pass one student, teacher, or ghost along the way. Although, it _was_ Christmas and most people had gone home for the holidays.

            Lily's thoughts were whirling. _What's Mary going to say? Oh God, she'll freak out! Should I send her an owl? No…I don't want to spoil her Christmas. She's just gonna be so devastated. How horrible…what an awful thing to hear when you get back to school._

James, meanwhile, was thinking as well. _Well, I didn't like him all that much but hell! I didn't want him to disappear!...I'm sort of hungry…maybe Lily wants to go to Hogsmeade. _He paused and inwardly groaned. _I never know _what_ she wants anymore._

They entered the portrait hole, which was completely empty. James brushed a hand against her arm and she turned to glance at him. "Are you okay?" he asked.

            "Yeah." She said flatly. "Why? It's not as if _my_ boyfriend disappeared." She grinned and dropped onto the couch in front of the fire, which was blazing and casting a dim light across the room. "Sadly."

            James frowned and settled himself beside her. "Erm…" he started, trailing off because he had no idea what to say. How did she always confuse him so much?

            And then she realized what she had said._ Boyfriend._ But James wasn't her boyfriend, not anymore. "Uh… just kidding." She laughed nervously.

            He gave her a funny look and his stomach grumbled. He remembered his hunger and asked her, "You want to go to Hogsmeade and get something to eat?"

            Lily's expression implied that he was crazy. "Dumbledore may want to talk to us a little later. I'd rather like to stay and see what happens with Kelly….and any news about Daniel." She shook her head sadly. "That's such a shame. I can't imagine Mary's reaction and I don't think I want to see it."

            He didn't look too happy about the fact that she wanted to stay at Hogwarts, but he attempted to give her a sympathetic smile.

            She laughed. "Don't look so put out. I'm sure we can grab something to eat soon. Actually, they probably have breakfast out now." His expression remained unchanged. She sighed. "And I suppose we could go to Hogsmeade tomorrow."

            He brightened with a grin and she patted his arm, as if he was her pet. Sometimes, he was. But she tried not to let him know that. "You're welcome James. I know how much sneaking out of the castle means to you." She grinned.

            He remembered the first time he had gone to Hogsmeade with Lily, and Mary. That seemed so long ago. He blurted out, "A lot has happened this year."

            She looked at him crossways. "Yeah, it's hard to believe. And we still have a ways to go."

            "I suppose."

"What do you mean, you suppose?" she smiled at him, casually leaning against his arm.

            He grunted. "I dunno. Life is pretty crazy now."

She pulled a shocked face. "What, rebellious James Potter has never had a more wild experience than _this_?"

            He grunted again. "That's not what I meant."

Lily rested her head against his shoulder. "I was only kidding, I know how you used to be." She paused. "Why did you change?"

            He didn't want to say 'you', so instead he replied, "I'm not sure. I guess I'm just more mature now."

            She pulled back and burst into laughter. After a few moments, she wiped a tear from her eye and said, "If you say so. Let's go down to the Great Hall."

@~~~~~~~~~~@

            That evening, there was no more news of Daniel, or Kelly. In fact, they hadn't seen Dumbledore at all since they had left his office. He had not been at any of the meals. Lily and James wondered what he had decided to do with Kelly and where she was as well, but sadly, they had no answers to any of those questions.

            Although they had received a few funny looks, nobody had questioned them about why they were back. All of the seventh year Gryffindors had gone home; only a few younger students of their House were still at school. 

            So they sat in the same place as before, in the common room. The few second years who had been with them had left for bed an hour or so earlier and they were again alone, Lily leaning against James' shoulder as had become usual for them.

            James broke the silence. "I guess it's Christmas Eve now."

"Yeah," she mumbled absently, "it must be past midnight already." She was obviously thinking hard about something, but what, he wasn't quite sure.

            Alright, so his attempt to start a conversation had failed. He stared into the roaring flames in front of them and was just starting to feel rather sleepy when Lily stirred against him. "I think we should head up to bed."

            James nodded and got up from the couch. Mumbling a soft goodnight, he started for the stairs.

            "Oh, and James?" Lily called after him, causing him to turn around with a questioning expression. She took a few steps forward so that they were touching. Her lips grazed his, so lightly that it had barely happened at all. Lily pulled back and their eyes slipped away from each other; they silently went their separate ways, both confused for their own reasons.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**A/N: Thanks for all of your wonderful reviews!**

**Luna-Elentari- **Thanks for reviewing for the first time. A new fan? I can't believe people actually tell me that they're fans of my stories, but it's very flattering! And I want them to be together too- it takes some self control on my part not to just go ahead and do it, lol. 

**Katzy****- Haha- BUMS. That's great, thanks for making me laugh. I'm glad you like the story. Yes, Lily's mom is a Muggle. But she didn't want to set Lily up with a wizard because she didn't know any terribly well and she wants her daughter to marry someone prominent…**

**August 'roxy' ****Taylor-**** You're right. They _are completely clueless. If Lily were more of a Valley Girl, she'd probably be perfect for the show. Lol, and I'm glad you find their clueless nature humorous; so do I._**

**Everblue3- **No, you didn't read it differently; it was pretty different from what I usually write. As to you liking the usual type better, that's pretty much what I plan to keep writing for this story. I'm more familiar with it. The names part just seemed to fit, as far as subtle hinting of how Peter may be involved. And there _was a small change in Lily, although I only half noticed that I was writing it that way. Lol, I usually only half notice most things I write. Anyway, you flattered me very much by saying I'm a fun author to read, thanks again._

**Dief**** Kattlekop- Thanks, I will!**

**Lils****- Lol, makes me happy that the last chapter came as a surprise to some people at least. As far as what will happen with Kelly since they brought her along, I'm still deciding ;) Thanks for reviewing!**

**Y. Kuang- **Thanks for your…how shall I put this? ..encouraging review. Whether you realize it or not, every review of yours has been a big source of support to me and I really appreciate it. Sometimes you seem like you know more about what I'm doing than I do, lol. And telling me what can be improved upon is also very helpful. Some things are hard to notice while I'm writing, since I sometimes forget that although I know what's going on, whoever reads it may not. I'm much complimented by the fact that you find the story worth reviewing at all. =)

**Jen-Jen- **Lol, not stupid you. Quite a few people told me that they were surprised, and that in turn surprised me…I tend to be pretty obvious most of the time. Thanks for reviewing again!

**Tomoyo**** Sakura- I feel honored that you put me on your favorites list, thanks so much!**

**Angelisa**** Snape- Lol, I should have known. You told me you were gonna start a story a long time ago…I still need to read that, of course. Sorry! I've just been really busy lately. Oh well, I _will_ read it.**

***Luna*- **Thanks! Lol, we'll see about Daniel, shall we?

**I Still Have No Life- **You aren't the only one, believe me. Lol, I do like that penname though. Anyway, you were on the edge of your seat? Yes! Then I've succeeded in _something_! Haha, glad you called it. I'll take your word for it. Thank for reviewing.

**Natalie- **Lol, I'm very frightened. I know what you mean, I always forget what a story is about…and then I forget why I put it on my favorites. Usually I remember when I start reading again though. Even if you are annoying (J/K), I'm glad you're liking the story!

**KAT- **That's funny…how you were listening to music and it actually fit in with the story. I think you're the first person to do that! I know- you're so enthused. Anyway, thanks for your review!

**PeRkieGuRL****- Hello again! And to be quite honest with you, I don't remember either….which you probably don't remember why I'm saying that- so- let's just forget about it! Unnerving, eh? Haha, good. Hope you liked this chapter!**

**Oneiros**** lykos- Haha, James is a bit of a dumbass…or maybe more than a bit. I'm glad you spent that much time reading all 20 chapters though! Makes me feel special.**

**Mooky****- Aw, I'm glad you liked this chapter and the Defiant Mask chapter too…Kelly a spy? Hmm…that's an idea ;) Thanks for yet another review!**

**Shorti****- You know, you're probably right- about you needing to be demanding so that we'll actually write. So thanks for the encouragement!**

**Mistress del Mare- **Another new person! Lol, I'm glad you know why they don't say Peter's name. And, of course, I'm glad you liked the chapter.

**Clearbrook**- **Another grin-generating review. Hopefully the time will come when I do publish a book! Anyway, thanks for the support!**

**Lamina Court- **Lol, well let's hope your dream never comes true. Or maybe it would be amusing. And about my sister- well, my cat is long-haired, and sometimes she looks like she needs a bit of a trim. Haha, so Sarah just missed. Audrey (that's the cat's name) was a little unbalanced for the next week or so. And today- my little sister (she's 5) was sitting in the back of the car. Sarah and I were in the front. She all of a sudden hands me a card she had written on; she's just learning how to write…I read it and it says Armoral (the car wipes). Then I look back and she's holding a thing of Armoral. Lol, we laughed for a long time. And when we were out for dinner, she called the mild sauce (Mex. food) "cold" sauce. Anyway, thanks for your review…they always make me laugh, but I'm pretty sure I've already told you that. Bastards…Lol. A good name for all those characters gone bad.

**Piggylette****- Haha, actually, I read over your last review, and you _did_ predict it. And thanks for forgiving the late updates. About Lily's parents getting involved again…oh, I have plans for them. =)**

**Skiergirl87- **Glad you like it ;)

**EmeraldDream****- 7 reviews! Thanks for the every few chapter reviews, helps me remember what I wrote back then, lol. Too bad there aren't lots of James to go around! I think we all deserve one. Haha, you predicted a couple of things right before they happened too. Anyway, I'm glad you like the story so far and I hope you continue to read!**

**gl-****andrea****- You read it all in one sitting? I'm impressed! And honored…I hope you liked this chapter! Thanks again.**

**Carolinus**** Took- Lol, I will. Thank you!**

**Abigail- **I hope you do come back and finish…but in any case, thanks so much for reading and I'm glad you like it!

**And, of course, a very _special_ thanks to Nerdypurdy *grin***

**Wow, that**** took awhile =) That's a good thing though…Dang, I'm out of advil, so I need to go lay down or something (strep throat). That's okay though- tomorrow- well- actually in 2 minutes (it's almost **midnight****** here) I'll be 15! Yep, my birthday is on Mother's Day every 6 years (would be 7, if not for leap year)…Thanks for reading this chapter!**

**Coming up:**

**-- Return of Mary and the Marauders…and the rest of the school of course**

**-- Special appearance by Mrs. Evans herself (lol)**

**-- Dumbledore's decision on what to do with Kelly**

**Please review- it's a birthday present for me!**


	22. Unresolved Holiday

**A/N: Some of you wonderful (I do mean that) readers already know why this took so long, since you read the ADM update. As to the rest of you, I'll just say that I haven't been in town and I had no computer...that about sums it up.**

**       I actually wrote the beginning of this chapter during a blackout in Arizona, but I did end up changing it a bit later on. Speaking of AZ, I've always loved the monsoon storms there. The lightning is spectacular; my sister and I stood outside just to watch it for a while, and we got to see one horizontal bolt cover 180 degrees ;) Lol, we had a birthday party for my little brother and there was another blackout, so we went inside the house to watch all the little kids beat the crap out of the piñata on the floor by way of flashlights. Oh well, the rain helped put the wildfire out, after all! I'm speaking of the one by Tucson, in the Catalina's, if anyone lives around there. I feel so bad for those people on the mountain...**

**       But I'll shut up now, because I think you'd rather read the chapter anyway!  It's just that I can't talk about boring things in real conversation, because my friends would tell me to shut up, but here I can ramble without interruption! Hope everyone's enjoying their summers!**

@~~~~~~~~~~~@

Chapter 22- Unresolved Holiday

       It was foolish to think about it; Lily knew that. It irritated her the entire time she lay awake, staring at the ceiling of her dorm room. The fact that there were much more important things to direct her attention to just made her more annoyed at James. If he hadn't looked so irresistibly attractive standing there in the common room, she would never have lost her train of thought and kissed him, even if it was only a half-kiss. She scowled. Now that she had done a bang up job of completely contradicting what she had been trying to say about where their relationship was headed, he was bound to be making ridiculous presumptions. He was going to be expecting more of that, no doubt... _Well let him expect_! She thought bitterly. _But he sure as hell isn't going to get any more of that from _me_!_ Although, the thought that maybe she wasn't the only one that might snog him made her irrevocably jealous, which in turn caused her annoyance to deepen.

~*~

       Lily practically jumped out of bed the next morning, feeling like she deserved some answers. Oh, not from James. She had every intention of avoiding him for the time being, as she still had no idea what she was going to do about all that...No, she was going to speak with Professor Dumbledore. He was the only person that she could think of to put herself at ease. While his answers could very well make her feel worse, she was hoping that he'd have some good news to share with her.

       She pulled on some clothes hastily, tied her hair back, and left everything else in her dorm how it was. Less than ten minutes later, she was standing just outside his office, having remembered yesterday's password to relay to the stone gargoyle. Taking a deep breath, she knocked lightly. 

       "Come in." A tired voice commanded from inside.

Lily stepped through, feeling a bit worried all of a sudden. Had this really been a good idea?

       "Ah, Ms. Evans. I'm pleased to see you. I had a feeling you would be coming." Although he was looking grave, he seemed to be doing a good job of maintaining his usual air and Lily found herself comforted by that. "Take a seat."

       She did so, clasping her hands together in her lap nervously.

"I trust that you have a few questions for me?" Dumbledore said quietly.

       "Well, sir," she began all at once, "I've been a bit- well, worried- about Daniel Hopkins."

The headmaster nodded. He frowned slightly and hesitated a moment. "No, I'm sorry Lily. We haven't been able to learn anything of his whereabouts. You will, however, be one of the first to know."

       This did absolutely nothing to lighten her conscience. She had been afraid of this. "But, sir-" she gave up, not knowing what to say next.

       He was regarding her with a patient gaze. He acted like he sensed her stress and sympathized with it. Perhaps this was why she had come to see him; he had always understood her before. Dumbledore, however, seemed regally unaware of anything of the sort, and simply watched her. When she failed to speak, he began, "You're probably also wondering about Ms. Johnstone." She was indeed. "I have come to a decision, though I'll admit that it was not the easiest thing I've ever done."

       "_What_?" she inquired breathlessly.

"Well," a small smile spread across his thin lips. "I saw it only fitting to allow her to help with the Order of the Phoenix for the time being."

       Lily was about to laugh, before she realized that he wasn't joking. "But - Prof -" This was absurd, what was he thinking of? This might have been the very first time that she had disagreed with any of Dumbledore's decisions.

       He held up a hand to silence her, and explained in a firm tone, "Ms. Johnstone may have useful information for you. She seemed to truly repent of what she's done in the past, and I'm under the impression that she will do anything to help you at the moment."

       "At the moment?" Lily asked incredulously, a little louder than necessary. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

       "Forgive me," Dumbledore said with a serene sigh, "I mean to say that she will most likely not be a permanent member of the Order-"

       "Oh really?" In other circumstances, Lily would have been revolted at her attitude; arguing with the headmaster! But she was far too annoyed and weary for this. Not to mention apprehensive.

       "If you would let me explain, I think you'd find it all more to your liking." He stated in a perfectly even tone. "She has agreed to do whatever I need her to, and I think I'll probably be asking her for assistance in the near future."

       "Really though," Lily tried again, attempting to calm her temper. "Do you think she's fit to be trusted?"

       Dumbledore paused. "I have no doubt that she's trustworthy. And a good judge of character is one thing I always liked to pride myself on." He smiled. "I think, that if you gave her another chance, you would see what I mean."

       Lily took a deep breath. "Yes, sir." She managed reluctantly. She rose from her chair, feeling as if she would like nothing better than to curl up in front of the common room fire in silence. She moved towards the door.

       "Oh, and Ms. Evans?" She paused, waiting for him to continue. "I sent an owl to your mother regarding your sudden appearance at the castle, but I have a feeling that she'll want something a bit more- well - personal."

       Lily was too caught in her thoughts to give this statement much observance right then, so she simply nodded and swept out of the office. However much she didn't want to, she needed to tell James about this; she required a second opinion.

~*~*~

            James gazed into his bathroom mirror, not exactly looking at his reflection; it was more like he was trying to look _beyond_ himself, into his head. Obviously, this did absolutely nothing. He was still as uneasy and undecided as he had been before. Sighing, he splashed a bit of cold water onto his face, and then ambled back into his dorm and frowned at the empty beds. He missed having his friends there, especially Sirius. Padfoot was always joking loudly, never allowing thought. Without him here, James was free to dwell on things he would rather not. Really, the only person around here was Lily, and he wasn't looking forward to talking with her. Lately she'd been trying to distance herself; even more mentally than physically. Things had never gone right for the two of them, which made him wonder which part of his mind thought that it could work _now_.

            He was searching through his drawers for a shirt was his door was thrown open. Lily stood in the doorway, and immediately her eyes widened when she saw that the upper half of his body was uncovered. Her cheeks flushed a bit before she managed to quickly gather herself together and throw a glare at him, as if everything bad was his fault. James frowned. "Need something?" He growled.

            She purposefully ignored his attire and strode over to his bed, where she sat down and faced him. "I thought you might be interested to know the situation with Kelly." She inspected her nails, as if they were suddenly very interesting. "But I suppose not."

            He forgot all about getting dressed and went to sit beside her. "Don't be stupid, just tell me."

            "You have no consideration; ever heard of asking nicely?" He simply glared at her, and because she was so eager to tell him in any case, she gave up. "Fine." Her tone became distasteful, as if she would rather not voice the information but knew it was necessary. "He's put her into the Order."

            "What?" James stared her in the face, trying to discern whether she was joking or not. _No_, he decided, _she wouldn't look so bothered if she wasn't seriou_s. "Why would he ever do _that_?"

            Lily snorted. "Don't ask me. He seems to find it reasonable."

"Reasonable! My god, she almost got us killed! Unless Dumbledore's turned to the Death Eaters," he allowed himself a dry chuckle at the idea, "then he's lost his marbles!"

            She rolled her eyes at him. "Lost his marbles, indeed. I don't suppose you have a more sophisticated way than that to describe the situation." But she seemed to privately agree.

            He frowned at her a second time, and their eyes remained locked for a moment, green fighting brown, until she pulled her glance down to her hands.

            James broke the awkward silence. "Well can't we convince him otherwise?"

"I tried already." Lily sighed, and flushed a little remembering her immediate reaction to the news. "And anyway, even if she did already know about the Order, he must have told her more about it, and that's enough to worry me."

            He hesitated briefly. "Well," he spoke quietly, "We'll just have to take it on ourselves to keep a close watch on her. Dumbledore's never been wrong before, but I'm not so sure about this time…"

            "There isn't anything we can do about it at this point besides make sure she doesn't sneak away…" she trailed off, shuddering at what Kelly could make happen if she released any important information to Voldemort. After a moment, she looked up at him and met his eye. "Well I'm glad I'm not the only one who disapproves." She didn't appear to be glad in the least. Lily's emerald eyes scanned him carefully. "Now stop showing off like a prat and put a shirt on."

       James looked down at himself and realized that, indeed, he was still only half-clothed. He glanced back at Lily and saw that despite her annoyed manner, she was eyeing him with quite a different expression. Smirking, he grabbed the shirt he had earlier thrown aside and pulled it on.

       Lily pulled her eyes away finally, snapping back to herself, and evenly announced, "Let's go, then."

            "What? Where?" He eyed her curiously.

She mumbled, "I promised you we'd go to Hogsmeade, didn't I?"

            His face split into a grin; he had forgotten all about that! She took notice of his grin and couldn't help but smile slightly in return. 

            "I just need to grab some money from my dorm; I'll meet you in the common room in five minutes." With that, she stalked out of the room.

            He watched her retreating back until it disappeared around the corner, and then pulled out some money of his own and stuffed it hastily into his pockets. Damn, now if only he could remember where he had left his shoes…

~*~*~*~

            They returned to the Gryffindor common room late that evening. They hadn't spent much of the trip together; it was Christmas Eve after all, and they hadn't bought presents yet. Plus they were acting a bit awkward toward one another- angry one moment and silent and staring the next. It was like some sort of contest, to see who was better at acting stupid. If anyone had asked James what their relationship was, he wouldn't have been able to answer. He couldn't read into her when she was putting so much energy into being unreadable. So he'd given up. Whatever their present relationship was, it was clear that it made neither of them happy. Add to the mix the fact that James didn't have his invisibility cloak, since their trunks were still missing, and you had a thoroughly unsettled afternoon.       

            The two of them had managed to sneak out of the castle without fault, walking through the passageway in silence. It reminded both of them of the first time they had done this together, and neither wished to discuss that. They decided to go to the Three Broomsticks first for a butterbeer.

            "What will you dears be wanting?" Madam Rosmerta asked them happily, obviously not registering their grim expressions.

            "Uh, two butterbeers, please." James requested, and then settled back into his seat across from Lily.          

            "So you have manners for other people, but not when it comes to me?" Lily raised an eyebrow.

            He stared defiantly at her and then down at the table, not bothering to protest. Lily was still staring at him when the butterbeers finally arrived. As the buried their faces in their drinks, James suddenly felt a slight pressure on his leg. He frowned, and his eyes widened when he realized that it was Lily's foot. "Uh." He said.

            She looked up with a questioning gaze, and when his eyes dropped to his leg, she understood. "Oh, sorry! I thought that was the table." She grabbed her mug for another drink, not meeting his eye.

            For some reason, he didn't believe her. But why on earth was she doing this to him? And why did she look so unbothered by it all?

            They had left minutes later and went their separate ways to shop. And now, back in the common room, Lily was sitting on the couch before the fire, warming her hands. James was upstairs, doing something or another. He had said goodnight a few minutes earlier. _At least there was no accidental kiss this time,_ Lily resolved. Maybe she had assumed too quickly that he would be expecting her to continue kissing him, after last night's slip. But he hadn't mentioned it at all today. In fact, he'd shown considerably less warmth towards her today than he had in the past few days. She wasn't sure what to make of it, but decided to leave the matter alone for the time being and head up to bed herself.

~*~*~*~*~

            Lily couldn't help but feel in lighter spirits; it was Christmas! She was going to forget all of her problems, even if only for twenty-four hours. Deciding to be festive and wear red and green, she dressed in rather a hurry. Not sure what she was hurrying for, she slowed a little on the steps leading to the common room. Of course it was filled with all of the Gryffindors who had stayed behind for the holidays; mostly young students. Her eyes sought through all of them and found the one person that she knew - James. He was sitting in one of the chairs to the right of the portrait hole, watching the scene before him with a slight grin on his face. Smiling (and appearing to forget all previous arguments with him), she walked right over and took a seat in the chair next to his.

            He grinned at her and ran a hand through his dark hair, making it stand up even more. "I got you a present." He announced, handing her a nicely wrapped gold package.

            "Oh - er - thanks. I got you one too." Lily handed him his, and they both began unwrapping simultaneously. 

            After a minute's fumbling, Lily exclaimed, "James, how could you possibly remember?" she held up a book entitled _All Charms, Known and Unknown_.

            He shrugged, glancing at the book with an unreadable expression. "I wasn't sure what to get you, but then I decided on that, just to show you that I really do listen to everything you say, whether you think I do or not."

            "James…thanks." Her eyes held an affectionate expression when she looked up at him. She had mentioned the book briefly when they were first getting to know each other; she didn't know what she was going to do after Hogwarts yet, but she was certain that it would involve charms. This book was the most rare charms book of them all, and she had wanted it since fifth year but never found it. That was the next thing she intended to ask- where had he found it at? Surely not Hogsmeade- she'd looked there a million times before.

            He nodded to say 'you're welcome', but was busy staring at his own present. It was a rectangular box, all black with gold trim. He had flipped the lid back and was gazing inside. "Erm…what is all this?" he asked finally.

            She smiled at him warmly. "I didn't think you would know. I talked with the Zonko's shopkeeper yesterday, bought a few special things from him, and charmed them myself. It's a few assorted things- that lotion will do horrible things to other people's skin (temporarily, of course), the water will only make you more thirsty …oh, and get a professor to eat that candy and they'll lose their voice, irreversible by any charms I can think of, for an entire day. I thought that one would come in handy if you weren't up to listening in a certain class…There's other stuff too. I wrote out a description of everything on that parchment there, and clearly labeled it all so you can't do anything stupid…" she trailed off, waiting for him to say something. Just as he opened his mouth, however, she added, "You'd better be happy. Nothing else like that exists, and I spent a lot of time looking up those charms last night. Who knows, Zonko's may even like one of them enough to buy the rights to make it."

            James grinned at her. Practical jokes never disagreed with him. "Thanks a bunch, Lily. I'll bet Sirius will fall for any of these, especially since he's never heard of them."

            "Well…just don't try anything on me, alright?"

He simply smiled. They both looked away from each other, lost in their own thoughts. While the gifts were satisfying, they were also completely friendly. Not, well, _romantic_ in any way. It wasn't as if either of them wanted that, and they weren't even surprised that it had turned out this way. It was just another thing to add to the pile of evidence for an unlabeled relationship. Oh well.

            At that moment, there was a tapping at the window. Lily wasn't sure how she heard it, since the window was all the way across the room. Either way, she rose and walked over to open it to bring the owl inside. It hooted softly and stuck out its leg for her. A Hogwarts owl - who around here would need to send her an owl, and now of all times? James appeared at her shoulder as she unraveled the parchment. 

_Ms. Evans-_

_            I mentioned it to you when you left my office yesterday morning. Your mother does indeed wish for a more personal response. She wishes to speak with you. Kindly come up to my office as quickly as you can._

_Professor Dumbledore_

"What?!" James actually voiced what he thought of it first. Lily simply stared at the parchment open-mouthed. So that was what Dumbledore had meant by _personal_. She hadn't known, and so had dismissed that last comment of his thinking it was insignificant. If she_ had_ known…She shook herself.

            "How am I supposed to talk to her from here?" Lily asked, not expecting anyone to answer. "My mum's a muggle, after all."

            James shrugged. When she started to move towards the portrait hole, he stepped forward. "Do you - er - want me to come with you?"

            She glanced at him silently, and then shook her head. "No. No need for you to see her too. It'll just make her angrier and you annoyed, because she tends to annoy everyone." She smiled weakly at him. "Just meet me down in the Great Hall, since we'll be having the feast in there shortly."

            Lily turned away from him and tore out of the common room. Her stomach and spirits had dropped considerably, and she wasn't sure what to think about this. Her hand closed tighter around the parchment. _Why can't I have just one day off? _She thought angrily. It wasn't fair.

            When she entered Dumbledore's office, he was standing near his desk. He began to speak as soon as she entered. "I'm sorry about this, but it must be done. She demanded that you come home, and stay there, but I insisted that I'm in need of my Head students very much at the moment."

            "Well then, what's this about?" she blurted out, staring openly.

"In order to compensate for keeping you, I told her that I knew of an old spell created by a muggleborn who was frustrated at not being able to contact his parents easily and efficiently. It allows for her image to reach you and yours to reach her, for up to thirty minutes. You cannot touch each other, but you'll be able to hear and see. I've already done what is required; she should be appearing any moment now."

            Indeed, as soon as he finished, Mrs. Evans was suddenly standing between them, her image rather transparent but there nonetheless. Lily hardly had time to recover from shock before Dumbledore added in a soft tone, "Don't forget to join everyone at the Christmas feast. I'll leave you two to talk freely and go down there early." He gave Lily a smile that was both encouraging and sympathetic, although she dimly felt that in a twisted way she deserved this, before he left the room completely. 

            Mrs. Evans had been glaring at both of them in turn, having dropped her usual polite and airy demeanor for something that made Lily fear what her mum was going to do next. She reminded herself that they couldn't touch each other. The problem was that words usually did more harm than anything else.

            "What were you thinking?" Her mum screeched in a horrible tone. "I can't believe it! You have no idea what kinds of excuses we had to make up for Patrick and anyone else who wished to know!"

            Lily scowled immediately. "And to think you might have been worried about my safely instead. You always did care more about social things."

            Mrs. Evans' face was a terrible shade of red. "You're really not in a position to argue with me! I'll have you know that as soon as you step off that train for the summer, you're not going anywhere!"

            This was only a repeat of their usual arguments…Lily's gaze had moved over to Dumbledore's desk, beside which were two trunks.   
            Her mum noticed what she was looking at. "Yes, he asked that I send them back. I should have kept the boy's trunk, criminal that he is!"

            Lily snorted. "Criminal? Where's the verdict on that?"

"It will never work, Lily." She practically spat at her daughter. "And it's about time you realize that! He's nothing more than a-"

            "Well you don't have to worry about that anyway." She said bitterly, glowering at the floor in front of her.

            "Whatever," her mother waved a hand to show that the matter was completely settled. "There are ways, you know. You may be of age in the wizarding world, but you aren't in my world. I have every right to tell you what to do."

            Lily's face paled. She hadn't really thought about _that_ before. "And what- what about Patrick?"

            "You're lucky that your father and I were able to convince him and we're already setting up a wedding date! It's to be no later than a month after you come home. And if you do one more thing to hinder what I've done for you, you're going to have a lot more on your mind than your safety." Her eyes flashed as she finished.

            _Well it's nice to know that _Patrick_ had a say in the decision_, she thought sarcastically, _he even had to be convinced_ to help ruin my life. _Lily groaned, tugging on her auburn hair nervously. She didn't need to hear any more; just the reminder of what was in her future put her into such a state of anxiety that she headed for the door, ignoring her mum's protests._

            "I am not finished with you, young lady! Why are you so ungrateful?"

Lily slammed the door behind her, her eyes downcast. It wasn't as if she hadn't more or less known everything her mother had said, there was just something about hearing it voiced that made it seem too real. 

            She wouldn't allow herself to think of it - she wouldn't break down and cry. Why should it be such a big deal anyway? Maybe she was just too soft. Maybe someone else would be able to handle this with ease. She couldn't allow her future to be controlled for her; especially since marrying Patrick meant giving up the magical world for good. But at the same time, she couldn't do anything about it. She didn't have money of her own, not really. Where would she go? She couldn't abandon the only home she had; and she was too stubborn to ask for help. These thoughts whirled around inside her head, until a dull throbbing began.

            And she couldn't just skip the Christmas feast either, because she didn't want anyone to know just how much turmoil seeing her mother had put her in. So she entered the Great Hall with a cheerless expression on her face and seated herself beside James at the Gryffindor table. It appeared that they had already started without her, as he was chewing on something. He looked up at her and his face was immediately concerned. "What's wrong?"

            "Nothing's wrong." She said, surprised at how calm her voice sounded.

He watched her unbelievingly as she filled her plate and began to nibble absently at random pieces of food. A moment later, she announced, "I'm going to get some punch." 

            She drank an awful lot of punch in the next hour or so. Lily noticed at first sip that it was spiked, and that was what made her keep going for more. She wasn't sure why, besides that it gave her the dull feeling that she was searching for. James noticed nothing, until many goblets of punch later, when she was beginning to act a bit strange. He leaned over and snatched the goblet from her hands, giving it a sniff.

            He growled. He should have known that a fifth or sixth year would find it funny to spike the punch! He seemed to forget the fact that he, too, had found it funny earlier that year, and if Lily hadn't been the one to be effected, it might have been funny this time as well. 

            Lily tried to grab the goblet back from him, but he shook his head. "I think you've had quite enough for now." He told her grimly. She wobbled on her seat, causing him to grab her arm. "Alright, we're going upstairs."

            "No," she started to protest, and muttered something else unrecognizable. _Damn it James, he told himself, _it took you bloody long enough to notice._ And why hadn't Dumbledore noticed anything either? He glanced angrily at the headmaster, but Dumbledore wasn't paying any attention, only chattering merrily away with McGonagall. He proceeded to help Lily up to the Gryffindor common room. She had drunk way over the limit. It took awhile, but they eventually got there; well, James eventually got them there._

            "Some hypocrite you are, accusing _me_ of drinking too much." James muttered.

Her head only slumped against his shoulder and she laughed, as if what he had just said was incredibly funny. "Want to dance?" she asked carelessly, trying to pull away from him, but almost falling in the attempt.

            "No, I don't." he growled at her. "You need to get up to bed, but I don't think you have the strength, so you'll just have to lie on the couch down here for now."

            She smiled up at him meaninglessly and he sighed. This wasn't exactly what he had thought would happen on Christmas. Although, having met Lily's mum, he couldn't really help but feel sympathy towards her. He lived with quite a bit, but at least he could make his own decisions, even if they were criticized. 

            Much later, when Lily had dropped off, James pulled away from her with a heavy appearance, and headed for his own dorm. He pulled some pajamas on and dropped onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. It was funny how what you thought would be a perfectly normal day turned out otherwise. Well, maybe funny was the incorrect word to describe it…

            To his surprise, his door was pushed open. He sat up; all traces of sleep removed, and saw a flash of red stumble in. James groaned. Lily up in his room at night was not what he needed right now; especially not when she was drunk. And it was obvious when he looked into her face as she slowly approached that she was still drunk. 

            She laughed and reached a hand out to touch his cheek. "You need to shave." She giggled, and pulled herself onto the bed next to him.

            He stared at her. She had come into his room willingly. Well, sort of. He couldn't say that he wanted her to leave, but he felt guilty about her having no idea what she was doing.

            After a few minutes of staring, her face turned sort of serious and she announced, "I wish I had lived a couple hundred years ago."

            Startled by a comment he had certainly not expected, he replied, "No you don't."

"Yes. Just think of it. There was honor and chivalry, and oh, everything would have been better."

            He watched as if she had gone mad. "Yeah, and there was death and sickness."

Lily waved a hand, her eyes unfocused. "So what. There is now too."

            "Well, you would have had even less say in your life than you do now. Women were not exactly free people back then, not even in the wizarding world." This was ridiculous, why was he having this conversation? She was drunk; that was her excuse. What was his? That he wanted her to be there? He frowned and hated himself just then.

            "Oh. Yes, I guess I wouldn't have liked it." She slurred, curling up against him.

There was nothing for it…he reached out an arm to sling over her, but before he could, she had leaned over so that their noses were touching.

            "Er-" he began.

"I never properly thanked you for your er…" she seemed to be searching for a word. "gift. Yes, that's what you call it…" It was obvious that Lily was having difficulty forming words, and James was having almost as much difficulty understanding them.

            They stared at one another, James trying to decide what to do about the fact that Lily was lying in bed with him. Before he could lead her out, as he finally thought would be best, she had moved to close the inch that separated them. It surely wasn't the best kiss they'd shared, since she wasn't aware of much. But something told him not to break it off. It seemed right, and after being deprived of her kisses for so long, he almost felt like he had the right. He could taste the alcohol on her. An awful lot of it. He wished he had noticed the punch sooner…but then again, if he had, he wouldn't be snogging her in his bed right now. Immediately he felt guilty again and pulled away.

            "Don't do that." She mumbled. "I…" She closed her eyes. "I don't want to leave. Can I stay here all the time, with you?" She was already falling asleep for a second time. Only now her head was on his chest and he was staring at her as if he had no idea how to handle this. As she fell asleep, grasping for his hand, he decided that this really wasn't his fault and they could just sort it out in the morning. He forgot all about the fact that their friends would be coming home the next morning. He leaned over carefully and kissed the top of her head, brushing her long hair from her face, and positioned himself comfortably. Then he drifted off, not sure what to make of anything.

@~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: So I lied. Everyone will be coming back in the _next_ chapter.**

**Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday! I swear, reading over those reviews - it just reminded me how long it's been since I posted last- I mean, my birthday's in May! Here we are almost into August. Well, on with the thanks:**

**~*~**

**Nefurland****- **the only L/J you've ever liked? Wow, and I can think of so many that are better than this one. Oh well, thanks a bunch, I'm flattered! And yes, I think Lily and James are frustrating too. 

**August 'roxy' Taylor- **Well it's just as good as a cake any day! Glad you liked the chapter.

**Saiyoness**** Angelisa Snape- **Hello again! Lol, thanks, I did end up getting better in a few days, although I didn't find advil for awhile. I've been a bit busy...but I'm sure that you've been working on your fanfics, and I won't forget about them, don't worry!

**bixxxou****-**Lol, they're both confusing! James more than Lily though. Of course I'll be complicating things further, I can't just let them be happy yet ;) Yes, corny would be a good English word to describe James haha. I thought about Lily getting jewelry for Christmas, but decided against it, since it's so common. Well, thanks again!

**Flame- Thrower- **I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! As for reviewing earlier, most people don't review until they've finished the story (or what there is of it posted) anyway, so I appreciate it...I hope you keep reading.

**Young Golden Unicorn- **Well this certainly isn't the last you've seen of Lily's parents, Mrs. Evans in particular...But I haven't decided for sure yet what's going to happen then. Thanks again ;)

**Mooky****- **Well, James' invisibility cloak was in the trunk, but Lily forgot about them for the time being, so they're still in Dumbledore's office. Oh, and Kelly obviously has to prove herself, so we'll see what happens with that...I promise there with be more with the Order next chapter, when everyone's back from break. I always wanted to finish the story before OotP came out, but I just didn't have the time. So it's obviously AU now, but oh well. Really, you like my writing style? =) Hope you'll keep reading.

**KrystinePotterLover****- **Lol, I hope you still like it. Ty for reviewing!

**Sarah- **Thanks! I try to be original, but it doesn't always work...

**Kirbee****- **It is sad, how it's so much harder to find a good fic on this site than it was before. Oh well, I guess they're still there, if you look hard enough. Lol, I know, Peter needs a good beating or something...I just don't know what to do with that boy. Well let's hope that Kelly isn't going back to the Death Eaters, I think she knows a little too much now.

**Carolinus**** Took- **I know, I have just as much trouble writing out how I feel about a chapter. I usually end up saying the same thing all the time, even if the fic is really good. But it doesn't matter, because I appreciate all of your reviews!

**Lizzy-beth****- **Lol, nope, actually my birthday's May 11th, but we're close anyway! Happy very late birthday, btw. Lily and James _will_ get back together soon, it just depends on your definition of soon...

**Lamina Court- ***Wipes away a tear* Beautiful singing, I must say. Lol, Dumbledore _is_ weird with what he knows and doesn't know- I'm not sure where the line is between the two. Hahaha...the BSB. My god, I must have been 11 or 12 when I first started liking them. I was _obsessed_! It's sad, now that I think about it, but it's still funny. James mature = Backstreet Boys. Lol, I'll have to think about that one =) I can't believe it's been over a month since OotP! What did you think? I found it quite sad...I can't believe _he's_ gone! And now we have to wait for book six...*sigh* 

**Oneiros**** lykos- **May 9th, huh? I'm just learning about so many people's birthdays on ff.net being near mine...well happy very late birthday! 

**Everblue3- **No, strep throat is certainly not fun. Lol thanks for the advice, I only had it for a few more days, so it wasn't so bad. You read so much into these chapters that I have much fun reading your reviews! I think Dumbledore is one of those people who has no clearly defined personality; he tends to surprise you sometimes and nobody questions him. He seemed a little different in OotP especially. That makes it hard to decide how he's going to react to things, but he's also a very interesting character. Glad you like the differences between Lily and James. Actually, this chapter didn't take me long at all - once I finally started it that is. Hope you're doing well!

**Fiery red-haired girl- **Lol, you really think so? I'm flattered!

**Clearbrook****- **You just want to keep making me grin, that's it ;) Thanks again; you already know how much I appreciate it!

**Jellybean- **Well I certainly hope that it will turn out to be a good story, but I guess we'll have to see, won't we? Thanks for reviewing!

**Kayla- **Lol, thank you! Glad you like the story.

**Mistress del Mare- **hmm, kidnapping and giving information to Voldemort, huh? Yep, that _is_ how Kelly's supposed to be portrayed! Lol. Well I'm very glad to see that you've come back to read another chapter; thanks a bunch!

**Unicornjewel****- **A new reviewer! I'm happy to see you here! Yes, Daniel will be in the next few chapters, we'll see what goes on with him. Actually, I usually post more often than this, it's just taken forever this time. I hope you'll still read, it shouldn't be as long for chapter 23!

**Yay****- **Haha, glad to hear it!

**Luna-Elentari- **Well, Kelly will be around a bit longer, although we'll see whether that's a good or bad thing...yes, poor Mary! You wanted Mrs. Evans to come back? Lol, I have to agree, she does provide amusement...

**Libberacious****- **Lol, it is more likely that they're be away from the Dark Arts and parents at Hogwarts -but not certain. She saw her mom again already...Haha, James was a bit down on himself, but not for too long. Anyway, I'm glad you still like it!

**Akanksha**** Mathur Chibi Dude- **Thank you for reviewing; sorry I forgot all about reading your poem until today!

**Nerdypurdy****- **Lol, of course you got a special thanks...sigh, and now you've left me and gone off again! How we managed to plan going out of town so that one of us is always gone is beyond me! Wait a minute- I think _you_ need to update!

**Kay- **You think it's that good? *grin* I'm so happy.

**PeRkieGuRL****- **Haha, now I don't even remember what you asked me, it's been so long...oh yes, please do kick James in the bum, it would be _so_ amusing!

**Senna****- **Yeah, I don't think I realized that nothing muggle would work at Hogwarts when I wrote that...oh well! The whole fic is AU after OotP anyway! Thanks again!

**TheLillyPotter****- **Soon...well, that was definitely not soon, whatever it was. I'll try to get the next chapter up much sooner!

**Jessica Halliwell Potter- **Lol, well I'm glad you did get through all twenty-one chapters. And thanks for reviewing too!

**Tori**** Daniels- **Oh course I'll email you =) Right after I post this. I wonder if you'll even remember the story, lol. Lily's mom _is_ pretty amusing, I have to admit.

**Krissy****- **Yep, you spelt it right! I'll keep writing, I hope you'll keep reading!

**Killer Angel- **Lol, since you asked so nicely, here's another chapter ;)

**Rachel Lewis- **I hope you continue to like the story. And Patrick is obviously not out of the picture just yet...

**Celestial Angel- **She is muggleborn, actually, though I see how you would think she wasn't. That's another reason she doesn't want to marry Patrick...no more magic! Cause he's a muggle too. Lol, it has been awhile since my bday, huh? Anyways, I'm glad you like it!

**Destiny's Phoenix- **Thank you =) I'm sure there are many grammar mistakes in here, but hopefully not _too_ many. I really hope you continue to enjoy the story.

**LilyMarie****- **Well, it depends on how you define soon...but they'll be getting together sometime (obviously). There were also be more about Daniel coming up. 

**SterlingSilver****- **Yep, I've been reminded that muggle technology doesn't work, but thanks! I wasn't aware of that when I wrote that chapter, but now I remember something about it...You made it through this many chapters ;) Hope you'll read more.

**MonkeyGurl1- **=) Glad you think so.

**Slytherin-fanatic- **I'm happy that you're enjoying it so far. Thanks for_ all_ of those reviews! 

**Anna- **Hooked? I hope so! I haven't stopped yet, I just took a, uh, break that I didn't expect to take ;)

**Amanda- **Thank you, and I suppose it hasn't been too long since you reviewed, so it _was_ soon in this case!

**Stephanie- **Lol, I agree, not all hats are bad. One of my best friends wears them all the time. I now know that boys can't go into the girls' dorms, but I wrote that chapter _long_ before the book came out. This is the first chapter I've written since I read it, actually. Thanks for reviewing!

**~*~**

**A/N: School starts in 3 weeks and we move out of this hotel in about 2 weeks, so I'm not completely sure when and where I'll be writing the next chapter. But I do promise you that it won't be another 2 months- that was a one time thing. Thanks again to all of you who keep encouraging me to write ;)**

**A few things to expect in chapter 23:**

**~ Mary and the Marauders (Really, this time)**

**~ An Order of the Phoenix meeting, with Kelly present**

**~ Something James didn't expect to be in his trunk**

**Until then,**

**~Emily~**


	23. There Are Reasons for Most Things

**A/N: I know, I know; I have no excuse really. I think I'll keep quiet from now on about when the next chapter will be posted, because things usually don't turn out as I expect. I know they didn't this summer…I realized a few minutes ago when I posted last chapter, and it's sort of sad. I hadn't known, though it was the day before, that I would be flying back to AZ, or that we wouldn't be moving into our house for a long time. But I'm sorry; this isn't a journal, so I won't tell you about all that. I just wish I could have gotten this chapter out sooner. But well, what can you do? =)  I hope you guys like it, even if you probably don't remember what this story is about lol.**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_Well he can't sleep at night_

_And he can't do what's right_

_It was all because she came into his life_

_It's a deep obsession taking up his time_

_She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs_

_She's everything he just won't believe_

_Take away his doubt, turn him inside out_

_Then she can see what he's been dying to say_

_But things don't always turn out that way_

_And he must confess_

_All the impure thoughts of his beautiful temptress_

_Although he keeps it all bottled up inside_

_Although he keeps it all safe within his mind, oh yeah_

_She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs_

_She's everything he just won't believe_

_Take away his doubt, turn him inside out_

_Then she can see what he's been dying to say_

_But things don't always turn out that way_

_So wipe that smile off your face_

_Before it gets too late_

_There's only so much time_

_For you to make up your mind_

_She's all that he wants, she's all that he needs_

_She's everything he just won't believe_

_Take away his doubt, turn him inside out_

_Then she can see what he's been dying to say_

_But things don't always turn out that way_

_~ "Things Don't Always Turn Out That Way" by The Calling_

**Chapter 23- There Are Reasons for Most Things**

Mary and three of the Marauders entered the boys' dorm with faces etched in surprise. Almost the whole train ride had consisted of the topic, "Where are Lily and James?" and what they might be doing, if they were off together, which was likely because they had both vanished.

            They found the two people in question. Lily and James were asleep on his bed; her dark auburn hair was fanned across his chest, while her head lay on his shoulder, their cheeks touching. Upon closer inspection, Mary noticed that James' hand rested halfway up, and under, Lily's shirt.

            Mary raised an eyebrow with a crafty smile, and Sirius ran past her with unsuppressed glee written on his face.

            "No, don't touch them!" Mary hissed, grabbing at his arm.

He glanced up at her, surprised. "And why not?"

            Remus, standing behind them with a grin, said, "It's too bad I don't have a camera."

            Sirius assumed an expression of mock surprise. "Moony! Are you trying to blackmail our friends?"

            Remus shrugged. "I suppose that's one way of putting it." Mary winked at him, causing his face to redden slightly. He glanced back at Lily and James with a content smile. Peter was staring at the floor, apparently indifferent to the whole situation. He had been especially quiet on the train, saying no more than five words together.

            "Now, what to do about this-"

But just as Mary began, Lily's eyes popped open, brightly emerald and perplexed. Her head rose slightly, eyes roaming over the four of them, obviously wondering what they were doing standing around her. Then she noticed the lump beneath her and glanced down at it; or him, as she discovered with a start. 

            "James?" she blurted incredulously, seeming to forget the others. "What the f-"

"Ah yes, she wakes to find that her friends know all that she has done." Mary said before chortling. Sirius snickered next to her and Remus' grin became broader.

            Lily directed her gaze in their direction, her hand still on James' arm. "Where did you come from?" She blinked, rubbing her eyes.

            "Isn't the better question where _you came from? Or did you forget that we were all supposed to get back _today_?" Sirius crossed his arms. _

            Lily decided to ignore the question and turned back to look at James. She suddenly realized her position and pulled away from him, snatching her hands back as if burned. Then he stirred. The first thing he saw was her green eyes staring at him with a confused and slightly angry expression. The night before came flooding back to him and he groaned.

            Her face darkened. "What am I doing in your room, in your bed, with you?" she demanded.

            "Er-" he stared at her, but her face inquired of him whether he would rather answer or die. "You were drunk last night, something about your mum I think, but you never really explained and-"

            "And you took advantage of me?" It was practically a shout. 

"Oh boy." Remus mumbled, and James seemed to suddenly realize that there were four people crowded around them. He scowled at Moony and turned back to Lily with apprehension. 

            "No!" he said quickly. "I didn't touch you!"

She stared with probing eyes. "And that's why I wake up to find your hand molesting me?" she grunted. The others snickered, but James looked confused. Lily gave him no time to ask. "I can't believe you would-"

            "That isn't fair, Lily!" James exclaimed loudly.  
"Why ever not?" she commanded.     

            "Because I didn't bring you here- I didn't even invite you! You just came."

Her face paled. No, it couldn't be. She was positive that she would never climb in bed with him of her own volition, not even when she was drunk. Then again, the previous night was very hazy. "But…" she said quietly, trailing off.

            James looked embarrassed. Mary was suddenly staring at her feet, biting her lip, perhaps to keep back a grin. "Well, you did." He shrugged, only causing her to give him a look.

            "Whatever." Her eyes were narrow and still confused. "We'll talk about it later." When she glanced up at her best friend, she suddenly remembered what she had to tell her, and her stomach dropped. Mary met her eye and smiled.

            _I can't do it now...I just can't. _She smiled back, weakly. "Long time no see."

Mary opened her mouth. "I'm curious to know what's going on. Why are you here early?"

            "Well…it's a long story." She looked crossways at James, who stared at his hands.

            Sirius shrugged. "We have time. Tell us."

"Well…" Lily paused, still watching James. "Okay, but I don't know that it makes much sense." Mary beckoned her on, so she began relating the whole mess. It did take a few minutes, and by the time she finished, they were all looking at Lily and James with bewildered expressions.

            There was a pregnant silence. "Yes, well…" Sirius trailed off. Mary seemed to wordlessly agree with him.

            Lily watched her raven-haired friend, and was very aware of the part she had left out of her story. She had been dreading this day- she didn't know how Mary would react, and hated to be the one to tell her about it. Focusing on James' feet unconsciously, she swallowed.

            Mary noticed, saying quietly, "There's something else. Unless you really find your boyfriend's feet that enthralling."

            Lily's head snapped up and she brushed back a strand of mussed up red hair. "I told you everything." she answered, rather too fast. Mary raised an eyebrow, but dropped the subject.  Lily realized something her friend had said. "And James isn't my boyfriend." she said, "We're just friends."

            At this, their friends all grinned. "So we see." _Later; I'll tell her later. Lily sighed._

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            Later came sooner than she had hoped. Sitting on the end of Mary's bed, she stared at her friend who was leaning against the bedpost with a funny expression on her face. Lily's horrible headache was gone, thanks to a simple potion.  She had been rubbing her head earlier when Mary smiled,

            "It's your fault for getting drunk," she had said.

"The punch was spiked." 

            "Lily, I'm sure that you've had enough alcohol in the past to recognize the smell and taste."

            She hadn't cared to explain herself, and had fallen silent. Presently, Lily heaved a long sigh without realizing what she was doing.

            "Is James bothering you that much, Lily?" Mary said with a bit of a smile.

"Er- no, not exactly."

            "You actually seemed quite cozy together."

Lily shook her head. "It doesn't matter. That's over. For good this time." She emphasized.

            "Why? He loves you."

The redhead scowled. "No, he thinks he does. He doesn't know any better. The best thing for both of us- well, for him most of all- is that we stay apart."

            "Did something happen that I'm not aware of?" Mary leaned closer.

Lily looked down, her eyes tracing the lines on the bed comforter. "Not really. Just more trouble with my mum, but you know how that is. I just- I told you what happened when my mother saw us snogging at King's Cross."

            "Lily," Mary smirked, "what mother wouldn't react like that?" She paused, then was compelled to add, "I mean, on a lesser level of course. Kidnapping him, or as good as, was a bit…extreme."

            Lily grimaced. "It's just, James deserves better than that. And I have a lot of problems I need to resolve without having him to worry about."

            "You think James would want it that way?"  
"I don't give a bloody damn what James wants. He doesn't know what's good for him. My mother's threats might seem empty, but I have seen some of them carried out in the past."

            Mary studied her friend, a thoughtful expression encompassing her. "You haven't told me exactly what your mum said to you- when did you speak to her?"  
            "Yesterday." 

"But- _yesterday? How?"  
            Lily explained the spell that Dumbledore had revealed to her. "She reminded me of everything I wanted to forget."_

            "Lily, it would be so easy to just not go home or something- you're capable of living on your own. Hell, maybe we could get an apartment together or something."

            "No- it isn't that easy. My parents know people everywhere. And I don't want to hide. I never pictured my future hiding from my family. My mum may be too annoyingly involved in society, but she's still my mother. I don't want to live a lie."

            "What's the better alternative? Would you rather marry Patrick?"  
"No!"

            "I don't know what to tell you then." Mary sighed much like Lily had earlier. "I wish there were another choice, but I'm not seeing it."

            "Maybe…maybe I won't go home. But I just don't know-"

"Whatever you decide to do, Lily, I'm there with you."

            They smiled at each other. Mary announced, "I think I'll go find Daniel- you know, to catch up on things…" she winked at Lily, rising from the bed.

            Lily's grin slid off her face as quickly as it had come. "No! Wait!"

Mary stepped away from the door and stared at Lily. "Oh no, don't tell me James has corrupted you. Daniel is really a very nice guy, you know. He's-"

            "It isn't that." Lily mumbled, staring into her lap. "I- I don't know how to tell you this."

            "Oh, crap. Don't tell me you're pregnant. I'll kill J-"

Lily almost smiled, and then remembered what she had to do. Half joking however, she said, "Do you really think that of me? Besides, James and I never…" she cleared her throat, shaking herself. "Mary- Daniel's missing."

            The grin slipped off her friend's face. Her deep blue eyes bored into Lily's. She looked frozen but somehow reached the bed and sat down dazedly. "What do you mean, missing?" She frowned carefully. "Is he-"

            "We don't know…oh Mary, I'm so sorry." She quickly engulfed her friend in a tight hug. "Dumbledore has people looking, but so far there's nothing."    

            Mary didn't look sad, angry, or anything of the sort. But her blank eyes and frozen limbs told all. Lily pulled back after a long moment and attempted a smile. "Do you need anything or-"

            "No." Mary said quietly. "I think I just need to be alone for awhile."  
Lily nodded, and with one last concerned glance, left the room.

            She found herself wandering down to the common room, thoughts stringing one after another through her head; most of them were not pleasant. It was getting late; the room was mostly deserted. Lily gave a little jump when James caught her arm. He was sitting on the couch, Sirius next to him, leaning over a magazine. Remus and Peter were sprawled across the floor before the fire, talking quietly.

            Lily glanced down at James with an unreadable expression. She took a deep breath and sat down next to him, purposely leaving a good amount of room between them; James frowned.

            "Are you okay?" he asked. "You look…well, not happy."

"I'm fine." she replied tersely. 

            He didn't look convinced. "I _am sorry about last night, you know. It wasn't really my fault, I swear. Not that it was yours either, I just-" he said it all in a rush, but she cut him short._

            "It isn't that James." He frowned and she surveyed him with a flat look, her eyes never leaving his. "I just told Mary about Daniel."

            Comprehension dawned on him, his dark eyes changing like they sometimes did. "Is she okay?"

            "I think she will be. It's Mary, I don't think I've ever seen her in a bad mood for very long." She sounded doubtful though. 

            "Well that's good…" James continued to stare at her. He reached a hand out to brush it through her hair.

            "James." Her voice stopped him; his hand fell. She swallowed, closing her eyes. Deciding not to say what she had been going to, she announced instead, "We should probably have a- meeting- sometime soon."

            He nodded, smiling at her slightly. "I know. Lily, I want to-"

"I think I'll go to bed now." She rose, patted him on the head with a small grin on her face and climbed back up the stairs. James watched her disappear, groaning with annoyance.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            "Obviously this is a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix." James' eyes darted uncomfortably towards Kelly Johnstone, who was sitting a few paces away from him, on the side of the room. "And that's Kelly."

            Almost as one, all of the eyes of the Marauders and the girls fastened on Kelly, who shifted in her seat but looked back at them without blinking. Lily shook her head and looked back at James, studying his face as she often found herself doing.

            Arabella Figg sat in the back of the room, surveying them all. She had indeed been acting as 'counselor' at Hogwarts, and had been present at the Order of the Phoenix meetings they had had since she'd arrived. Although Lily still wasn't sure why Dumbledore had insisted she help them out, she had a feeling that Mrs. Figg _was there for a purpose. _

            Lily broke her eyes away from James when he glanced her way. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Dumbledore suggested this meeting, and I think he was quite right. There are- some things that need to be discussed."

            "Like Daniel." Mary mumbled.

Lily and James glanced apologetically at her, as if it was their fault that her boyfriend (although Lily had never gotten out of Mary just how close she had been to Daniel) was just gone.

            "Er- yes. Among other things." James glanced back at Kelly and looked away quickly. "Voldemort knows about- about us."

            Almost everyone sat straighter in their seats. "What do you mean?" demanded Sirius, his eyes flashing.

            Lily answered, "He knows about the Order- and he knows who's in it."   
Peter inspected his nails, Remus' eyes flashed, and Sirius let out a heavy breath. "We don't know how," James began.  
            Kelly interrupted, "Voldemort had…some kind of spy who informed him. I am not aware of his, or her, name."

            Lily muttered under her breath, "The hell you aren't." but Kelly didn't appear to have heard. 

            "Any questions you have, however, I will answer if I can. I fully intend to help you, nothing held back."

            The students stared at her. Although, after a moment of silence, they couldn't hold back their curiosity. It was worth a try to find out what they could from her.

            So began a lengthened question and answer session about Voldemort's plans. The only really important information gained was that he had not been planning to strike the Order in any way, as they seemed a meager threat (Sirius had hissed angrily at that comment). He also had spies in Hogwarts- but they had known as much. The problem was discovering _who_ the spies were. Kelly insisted that the Dark Lord had, well, _means_, she had said, that were going to make him even more powerful. She warned them quite seriously that in the next year or so, he was planning many things that were too horrible to even think of. As the meeting dragged on, more than one person felt queasy, their hearts tightening. How could something like this be stopped? They were only students- but then again, that made them almost more determined to be successful.

            "I think," James said after a long moment of silence at the end of it all, "that it's time we find some others who we can trust to join the Order. We'll need all the help we can get. Now- next week, same time, we'll meet again and talk about how we're going to deflect all of this. Merlin knows that we're not trained aurors or anything of the sort; but just meeting like we have been in the past is doing nothing for anybody."

            The rest of them agreed; nodding heads and frowns acquiesced silently. Mrs. Figg, who had been silent the entire time, said with a small, but joyless, smile that she would see to finding people, but would consult them before asking anyone.

            James nodded at her. "That would help, thank you."

"Well you didn't expect me to just sit here and listen in, did you?"  
            James had a feeling that she was going to be more useful than any of them expected, but he couldn't say how he knew.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            "James, I forgot to mention it. Er- our trunks are in Dumbledore's office. I forgot about them when my mum…upset me." She watched him carefully.

            "Oh- good." He tried to smile at her, but it came out as more of a half-frown. "Let's go now, I need to get out of here."

            She nodded, understanding exactly what he meant. Gryffindor Tower was confining, at times, no matter how comfortable it was in other instances. They disappeared through the portrait hole, not noticing their friends watching them as they left.

            The two of them walked in silence for some time. Then James glanced her way and noted that despite the faint circles under her eyes and the apprehensive way she moved, she was beautiful. He frowned when the thought occurred to him. He didn't understand. She had as good as pushed him away; why could he not move on?

            "Lily, we need to talk."

She stopped abruptly, staring up at him. "What about?"

            Confused, he stopped as well and turned to face her. "I think you know."

"Yes." She sighed. "And I think you know all of the answers that I'm going to give you."

            His eyes narrowed and his frown deepened. "Fine- we won't be together! I get it. But how far does that extend, Lily? Can I not talk to you anymore? I suppose you don't want me to sit next to you in the common room." He scowled.

            "I never said that!"  
"Well then clarify for me- if you think I'm so stupid. Why are you doing this?"

            "I'm not doing anything. I just don't think it's a good idea that we get- involved again. Better for both of us, and everyone else too."

            "That makes no bloody sense." James spat, his dark eyes unnerving her slightly. "I don't know why, but I can't just give you up Lily. It's not that easy for me, although it should be, damn it all to hell, I can't forget everything and just be friends!" And then he was embarrassed; feeling that he had said too much.

            Lily studied him. "James, I-"

In one step, he wrapped an arm around her waist, the other one entangling itself in her long hair as he brought his mouth onto hers. She tried to push him away, but he was stronger than her. She gave in. Letting him press her against the wall (with a muffled complaint from a portrait hanging behind her back), she reached up and placed her arms around his neck, bringing him down farther. She sighed into his mouth. She couldn't help it; it had been too long since she had- Abruptly, she pushed him off, and he broke away, breathing hard. 

            "No," Lily slipped around him, trying to catch her breath. She pressed a hand to her mouth with a strange expression and darkened eyes.

            "Tell me," James croaked, "that you felt nothing. Tell me it meant nothing."

"I can't, James." She mumbled, not daring to look at him. "I won't do this." And then she left him, ambling down the hall towards the stone gargoyle.

            He stared, bewildered and little angry, at her retreating back. He cursed quietly, running a hand through his hair, and chased after her. He would be damned if she was going to end it this way.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

            James was alone in his dorm, and not in the best mood. He glared at his trunk on his bed, as if it were the source of his troubles. Grabbing the handle, he pulled it towards him and clicked it open. Everything was there; he breathed a sigh of relief.

            Suddenly he frowned deeply. Everything was there, and something else. He clutched at a piece of paper lying atop his clothes. It looked menacing, he wasn't sure he wanted to read whatever it was. He was almost positive he had locked his trunk, so how… his eyes widened at the paper.

  
_Delinquent_, (he almost laughed)

_Stay away from Lily. I will warn you now. You will end this stupid game, or whatever it is, or you will face the consequences. Let it be known that I have means of preventing you and my daughter being together which are most unpleasant. She is engaged and will realize, if she has not already, that her fiancé has more to offer her than you ever could._

            It didn't need a signature. James crumpled and dropped it back into his suitcase, as if it were the foulest thing he had ever touched. Mrs. Evans' threats meant nothing to him; but there was something that she had said… Maybe Lily really didn't want to be with him. He couldn't offer her anything, nothing at all. That must be why she was pushing him away; it made sense. She knew how he felt about her, and she hadn't protested much when he kissed her. But something was holding her back, and she had not explained it to him. What was he supposed to think? Yes, she must have decided that he wasn't worth it. James shoved his trunk off his bed and, as he always did when bothered by something, ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: I really, really appreciate all of the reviews; thanks to all of you. I hope you know that it means a lot =) I'm really sorry- but I don't have time to reply to you all right now. I promise, all of you will be acknowledged when I post next chapter! I just need to get to bed now, it's already just about ****midnight****, and I haven't been getting much sleep. Really no wonder I just got over the flu lol. Thanks again! And I apologize if this chapter was a bit boring!**

**            The song at the beginning is by The Calling. They're a really good band, actually. They remind me of Lifehouse. **

**Coming Up: **

**~ Finally some news about Daniel**

**~ New members of the Order**

**~ Mary and Lily aren't always nice to each other**

**Goodnight all! **

**~Emily~**


	24. Contained Provocation

**A/N: For those of you who have come back to read this chapter even though I've taken way too long (again), I've tried to write a summary of the story, because I'm sure most of you have forgotten. The summary is sketchy, but I suppose it will do for now. **

Recap: Lily leaves for her 7th year with the news that she is going to marry Patrick, who is a muggle from another wealthy family. Her mother, who doesn't understand her and takes her socially correct ideas a bit too far, set this up. Lily is not okay with the arranged marriage, as she considers him to be an arrogant bastard (Lol we all know one of those- hypothetically, anyway =).

           Her first day back a certain guy (James) catches her eye, mostly because she knows her mother would hate him. He's the typical wayward Marauder. They get to know each other a bit as Head Boy and Girl, and more quickly than is practical 'fall in love'. 

          Basically throughout the story, it doesn't work out right in most cases and they have an on and off relationship; dealing with issues such as Lily never telling him about her engagement. Mary, her best friend (also disdainful of her own wealth), is always trying to cheer Lily up and such. Daniel is Mary's boyfriend. Mary has never really discussed how close she and Daniel are with Lily.

          Christmas comes; Lily's mother catches the two of them kissing at the train station, and decides to sort of kidnap James, so she can deal with him later. Lily tries to avoid the party going on in her house, since Patrick is attending. She finds James hidden in her house, and they run off. They go back to the train station and meet Kelly Johnstone, who is also a witch. Kelly is a little nicer than is normal, and invites them to stay with her over Christmas. They agree, not knowing that she has ties with Voldemort. After learning this, they escape and end up back at Hogwarts before the holiday is over (and Kelly goes with them, because they don't want to let her go free). Lily's mother finally learns that Lily is back at Hogwarts and safe, and she's pissed. She threatens Lily about the marriage, etc.

          All the while, Kelly is pleading innocence, saying that she was forced into doing things for Voldemort and has no way out. Through this dilemma, Lily decides that a relationship with James is just too complicated, and she doesn't want it anymore, but he disagrees. James realizes that he's changed an awful lot over the year, before Lily he'd never had a relationship like this and concludes that he's becoming a major sap.

          Dumbledore, after hearing their story, decides that Kelly is telling the truth and should help them with the Order of the Phoenix (which he asked James to start earlier in the year and at this point consists of the Marauders, Daniel, Mary, and Lily. There's also Arabella Figg- not a student, but Dumbledore appointed her to help). He also tells them that Daniel is missing, and Lily worries over how Mary will react. 

          The rest of the students return to school, and Lily and James are not dating, although they act like it sometimes. Lily continues to receive threats from her mother. James also receives one- and he wouldn't care, except it says something about Lily realizing that he isn't good enough for her. He immediately assumes that this is the reason she's pushing him away.

ʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎ

**Chapter 24- Contained Provocation**

          Weeks had passed since the holidays, and many of the seventh year Gryffindors had absorbed themselves in the mounds of homework that surrounded them, each person for a different reason.

          Lily and Mary were sitting in the common room next to the fire, each curled up in identical chairs facing one another. The firelight was spreading a soft red light across their faces, and their eyes were trained on the rolls on parchment on their laps.

          "Damn it! I still need two more lines for this Potions essay." Mary grumbled, her blue eyes closing with lethargy. 

          "Yeah, well. I need ten." Lily replied. Her dark auburn hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, wisps of hair falling across her face. 

          "It's your fault for waiting so long to do it. What have you been doing lately, anyways?"

          Lily shrugged, emerald eyes dropping to her lap. "Nothing important."  
          "Just thinking, again?" Mary raised an eyebrow and sighed. "Well I think that you think too much."

          "You probably think right."

"Oh, wonderful. Here comes the brigade."

          Lily's head snapped up at her friend's statement and she found herself staring at James; Sirius, Remus, and Peter too, of course. The four boys were descending the stairs. Sirius and Remus were grinning, Peter looked confused, and James had a grim appearance.

          "We're just saying-" Sirius started, but James shushed his friend when his chocolate eyes met Lily's startlingly green ones. He quickly broke eye contact.

          The exchange was not lost on Mary, however, and she sighed for the second time that night. Remus, Sirius, and Peter sat down on the nearby couch, facing the girls. James seated himself in front of the fire, warming his hands.

          "Fancy seeing you here." Sirius grinned. Mary smiled back weakly. "Ah, potions I see. I made up a load of crap for mine."

          "Appropriate, considering the assignment was about Shite Blossoms and their uses." Remus mumbled.

          Sirius and James chuckled, while Lily rolled her eyes and put her quill down. She rubbed her temples. "I think I'll write the rest in the morning."

          Nobody replied. It seemed they were all a bit tired; studying for NEWTS had caught up with them. Lily had to constantly remind herself that she was only months away from graduation. It was liberating, exciting; at least, until she remembered her ordeal. She tried thinking about it from a rational point of view. There had to be a way to prevent this marriage. It wasn't set in stone, not in her book. Lily just had to come up with the most practical way of canceling it. But between homework and the extra studying, along with avoiding awkward moments with James, and Sirius's pranks, she found herself at a loss for time to think about all of the obstacles waiting for her when school was finished.

          And then there was James himself. Her eyes shifted and she found herself staring at the side of his head. His black hair was even more messy than usual. She knew how soft it was, and found her hand wanting to touch it. _No, you're just bored, you idiot. There will be no touching James Potter. You can't have him, remember? _But that second voice in the back of her head always had something to add; it always told her that perhaps she _could have James, once she figured out how to solve the arranged marriage problem. Well, maybe once, she could have. He seemed to have given up weeks ago. It was very sudden, one morning he had just stopped trying to push her. He ignored her, even. _

          She sighed heavily, and then realized that he was staring right back at her. A slight blush crossing her cheeks and neck, she looked at her feet. Lily could still feel his eyes on her and she shifted uncomfortably.

          Although in the past their friends had always tried to get them back together, they didn't know how to react this time. The mood was a little more subdued, especially around Mary. It had been weeks and Daniel was still missing. Lily wondered why Mary was so calm about it. It didn't seem right, like she was holding it in.

          Lily chanced a glance at James, and found him still staring at her. Self-consciously, wondering what she had on her face, she cleared her throat and rolled her parchment.

          James frowned and looked away, his eyes landing on Sirius, who was standing behind Mary. "Why is everyone so gloomy?" Sirius boomed. "So what if we have school in the morning! I'm here to cheer you up." He plopped himself down on the armrest of Mary's chair, looking at her. "What kind of prank would you like to see? You look like you need a bit of cheer." 

          Mary, meanwhile, was pulling at a strand of her long black hair that Sirius had managed to sit on. "I'm really not in the mood, Sirius," she grumbled, standing up. She gathered her books and slung her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you all later." With a last glance at Lily, she ascended the stairs to the girls' dormitory. 

          Lily felt caught. She didn't want to stay down here alone with the Marauders, especially not James. Making up her mind, she quickly gathered up her own things. But just as she was about to leave, she felt a hand on her arm. Lily spun around to find herself staring into James' bright brown eyes. She held back a sigh and reluctantly fixed him with a pointed stare.

          "Sorry…" he muttered. "Er- I was just- it's been awhile since the last Order of the Phoenix meeting. Arabella Figg told me yesterday that she found a few candidates for the Order like she promised to do." He lowered his voice and scooted closer to her, which was not helping her think at all. "I just thought we should get everyone together to meet these candidates and-"

          "Sure, James. Name a day, a time. After all, this is more your organization than mine," she replied indifferently.

          He looked confused. "What do you mean? It's nobody's organization."

          Lily sighed, losing some of her coolness as she rubbed her right eye. It was so hard to talk to James these days; very awkward. She couldn't figure out how he could act so normal and weird around her at the same time, and in turn she always managed to say things that made no sense. She paused. "What are we going to do about Kelly?"

          "Er, I dunno. I suppose she'll have to come."

Lily shifted her feet, aware of the fact that he was still standing in close proximity. "She just…makes me feel uncomfortable." Lily whispered.

          James met her eyes, his expression solemn. "I know. I can't say I'm jolly and ready to dance around her either."

          Lily gave him a funny look and bit her lip to keep from grinning. "Sometimes I can't decide whether you're extremely weird or just joking."

          There was a pause, in which they stared at one another. Finally, he realized how close he was to her and took a step backwards, after which she let out a relieved breath. "Well," he said slowly, "I can't figure you out either."

          Somewhat confused, Lily smiled weakly at him and muttered a goodnight, before turning on her heel and trying to juggle her books and parchment as she climbed the winding stairs.

          She entered her dormitory and let out a breath of relief. She wasn't sure why James always managed to tangle her up so much, but he never failed to do just that. Dropping all of her things onto her dresser, she fell onto her bed face down. 

          Mary chose that moment to walk out of the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth. "What's up with you?" her voice was muffled and almost unintelligible. 

          Lily, her face buried in her pillow, mumbled something that Mary couldn't hear.

          The black-haired girl sighed, disappeared into the bathroom, and came back out a few seconds later wiping her mouth. "Now, did something happen?"

          Lily, feeling her bed sink as Mary sat at the foot of it, dragged herself into a sitting position, letting her head rest against the bed frame.

          "Not really, just the usual."

"Oh." 

          Lily was silent, looking at her bed sheets. Mary had been so distant lately, and it was unnerving her. They didn't talk like they used to. Lily always felt that whenever she brought something up, Mary would become annoyed and the conversation ended there.

          Lily sighed. "Are you okay, Mary?"

Her friend's head snapped upwards and her blue eyes had a resigned expression in them. "Of course, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

          "I don't know, you seem- I was just…oh bugger it, nevermind."

Mary's eyes left Lily's face and she walked over to her own bed, burying herself under her covers. "Well goodnight then," Lily heard her mutter.

          Lily frowned, and with a flick of her wand, the candles extinguished.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

          The next morning, breakfast was a hectic ordeal for Lily. Mary was sitting across from her, silently chewing on a piece of toast. Lily wasn't eating though; she was frantically trying to finish her Potions essay. 

          Sirius was seated next to her, snickering at something Remus had just said. And James was sitting a few seats down from her, gazing into his pumpkin juice. 

          Lily grumbled a string of unpleasant words, causing Mary to raise an eyebrow at her in question. Lily shrugged her off, annoyed. "Why they decide to double our homework is beyond me." 

          Mary, something she hadn't been doing so much lately, smiled. "The professors love seeing us like this, that's why."

          "That's right!" Sirius joined in cheerily. "I bet they all discuss what assignments they've given out and decide to give a lot of work out at the same time, and that's why we have so much."

          Lily, finally finished with her essay, rolled it up and stuck her quill into her hair to hold it into a bun. "You've hit it right on the head there, Sirius." She rolled her bright green eyes.          

          James looked up at her and blinked. Then, he cleared his throat and moved his glance, gaining everyone's attention. Quietly, he said, "Order meeting tonight, meet at six o'clock." They all nodded.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

          Lily was in a disgruntled mood all day. She was in most of the same classes as James, which only served to annoy her more. She couldn't figure him out, no matter how hard she tried. She wondered why he had suddenly lost all interest in her whatsoever. Could it have been just a fling to him? She had had suspicions of that, once. But as things progressed, she had believed that she meant more to him than that. After all, he was much more mature now than he had been at the beginning of the year. 

          _Stop being selfish,_ she thought, angry with herself, _you should be glad he doesn't seem to care about you anymore. It's better for him, and you know it. _

          But she couldn't help feeling a little rejected. At least he hadn't started dating other people yet, she supposed that was a good sign. _A good sign for what?__ It doesn't matter, remember? You're finished with him, he's finished with you. Simple..._ She became increasingly determined as the day progressed to sort things out with James. 

          The meeting approached quickly, and Lily found herself not wanting to go. Not because she lacked loyalty to the Order, she was just…tired. And James would be there. 

          She and Mary walked into the room together. It was the same as it had been when they first started the Order (it seemed so long ago). Lumpy but comfortable chairs were scattered about. There was one sole desk in the corner, and a fireplace in the back. They took seats near the front of the room, where Sirius and Remus were already seated. 

          Peter and James walked in, Peter glancing out of the corner of his eye at James, and James glancing up at Lily. Their eyes locked in what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Again, James' gaze dropped. 

          Lily had no time to dwell on the matter, for Arabella Figg entered the room at that precise moment. Following her were four students, two girls and two boys. The first girl, standing to the right of Arabella, had a round, solid face. Her hair was dark blonde, and she scanned the room with sparkling sapphire eyes. 

          The second girl, standing behind Arabella with a slight blush enveloping the tips of her ears, had light brown hair which was pulled back into a ponytail. Lily recognized her; she was a sixth year Gryffindor and a prefect. Quiet, if she remembered correctly. _Marlene, was that her name?_

The two boys were physically similar. The first, standing a few yards away from the rest, had a frown on his face. He, like the other boy, had dark brown hair and light brown eyes, although his face was slightly slimmer. The second boy was looking a little smug, his hands stuffed into his pockets while he peered around the room.

          James opened his mouth to greet them when Kelly Johnstone, in a fury of limbs, burst into the room and shut the door behind her. "Er- sorry I'm late," she said, offering a smile to James and Lily. Neither of them smiled back; Lily glanced at the floor and swallowed. 

          "Right." James cleared his throat. "Nice to meet you all. I'm James Potter."

          Arabella Figg smiled at him and ushered the four students into the room. They took seats facing the rest of the group (the Marauders, Lily, Mary, and Ms. Johnstone). 

          James surveyed the four new people carefully. He intended to make no mistakes with this, even if it meant sacrificing amiability. 

          The girl with the round face and blonde hair smiled and said in a clear voice, "I'm Dorcas Meadowes, a seventh year in Hufflepuff. Glad to meet you all, really. Things are getting so terrible, I just…I want to help," she finished, nodding her head slightly.

          Sirius shifted in his seat to lean closer to Remus and whispered, so that nobody else could hear, "Dorcas…" he chuckled to himself. "Poor girl." Mary, however, heard Sirius since she was seated right behind him. She smacked him in the head, and that effectively shut him up.

          The second girl, looking like she thought this was her cue, spoke up quietly, "I'm Marlene McKinnon. I recognize, at least, most of you. I'm a Gryffindor, sixth year. My parents have already been taken from me by Voldemort, and I intend to fight against it happening to anyone else."

          Lily blinked when she heard Marlene use Voldemort's real name, but she tried to smile reassuringly at the girl.

          Edgar Bones was next, the skinny boy. He ended up being a seventh year Ravenclaw, and acted quite disgruntled with everything, though he assured them that Voldemort had already taken much from him and he was determined to 'give that ruddy bastard what he deserved'. And Gideon Prewett, the similar looking boy, was also a Gryffindor. He seemed intelligent, and very self-assured. Lily supposed the reason he wanted to join the Order was to prove himself to everyone.

          "Very well." Lily said when the introductions were finished. She leaned closer to the present members of the Order, pulling James, who had been standing behind her, closer. "What do you think?"

          "Well," Sirius interjected, "they already know about the Order. So what good would it be to send them on their ways?"

          "I agree with Padfoot." Remus told them.

Lily frowned. "I don't know if we can trust them yet…"

          "If we can trust Johnstone," Mary mumbled, "we can give them a try."

          James was just about to say that he _didn't trust Kelly when Lily straightened and turned to the four students, and Arabella, who was smiling serenely._

          "We've all agreed that you're welcome in the Order." Lily smiled in a way that she hoped was encouraging. "Of course, you will need to sign this statement here, assuring us of your loyalty. There are no exceptions. You will fight against Voldemort and anyone associated with him, no questions."

          James whispered into her ear, making her shiver, "But if they need to sign that, shouldn't we have the rest of us do it too?"

          "No," Lily replied as she regained her senses, "I think we can trust the rest of us. Unless you insist?"

          James frowned and shook his head. "Well, maybe Kelly."

"Good idea." Lily silently handed an extra slip of the agreement to Kelly, who frowned but produced a quill from the front of her robes and carefully pressed it to the parchment.

          James observed Kelly, and then turned back to the others. "This meeting was not just for inducting new members. We also have a few things to discuss."

          Edgar Bones shifted in his seat. "Yes. Like how almost every other day Voldemort is appearing in the papers now. Families are being slaughtered by his Death Eaters. And it's not only magical; some of these murders are bloody…"

          Dorcas Meadowes glanced sideways at him. "You sound like an optimistic person, all right." She rolled her eyes and then frowned. "But you're right. It's getting horrible."

          "Voldemort is recruiting new Death Eaters among Hogwarts students." Gideon Prewett said in his deep, carrying voice. "Shouldn't we be trying to prevent this? Or, at least, learning the names of these people?"

          "That's what we've been trying to do." Sirius explained flatly.

Marlene chose that moment to speak up. "Um…I may be able to help there. See, my er- well, my brother is a seventh year. He's…in Slytherin. He uh, he's in association with Voldemort."

          "He's a Death Eater?" Remus inquired quietly.  
Marlene winced slightly, but nodded. "That's how my parents, well…you know." She sighed heavily, but continued. "If I maybe convinced him that I could be interested in joining him, I could figure out a few things…"

          "Marlene," Lily started, her voice a little unsteady, "we would never ask you to do something like that. It's too dangerous."

          Marlene smiled at her with sad, light green eyes. "But I would do it. I need to do something."

          Sirius nodded, as if he understood perfectly. 

James watched her carefully. "You would have to be very cautious," he told her, "If you went too far, you might be pushed into doing things you would never even consider doing otherwise."

          Lily gave James a hard look. "I really don't think she's going to turn on us, James, stop acting like a prat."

          "I was just-"

"-acting like a prat." Lily finished for him, looking away pointedly. "I'm sorry Marlene. I believe we can trust you with this, if it is indeed something you want to try."

          Marlene gave her another small smile and nodded, although her face was a little flushed at the disagreement she had started between the Head Boy and Girl.

          "It's late." Mary said loudly, glancing at her watch. "We should probably meet another time."

          "You're right." James climbed out of his seat and turned to the four new members of the Order. "We'll contact you about the next meeting, somehow. But don't forget, this is not something you are allowed to tell any other soul about. It was on that parchment you signed, and I doubt you want to know the consequences of breaking that agreement."

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

          A few more days passed by, quickly as usual. If possible, the seventh years' homework load became even heavier. So Lily and Mary found themselves doing the Transfiguration assignment in the Great Hall during dinner one evening, even as the Marauders, just a few seats down from them, played with their food.

          "Look, I made a mashed potato castle!" Sirius announced, pleased with himself.

          "I made one of those last year." James dismissed, concentrating on his green bean stack.

          Lily rolled her emerald eyes at them and turned back to her parchment. She bit her lip and nibbled on the end of her quill. _This is so frustrating, I don't even know what I'm trying to say! _Just as she was about to insist that the Marauders be quieter, Dumbledore rose from his seat and silence fell upon the Hall. His very grim and tired expression promised no good news. 

          "I am sure that most of you are aware," he started, his light blue eyes flashing across the room, "of the disappearance of Daniel Hopkins." He took a breath, his face sad. "We have had no news of him for nearly a month now, and it's beginning to look hopeless."

          Lily gripped Mary's hand tightly; her friend had gone awfully white and her blue eyes were threatening to spill with tears. 

          "His parents, using good judgment, have decided to hold a memorial service. While no body has been discovered, they feel that a service at Hogwarts will be appropriate. It will commence two weeks from today, on February 17th." He paused, his eyes watching the Gryffindor table in specific now. "Thank you and I hope all of you have a good evening." Dumbledore sat back down, looking as solemn as ever.

          Lily glanced over at Mary, squeezing her hand tighter. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

          After a moment, Mary closed her eyes and tried to nod, but a tear escaped her eye first. Lily frowned, gathered up both hers and Mary's things, and grabbed Mary's arm to pull her out of the Great Hall.

@~~~~~~~~~~~~@

          Days later, Lily found herself alone in the common room, staring into the fire. She should be doing her Charms homework, she knew that. But her brain felt as if it had been fried. _It bloody well should be, by now. Sighing, she thought about returning to her dorm and getting to bed, since it was late, but then she felt a body drop into the space beside her on the couch. She looked up._

          "James-"

"Yes, Lily?" He looked down at her questioningly, as if she had given him something to question.

          "Nothing. Just wondering what brings you down here."

"Sirius was being stupid again and I was just getting away."

          Lily snorted. "Just Sirius being stupid? Not you too?"

His eyebrows drew together, and not knowing just how to answer, shrugged.

          Silence enveloped them until Lily blurted out something that had been bothering her lately, against her will. "Why have you been ignoring me?" She turned towards him, her jade eyes searching.

          James looked startled. He ran a hand through his black hair, making it stand up even more. "I- I haven't been-"

          "Yes, you have."

Frustrated, he gave her a hard look. "Isn't that what you wanted, anyway?"

          She shook her head, looking away from him. "I don't understand how you came to that conclusion." His dark eyes seemed to glow, but maybe it was the fire. She was becoming uncomfortable, with him staring at her like that. "Stop it," she whispered.

          "Stop what?"  
Lily closed her eyes and sighed. "I know I said it was better that we-"

          "What do we have here?" Sirius said in his booming voice, practically skipping across the room. Lily and James jumped away from each other, startled. They had moved quite close together while they were talking. Lily seemed to shake herself, and then she stood up.

          "Nothing, Sirius. Just talking. I think I'll go to bed, actually," she looked carefully at James as she whispered, "Goodnight."

          She hurried up the stairs, not looking back. What had she been thinking? The point had not been to ask James _why he was distancing himself; it was to _let_ him do it. _

          Thoroughly irritated, and mostly with herself, she threw open the door to her dormitory. Mary, who had been standing by her bed, looked startled. "Oh," she said quickly, "it's just you." 

          Lily was in such a hurry that she didn't notice the shiny look in Mary's blue eyes. "Yeah. And guess who I just finished talking with?" Mary opened her mouth to reply, but Lily gave her no chance. "James. I don't know what's wrong with me, Mary. Or with him. It's like he doesn't like me anymore. Not even as a friend…I don't know anymore." Mary opened her mouth again, but was cut off. "I just- I wish it will all end. Everything. All of my problems solved, just like that."

          Mary's eyes flashed. "Wouldn't that be convenient," she snapped. "It seems everything else is, for you."

          Lily was bewildered, her mouth dropped open and she stared at her black-haired friend.           

          "What? You don't have anything else to say about James? I'm surprised; usually you can't shut up about him. It's just so horrible, isn't it? Having someone to love?"

          Lily's temper was beginning to flare. All of this was not her fault, certainly not. "James and I-"

          "Are not together," Mary finished mockingly. "Yes, I know."

"What's your problem?" Lily demanded.

          "Who said_ I had a problem? Whoever said that I might indeed have issues of my own to worry about?"_

          "What are you-"

"Oh Lily, don't worry about it. You have way too much to deal with yourself, what with your could be boyfriend who is just waiting for you to come to him." Mary's mouth twisted with annoyance.

          "This is about Daniel, isn't it?" Lily snapped. "Well you don't have to take it out on me, you know! I had nothing to do with his death!"

          Mary inhaled sharply. It was the first time anyone had dared to say it so bluntly. "I am _not going to sit here and discuss this with you!" She turned away from Lily, struggling to shut the curtains of her bed. "You're obviously too selfish to understand anything!" _

          Lily's forehead drew together as Mary disappeared behind her curtains. She suddenly felt awful. "Mary, I'm- I'm sorry." She tried. There was no response, even when she tried again. Feeling slightly annoyed at being ignored, she climbed into her own bed. "Fine," she mumbled, "if that's the way she wants it, let her have it. I'm not about to go crawling after her." She drew her own curtains and fell back against her pillow, long auburn hair scattering everywhere. She pushed all guilty thoughts away and muttered angrily to herself for a few moments before drifting off to sleep.

ʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎʎ

**A/N: Finally, I had a lot of writer's block with this chapter.  I actually finished writing this chapter last night, but it was already ****3 AM**** and even I don't like to stay up much later than that. So here I am, back to write the review replies =)**

**For chapters 22 and 23 (since I didn't reply last chapter):**

**MonkinO****- Yes, I am really sorry about the slow updates (okay, so maybe they're slower than slow). I have trouble finding the time, and then when I get the time, I have trouble finding the motivation. I do hope that you haven't given up on me entirely though! And I hope that summary at the beginning helped at least a little.**

**RES Cheerleader- **Lol, yep, you guessed right (Their friends did walk in on them sleeping in the same bed). Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate it =)

**Killer Angel- **Well I wonder if you imagined those reactions right, and thanks for another review!

**Clearbrook****- And as always, thank you. You are one of the few people who have not given up on me since I've been updating so infrequently, at least not yet you haven't ;)**

**Rockergirl****- Glad that it's long? Well thank you, I like the long stories best too!**

**Calicat****- You're absolutely right, I suppose I didn't lie about that. I should just say coming up every time, in that case. Of course, if you're reading this, I'm sure you have absolutely no idea what the hell I'm talking about lol.**

**Lamina Court- **As always, thanks for your review. And I never mind when you go completely off-topic, it's rather entertaining, actually. I agree with you on OotP. I liked it, but I'm just not sure about it at the same time. I don't know whether it was the gap in time between the books, or that it really was that different from the others. Ah, well. And Sirius's death was…terrible. At least nobody walked into my room while I was crying, then I would have to explain the whole thing, and that never seems to go over well. 

**Oasis Dreamer- **Lol, I guess James does have a bag of tricks of some sort. But he can only use it when he's not confused, and that's so seldom anyway…=) thanks!

**Boltinpadfoot****- I'm glad you want to keep reading. And I'll have to read your story sometime. I'll warn you though- I'm horrible at remembering these things so I hope you're patient lol.**

**Black-cat-on-the-wall- **Lol, thanks. It was so long ago that I wrote chapter 22, that it's really weird reading these comments about it.

**Vamperfly****- Thanks! Mary and Sirius? I dunno about that one lol, but it would seem that way, wouldn't it? I considered it actually, but well, you'll just have to see. ;)**

**KrystinePotterLover****- You're right, her mum is a bitch. It's sort of fun writing about her, even if she is psychotic. And I know you're getting impatient with Lily and James, I promise, something is coming up soon ;)**

**Loraliant**** Angelisa Snape- Hehe, thanks once again. I'll try for the next update to be within a month for once, it's been awhile since I've managed that. I hope to talk to you soon!**

**Piggylette****- Thanks so much! And you hit it right on the nail there, at least in the first part. The second hasn't happened yet, so I'm not about to say anything =)**

**Candyliquor****- I'm glad you like it so far! Hope you keep reading.**

**Oneiros**** Lykos- Finally is a good way to describe my updates, I agree. Lol, and yes it's a good thing that James didn't take advantage of Lily, because we all know how mad she would be _then_. Thanks for reviewing chapter 23 too! I love Lifehouse and the Calling. You're right, their voices are different, very distinct. There's just something I find similar between them, but maybe it's just that I like them both lol.**

**I o u a name- **Aw, thanks. I appreciate it.

**Jessica Halliwell Potter- **Nope, I have no intentions of giving up this story, although I have been having trouble with the updates (obviously). As for Lily finding her own way in the wizarding world, we shall see.

**Destiny's ****Phoenix-**** I always enjoy reading your comments. It's not that I dislike just getting a good job or something like that, but it's refreshing to read a little more than that, so thanks for that=)**

**Lexie13- **Aw, thanks for keeping up with my stories even though I'm a horrible updater!

**Bajan**** Girl- I'm with you, I only review fanfics I really like. I am honored that you reviewed mine ;) Lol, no, I wanted to make it obvious who had ratted the Order out. Besides, we all knew he was a rat anyway!**

**LJstagflower4e/JCtigerwolf4e- **Thanks for reviewing both chapters! And I'll try to put out a quicker update this time.

**KoolKitty****/Aria- Of course I remember you, I would never forget! I wish we could talk more often J Thanks for leaving me a note, I appreciate it. And as for keeping up my stories, well, I hardly do. It takes me so long to update, and to think the first story I was writing I used to update just about everyday. Oh well. Hope I get to talk to you soon!**

**FunkyWitchOnFire****- Lol, nice penname. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Anonymous-** thank you, I'll try.

**Livewithit****- I agree that Lily and James are infuriating, but I suppose that's partly my fault (or entirely my fault) You read all 22 chapters at once? Thanks for taking the time to do that!**

**Lor48- **Thank you J

**Y. Kuang- **I thank you for another review. I have to agree with what you said about the fanfiction world, in specific this website. I've started going elsewhere to read, because it just takes forever to find a really good fic anymore. I have to go through pages now just to find one good story. And you're right; a lot of the authors I really respect have stopped updating much if at all. (Btw, I'm glad you've finally updated Predictability =) I suppose I can understand why, I did the same thing after reading OotP. It was like…I suddenly lost my motivation. I couldn't tell you why, but I just didn't feel like continuing. I've been having a lot of trouble finding the time and motivation at the same time to write. I just hope all of these authors haven't completely given up on fanfiction and plan on coming back to the site, before what you said actually comes true lol. Oh- what did I think about OotP? Well, to be truthful I had a lot of mixed feelings with it. It had been so long since the other books and I was so excited about it- but at the same time, it disappointed me. Maybe I expected too much, I'm not sure. I read it through so fast, and I still haven't found time to read it again. So I guess I can't really judge it before I read through again, slowly. There were parts of it I really enjoyed though; I didn't think the entire book wasn't good. JKR did an excellent job getting us to hate Umbridge, that's for sure. Harry just pissed me off, though. I was angry at him almost all the time. I loved the twins of course, and Ginny's character; I always hoped for more of her in the books. Anyway, I could go on forever about this if you let me lol. So thanks again, you know that I appreciate it and are probably sick of me saying it.

**Elvencherry07- **Thank _you for reviewing! _

**Midnightcrookshanks****- Wow, I'm honored. I hope you thought this chapter was satisfactory as well.**

**KristiexxNguyen****- Thanks, as usual ;)**

**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus-** Sirius is a hard one to compete with, that's for sure. Thanks for reviewing!

**A.M.bookworm247- **Yes, I have read stories that are so boring I don't know what to do, and I'm honored that you would consider my story better than that =) Nah, you don't sound like a teacher. Your review made me smile (I probably looked like an ass lol), and I thank you for that.

**Jessie xxx- **Yes, I know that most of you are getting impatient for me to put Lily and James back together, so I'll try to do something about that soon ;) Thanks for your review!

**Jessisayzz****- Yay, I'm glad to hear it.**

**Cries of a fallen angel- **Lol, well _that's what I mean by Mary and Lily not always being nice to each other, and thanks for reading!_

**Patricia123- **Thanks so much! I will try to write more asap! (I never did like that abbreviation hehe)

**PeRkieGuRL****- Aw, thanks ;) Yeah, the Calling is awesome. You know they're planning a new cd? I hope it comes out soon!**

**James' Girl Lily- **Thanks, and I'll try!

**SCUBAchk****- Thanks for continuing to read! I'm glad you like it.**

**Carolinus**** Took- Hehe, I'm beginning to like seeing your usual review! Thanks, as usual.**

**Szelij****- Yes, I agree that I've stretched it too far, you're right. I'm trying to fix that and I appreciate your comments.**

**Delinquent Fish- **Lol, I like your penname. Thanks, I'll try not to take too long updating next time!

**Callista**** MacLeod- Aw, thanks for reviewing. I think I was in a bad mood when I found your review, it cheered me up a bit =) Lol, you're absolutely right, now if only Lily saw it as being that easy. But then, I suppose I'd have no story…**

**Dangerously In Love- **Actually, I suppose I have updated soon in your case ;) And the Calling has a new cd coming out in 2004, I think. Thanks for your reviews on this and some of my other stories, I'm always surprised to find new reviews so long after I've updated! 

**A/N: Well, I'm incredibly relieved to have finally finished this. Oh, and I know many of you are getting impatient with Lily and James and just want them to get back together. Well, I won't drag it on too much longer, don't worry. I wanted to thank you all one final time and now I have to get going! Happy New Year!**

**~Emily~ ******


	25. Elusive Solutions

**Chapter 25-  Elusive Solutions**

            Soft moonlight illuminated Hogwarts castle, casting shadows over the grounds. Everything was eerily still, as it had been for the past several weeks. The edge of the Forbidden Forest looked like an impassible boundary, more so than it usually did; it was not inviting in the least. There was something strange shifting in the air around the forest. The grounds themselves looked empty, though the few trees jutting up towards the night sky had started growing leaves with the arrival of spring, giving them a softer appearance.

             A lone figure slipped out of the castle, paused supposedly to glance around, and advanced in the direction of the quidditch field. James Potter did not seem to notice the unusual feel of everything. He was perfectly content to ignore everything around him and concentrate on what was running through his mind at the moment; the turmoil of thoughts was enough to deal with.

            He retrieved his broom from the shed and shot into the sky above the quidditch field, the night air shifting through his messy hair, scattering it into his dark eyes. He couldn't remember a time when he had been this confused. In fact, he had_ never_ thought so much before this year. He would like to believe that none of it had to do with his relationship with Lily; what had happened to the both of them over the year. Perhaps she wasn't the cause, but then the only other option didn't seem all too appealing to him.

            James couldn't fathom the idea of maturing. Well, okay, he knew what it meant to _be_ mature, on a basic level. But surely_ he_ couldn't have matured. Surely there was another reason for this new way that he was thinking about things. He thought back to the end of sixth year, when his attitude had been so carefree, wayward and oblivious. He smirked, remembering the pranks he and Sirius had planned and carried out, spending late nights sneaking around the castle and running from Filch. At that point in time, he had cared about nothing more than the fact that he was an infamous Marauder. The girls loved him, and hell, he loved himself. 

            And then, the summer before his final year at Hogwarts, he had received an unexpected letter. The first thing on everyone's mind was _why - _why would Dumbledore pick someone like James Potter as Head Boy? James' first reaction was to laugh, and turn to Sirius to ask where his real letter was. But it hadn't been a prank, and James was left to wonder how he was going to manage the responsibility. 

            His wayward attitude didn't disappear right away. He came back to school with the same smug idea in his head that he was James Potter and could do anything - and then he had gotten to know Lily Evans, the Head Girl. Though she may not have known it, he had always admired her from afar. She was nothing like him, besides the fact that they both received good marks. Once he got to know her, though, he realized that they weren't completely different after all. His self-assured attitude, disrespectfulness, and general misbehavior began to evaporate as the year progressed.

            And now, looking back, he felt that he understood what it meant to be "whipped". He had a pretty good idea that something similar had happened to himself during the past year. Still, he wasn't entirely different. Parts of the old James were still with him; he would never lose his tendency to be, well, a Marauder. The difference was that he now acted more mature with his decisions and actions. 

            Suddenly, James blinked, his broom now hovering only slightly above the ground. So that _was_ it! He was more _mature_!

            "Oh, bloody hell," James groaned to himself, shaking his head. He lifted the handle of his broom and shot upwards, now speeding from one end of the field to the other. 

            On second thought, maybe being mature wasn't a bad thing. It might take away some of his fun, but it could also help him…maybe that was what Lily wanted. Surely, if he was more mature, he could give her what she wanted. If it really was money she was looking for, he could find a way to make it. His right hand slipped inside the pocket of his robes, brushing over the crumpled piece of paper residing there. He took it out and smoothed it over, slowing the speed of his flying as he reread the note for a fourth time.

            It was the note Lily's mother had left in his trunk, the one that he had at first discarded and tried to forget. It said exactly what one might expect (that James was a delinquent and he needed to stop this "game" with Lily or there would be consequences), except for one thing. Her mother had said that Lily would realize if she hadn't already, that Patrick had what she needed. After all, he was rich, and if there was such a thing in his case, well-groomed. 

            Was that really what Lily wanted? James didn't have any of those things. Maybe the way she had been pushing him away over Christmas had been her way of telling him that he wasn't good enough. That was his reasoning for how he was now acting towards her. He had been trying to ignore her lately, even to the point of being slightly unfriendly. He didn't want to continue trying to push her back into a relationship; James really didn't want to be that pitiful guy who had to beg. Lily had probably just become sick of him; perhaps she had realized that James wasn't what she wanted, even if she was still opposed to marrying Patrick. 

            James was now frowning as he glanced up at the stars. The half moon was much further into the sky than it had been when he started flying; he had the suspicion that he should be heading back to the school. As he descended, he noticed a figure standing next to the broom shed, gazing up at him. 

            James dismissed his initial alarm when he realized that it was just one of his friends. He landed in front of Remus Lupin. "Hi Moony, what brings you out here?"            

            "I was having trouble sleeping, and I saw you flying from the window. Thought I'd come outside. What about you?"

            "I dunno, just…bored I guess."

Remus surveyed James with his light eyes. He had heightened perception of everything because he was a werewolf, and he sensed a change in James. Remus was by nature an introspective person, but he had always been slightly embarrassed by the fact. He never wanted to bring up anything very insightful with his friends; he was afraid they might laugh at him. But he noticed that James had a different look in his eyes than previous years. Something had changed him and hopefully for the better.

            "James, are you – okay?" Remus asked suddenly, realizing that James was now staring at the ground.

            The messy-haired Marauder shook himself. "Of course I am, why?" But then he looked up at his friend and saw that he was completely serious. James sighed. "No, I'm really not okay. I don't know what's wrong with me, Moony."

            Remus nodded, as if he had already known that. "Come on, we haven't talked much this year. If you want, I'll listen."

            "Thanks," James mumbled after a moment, surprised that this wasn't awkward at all. He had always known that Remus would help when he had a problem, but previously he had been hesitant to discuss any kind of emotions with anyone. He sat down on the grass and motioned for Remus to do the same. After they had both been sitting a moment, James spoke. "It's just…everything. I don't even feel like I know myself anymore. There's the Order – and everything involved with this war, it's all getting worse. I have to figure out what I'm going to do when we graduate. And then…there's Lily."

            Remus smiled softly. "And that's what you're really worried about."

James' eyes focused on Remus and he frowned. "Maybe. I – miss her, I guess. Only, I don't think she cares about me at all."

            Remus suddenly looked surprised. "You really think she doesn't care? Why?"  
  


James silently reached for the note and placed it in Remus' hand. Remus took it with a questioning look and began to read. He might not have known everything that was going on between James and Lily, but he knew basically what was happening, and Lily had told him at some point about her mother. But once he had finished perusing the letter, he glanced up at James, whose face held an almost moping expression, and laughed. 

            James frowned. Maybe it had been a mistake to discuss this with Remus. He shifted slightly, Remus noticed and stopped laughing. "I'm sorry Prongs, it's just – you know that Lily's mum is seriously out of her mind, right?"  
            

Surprised by the question, James replied, "Well, yeah. I mean, I've met the woman. She practically kidnapped me, of course she's a little – detached."

            "Then why do you believe what she says?"

James frowned. "It's just that Lily's been trying to push me away and I thought that could be the reason."

            Remus shook his head. "I really don't think Lily was pushing you away because she thought you weren't good enough."

            "But then why won't she let us be together?"  
  


The werewolf silently considered this; this was something he hadn't worked out yet. After a moment, he replied softly, "It could have something to do with her arranged marriage."

            "But I thought she didn't want to marry the guy!" James burst out, disgruntled.

Remus held up a hand. "You didn't let me finish – I was going to say that she might want to work out how she was going to destroy that engagement before she considers starting up your relationship again. After all, you've been together and broken up several times, maybe it's just too much for her right now."

            James face smoothed over thoughtfully. _Maybe Moony is right_, he thought, _maybe Lily really does care for me, even if only a little bit_. He suddenly smiled, causing Remus to smile back. "Thanks Moony."

            Remus smiled. "Sure, anytime." He paused. "Was there anything else?"

"No…not really. At least, I think it's time we head back to the castle and go to bed, we have classes in the morning."

            Remus glanced upwards, purposefully trying to ignore the moon, and nodded; the stars had moved considerably. The two boys got up, brushing dirt off their robes, and stumbled back towards the castle.

            After a moment, Remus asked, "So what do you think of the new members of the Order?" James frowned; that was another thing to think about. Dorcas Meadowes, Marlene McKinnon, Edgar Bones, and Gideon Prewett all seemed respectable enough, but could they really be trusted?

~*~*~*~*~

            Lily was certainly not in a good mood when she woke up. It took her a moment, in her disorientation, to remember what had happened the night before. But once she glanced over at Mary's empty bed, she realized that they had had a fight. Groaning, she buried her face in her pillow, tangled auburn hair splayed across her shoulders. She shouldn't have said any of that to Mary, she realized that now. But at the same time she didn't feel ready to apologize, because she didn't think that any of it was really her fault. It wasn't like she had been the first person to lash out.

            In her seven years of knowing Mary, they had only fought a couple of times and never over anything very substantial. This was a little different, and Lily felt the weight of it as soon as she lifted herself out of bed. She and Mary had always been inseparable, and unless one of them was going to back down and apologize (it would have to be Mary, because Lily sure as hell wasn't about to), Lily was going to have a very lonely day of classes.

            She dressed with lethargy, not entirely sure why she was getting up at all. But with NEWTS testing coming up, she didn't have much of a choice. She haphazardly splashed cold water on her face and left her dorm, almost forgetting to grab her bag and books on the way.

            When she entered the Great Hall, she found that Mary and the Marauders were already there. Sirius was as usual chatting away without reserve; grinning at Mary and trying to make her laugh, but her despondent expression remained. She saw Lily out of the corner of her eye and purposefully ignored the redhead. Lily frowned and took the open seat next to James. He looked over at her in slight surprise, but after a moment's hesitation, smiled broadly at her.

            Lily's eyebrows drew together in confusion; was he not ignoring her anymore? All of this was so confusing, but she smiled back at him nevertheless. He looked considering as he gazed at her, as if he were trying to interpret something. Her face blushed slightly under his close attention and she turned to the plate in front of her, unsure of how to act. 

            Truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to lean over and hug him – or snog him senseless. But no, it would just complicate things further; she had a whole mess to sort out before she could think closely about what she _wanted_. James realized that she was uncomfortable and abruptly turned back to his own food, noticed that he had eaten it all, and passed Lily the orange juice instead.

            "Thank you," she said quietly, as their eyes met again. 

Her distraction from sense did not last long, however, as she heard Mary's voice a few seats down.

            "Sirius," Mary was saying, "will you tell Lily that I want the quill that she borrowed from me yesterday back?"  
            

Sirius, looking slightly confused, turned to Lily and said, "You heard her."

Lily's face took on an obstinate expression as she replied, "Heard what?"

            "Er – Mary needs her quill back."

Lily sweetly replied, "Oh, of course." She retrieved the quill from her bag and handed it to Sirius, who blinked at her and handed it to Mary.

            Mary took the quill without so much as a word, ignoring Sirius's bemused expression. Lily turned back to her food, which was largely untouched.

            James said quietly, "What's going on between the two of you?" His breath grazed Lily's ear, causing her to shiver slightly. 

            "Nothing. She's just being an idiot."

"Um – did you have a fight or something?"

            "Yes, a bit of a falling out. It's really not important." 

James looked unconvinced, but dropped the subject, happy as he was with this level of compliancy with Lily.

            As the day progressed, conditions didn't improve between Lily and Mary. Mary had seated herself with Sirius in each and every one of their classes, purposefully ignoring the fact that Lily existed. Lily, still steaming slightly inside, took a seat either alone, or next to James.

            Surprisingly, James didn't seem to mind at all. There was something strange going on, it was like he kept changing his mind. Lily noticed that he was acting much warmer towards her than he had been in the past few weeks, and she was grateful for it, even if she didn't really want to admit it. She thought it was sweet of him, considering that she had been somewhat cold towards him lately. In fact, Mary's words were affecting her more than she would let on. But she still sustained that she and James weren't working out. They had had too many break-ups in too short a time; it just didn't seem worth it, even if she did want to kiss him.

            Would James really take her back, though? Mary had said that he was just waiting until Lily came back to him, but was that really true? Lily didn't think so. It just wouldn't be that easy, in her opinion, because she felt that she had right pissed him off. Only…now he wasn't acting like he was angry anymore. Lily shook her head, not wanting to dwell on the subject.

            She knew that before she thought about James, she should figure out what she was going to do about Patrick and her mother. There were a few options, but none of them looked very bright to her. The problem was, even if she ran off on her own, her parents or Patrick were likely to come across her unless she hid from them every moment of her life. That, and there was the fact that she had always lived a pampered life, though she liked to think that she was independent. Maybe she could be, but she realized that she would probably miss a lot of the luxury having so much wealth provided for her. If only she could convince her mother that this marriage was ridiculous, the problem would be basically solved. Fat chance…but _maybe_, maybe she could talk to Patrick. She hadn't perceived him as very understanding, but there was a chance that he didn't really want this marriage either. A small chance, but there was hope…

            Lily nodded to herself. And then she realized that she had been sitting in the library, staring at Madame Pince's desk for the past twenty minutes, at least. And the librarian was looking at her strangely. 

            Turning slightly red, she glanced down at her open Charms textbook. The words glared back at her, creating an instant headache. "Oh, bugger it," she mumbled while slamming the book shut. She set it aside and leaned back in her chair, stretching her cramped arms behind her.

            At that moment, Marlene McKinnon headed towards her, her light green eyes watching Lily gently. She stood in front of the table and said quietly, "I hope I'm not bothering you, but I was wondering if we could talk."

            Lily nodded, gesturing to the chair in front of her. "Of course, sit down." Marlene had made a good impression on Lily when they had first met; she had a certain predilection for the girl.

            Marlene dropped her books on the table next to Lily's and did as Lily instructed. Then, wringing her hands, she said so quietly that Lily had to lean forward to hear her, "I did it."

            "What?" Lily asked, bewildered. And then she remembered Marlene's offer when they had all met at the Order meeting. The girl had said that her brother was a Slytherin Death Eater, and that she would try to learn things from him. Lily's expression turned grim. 

            "I…got him to think that I was interested. He was a little surprised at first, because a few months ago I was yelling at him over our parents' death, but…he seemed to think that I was completely serious."

            "Are you sure you want to do this?" Lily asked again, as she had at the meeting. "I really don't want to put you into that kind of position, it's dangerous."  
            

Marlene tilted her head slightly sideways, pushing brown hair back behind her ears. "Yes," she whispered, "after all, he killed our parents. I want to bring down all of the Death Eaters and their cause."

            Lily nodded, pulling back a little. "I understand…but what do you intend to learn from him?"

            "Well, you said we wanted to know who the Death Eaters in this school are, who any leaks might be. I thought I may be able to find that out just by talking to my brother." Marlene finished uncertainly, as the Head Girl was watching her carefully.

            "I'm just worried – they might try to give you the mark, Marlene. I'm not sure what we would do in that case."

            The sixth year Gryffindor shrugged uncomfortably. "I guess I'll figure it out when the time comes. I don't have anything to go home for anyway."

            Lily sadly watched as Marlene glanced around her suspiciously to make sure nobody was listening, and then said, "Well, I just wanted to let you know. Please tell me when the next Order meeting will be, and I'll keep working on my brother."

            Lily squeezed Marlene's hand briefly as she stood. "Thanks for everything, and if you need help with anything at all, please just ask me."

            Marlene nodded with a small, sad smile, and disappeared the way she had come. Lily instantly felt guilty about all she had been worrying about lately; it seemed so insignificant in the scheme of things. 

~*~*~*~*~

            The days rolled past and Lily was beginning to count the weeks until NEWTS testing. She remembered how arduous the end of fifth year had been with all of the OWLS, and that only served to stress her out more. 

            Presently, she was sitting in the middle of the common room, books surrounding her and the Marauders seated off to the side. Lily lifted her quill off the parchment in front of her and glanced up just as Mary passed her chair.

            It was the day of Daniel's funeral, and Lily still had not reconciled her friendship with Mary. It wasn't that she was still angry, exactly, Lily was just stubborn, and Mary was no better; neither of them said more than what was necessary to the other. Lily had noticed that Mary was very subdued, very unlike her usual optimistic, bright personality. Her eyes had been bloodshot and watery more often than not in the past week. It was obvious that she still hadn't accepted Daniel's disappearance. 

            Lily felt partly responsible for this, and had been debating recently whether she had acted in the wrong as far as their argument was concerned. She knew that Mary needed comforting right now, and she couldn't imagine what it was like for Mary to go through this. Lily tried to place herself in the same position, to sympathize. 

            But this only brought her back to James, which was something (or someone) she didn't feel like thinking about right then. That was something she had yet to solve, along with Patrick, who she had meant to contact in the past few days but hadn't gotten around to it. Reluctantly, she admitted that she was running out of time to straighten everything out.

            The air surrounding the group of seventh years was heavy. Even Sirius, who had been attempting to cheer everyone up lately, was sitting quietly and staring into space. Mary was the only one of them with a connection to Daniel, a reason to be so miserable. The rest of them were subdued simply because this was a student – someone their age – and his life had ended so suddenly. No body had been found or anything, he had just disappeared. With the rising of Voldemort and a new murder everyday, the reality of the situation was beginning to sink in. 

            Sirius saw Mary and stood up to lay an arm over her shoulders. Lily frowned; she should be the person to do that. She should have been around to comfort her friend. She watched as Sirius mumbled something to the raven-haired girl, who smiled weakly at him, none of the forced humor reaching her eyes.  

            Lily sighed; she would have to apologize. She could never part with Mary on bad terms after graduation, and Mary was in need of her most now. But she didn't wish to do it in front of everyone, so she kept silent.

~

            Later that day, Lily made her way onto the Hogwarts grounds, where a crowd was already gathering. Her black robes billowed behind her as the wind threatened to blow her over. She squinted, spotting Mary near the front, speaking with two adults Lily had never seen before. Under the tree next to the lake was a gathering of flowers and in the middle, a picture of Daniel on his broom, throwing a quaffle around.

            Lily spotted James and his friends and decided to join them. She stopped next to James, who looked down at her. She had never seen so many solemn people at once. Even the Marauders were frowning and staring at the ground. 

            "Hello James," Lily whispered, shivering slightly because of the wind.

James smiled weakly at her and placed an arm around her waist, his fingers closing around hers. She didn't protest; it was all very comforting, and she needed that now. She glanced back at Mary, who was standing in front of the picture, her black hair tied into a bun with some strands straying in the wind. The woman Lily didn't recognize laid a hand on Mary's back, causing her to burst into tears.

            Lily looked up at James and whispered, "I'll be back." Her heart thumping painfully, she approached Mary, wondering what she should say. She decided that words were not necessary at the moment, and simply wrapped her arms around Mary, engulfing her in a tight hug. 

            "I'm so sorry," Lily mumbled eventually against her friend's shoulder. "I was wrong, I hope you'll forgive me."

            Mary continued to sob into Lily's robes, the redhead patting her back. The dark-haired man and woman that had been standing with Mary earlier had tears of their own streaming down their cheeks. After another few minutes, Mary finally pulled away, swiping at her eyes.

            "I'm sorry – I just – thanks," she managed to get out, squeezing Lily's hand. She turned to the couple standing beside them and told Lily, "These are Daniel's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hopkins."

            She smiled sadly at them and gestured towards Lily. "And this is my friend since first year, Lily Evans."

            "Very pleased to meet you," Mrs. Hopkins said through her tears. 

Lily shook her hand carefully, "I'm very sorry…about everything."

            Mr. Hopkins nodded solemnly but said nothing, his face blotchy and eyes bloodshot from crying.

            Mrs. Hopkins turned back to Mary and said, "And of course I am very glad to meet the girl that Daniel told me so much about."

            "He – he talked about me?"  
  


"Oh, yes. He always mentioned you in his letters," the dark-haired woman gave a great sniff, breaking down into more tears as her husband wrapped his arms around her.

            Lily frowned; she really had had no idea that Daniel and Mary were ever so close. She blamed herself for that – she hadn't made a great effort to talk to Mary about it, as concerned as she always was about her own problems. She laid her arm across Mary's shoulders, determined to comfort her friend no matter what.

            Lily noticed that the crowd around them had grown considerably, though the noise was kept to a minimum; everyone seemed to be speaking quietly if they were talking at all. There was an air of crushed feelings hanging over them like an unpleasant cloud.

            Dumbledore stepped in front of all of the flowers, his back towards the lake. He scanned the crowd with tired and sad blue eyes.  The sounds of whispering began to fade as everyone turned their attention towards the headmaster. He nodded respectfully towards Daniel's parents and cast a quick charm on his throat.

            "We are here today to honor an outstanding student, an accomplished quidditch player, but most importantly, a sincere and honorable man." The crowd had fallen completely silent; Lily was amazed that this many people could be so quiet. "Daniel Hopkins was a -"

            Very suddenly, a loud noise of someone clearing their throat was heard to the side of the crowd.  Most of the students turned to see who had made the noise, and many gasps echoed through them. Daniel's parents, Mary, and Lily all turned at the same time, and Lily's heart skipped a beat.       

            No…it couldn't be. It simply was not _possible_ for Daniel Hopkins to be present here. He was dead…right? Mary and Mrs. Hopkins' mouth had dropped open and they were blatantly staring. Dumbledore had stopped speaking and was gazing seriously and in surprise at the person who everyone had thought dead.

            "D-Daniel?" Mr. Hopkins managed to stutter out.   
  


"Yes, father. It's me."

            Mary gave a little squeak next to Lily, and might have fainted if Lily had not steadied her. 

            Daniel didn't look as surprised as he should be at the sight of a funeral for himself. He was looking around at everyone with slight indifference, and his eyes came back to rest on his parents, who were still frozen with disbelief. He advanced towards them, and Dumbledore approached as well. The crowd wasn't saying a word, only staring with no idea what was transpiring.

            "Mr. Hopkins, please explain yourself," Dumbledore prompted, seeing that nobody else was going to speak.

            "Well," Daniel began with a heavy voice but so quietly that only Lily, Mary, Dumbledore, and his parents could hear, "during Christmas I was taken…by Death Eaters. They wanted information from me, and took my wand before I could react. The past few weeks I was dragged along as their prisoner. They told me nothing about where we were going, until a few nights ago when they mentioned that I was going to see the Da- Voldemort. I managed to escape during the night, with my wand, and I found my way back barely."

            Dumbledore was looking confused, even skeptical, but he said nothing. Daniel's parents seemed to suddenly realize that their son was standing in front of them – the same son that they had just been crying over – and Mrs. Hopkins threw her arms around him, hugging him tight. Mary stood off to the side, so bewildered she looked like she'd learned the secrets of the universe.

            Lily held back, watching the scene unfold. Something was not right about this. Daniel was acting strange – entirely too casual about this hardship of his. And shouldn't he have more scratches or at least signs that he had been on the run from Death Eaters for the past several days.  
            

As if in answer to her question, Daniel said, "I managed to cast some healing charms on myself along the way…" He wrapped his arms around his mom. "I'm so – so sorry."

            Mary broke into a jog and threw her arms around his backside, burying her face into his robes. After a moment he let his mother go and turned his attention to Mary. She lifted her head and they stared at one another. He traced a finger over her mouth. Mary shuddered softly and said, "I can't believe it's you." He smiled with an expression of both pain and delight.

            It was almost too much for Lily's mind to digest – what the hell had just happened and why? She felt someone beside her and looked up to see James. He looked exactly how she felt. "Er – he's not a ghost is he?" James muttered.

            Lily mumbled, "He can't be. Look – he's completely solid."

"But then what - ?" he let the question hang in the air, obvious as it was.

            "I have no bloody idea," Lily murmured, still staring at Mary and Daniel, and his parents. They were all talking heatedly again, their heads together so that Lily could not hear. She shook her head; she would certainly like a full explanation. But as she thought about it, she became more worried. This meant that the Death Eaters and Voldemort knew very well about the Order of the Phoenix. Kelly Johnstone had known who was in it, was it possible that she had known that Voldemort was planning on kidnapping Daniel too, at the same time she was tricking Lily and James into trusting her? In any case, somebody knew about the Order and had been feeding information to Voldemort, which meant that they were all targets now. This whole thing was frightening, and it seemed to have just gotten worse…

            Lily reached for James' hand and found it. He looked down at her and almost seemed to read what she was thinking through her emerald eyes as he drew her into a tight hug, whispering against her hair, "Don't worry, we'll figure something out." 

~*~*~*~*~

            Over the course of the next few days, Lily remained slightly bewildered. It was all so unbelievable and unnerving. And she had meant to ask Mary about Daniel's strange behavior, to see if maybe she wasn't just imagining it. But the boy wasn't acting like his normal self. Truthfully, Lily had never spent much time talking with him, but she was sure that this wasn't his normal behavior. Perhaps though, he was still in shock over his experience; surely something like that would change a person. She still wanted to address Mary about it, but every time she got ready to do so, she noticed the bright smile on Mary's face and couldn't bring herself to do it. It could wait, Lily guessed. She probably was just imagining things; she felt that she might be becoming paranoid with all that had happened lately. 

            One evening, Lily remembered her idea to send a letter to Patrick, just to take her chances and see if he might be against this marriage as well. Sure, the chances were slim and she was taking a risk with her mother finding out about it, but she was ready to try almost anything. She was slightly dismayed by the fact that he was a muggle and she couldn't send him an owl – but then she remembered that she could just tell the owl to put it in his mailbox, though she might need to explain to the owl what a mailbox was.

            She was gathering up some parchment and a quill, getting ready to leave her dorm for the owlry, when a tapping sounded at her window. Lily glanced up, startled, and walked towards the window to open it. A large tawny owl flew through, extending his leg for Lily to untie a letter. She frowned and carefully took it, patting the owl on the head and mumbling thanks. The owl nipped her finger and flew back out the window. 

            Lily stared at the letter in her hands – she knew that handwriting very well. She groaned, "Not _again_. This is completely ridiculous." She had thought that her mother would leave her alone, at least for a little while. It seemed that was only wishful thinking. Although it had been a while since they had had any contact, it didn't feel that way to Lily.

            She opened the seal in apprehension, unfolding the crisp paper with a sinking sense of dread.

_Dearest Lily, _

_            I admit that I have not been entirely fair to you lately, and I apologize for that. But you must also realize that your behavior hasn't been what it should be, and you should be ashamed of your recent actions. It should not make a difference, however, as I have straightened everything out like a good mother should. I believe I have handled the boy you had that silly infatuation with quite well; I am probably right in assuming that you two have broken your relationship – which, believe me dear, is for your own good. _

_            I am prepared to forgive you for all of your misconduct if you are ready to repent. I have settled everything with Patrick's mother, and he himself seems ready to marry you, despite you disappearing from the scene at the Christmas party. But you must cease all of this nonsense now, before more problems arise. A certain Miss Henderson – you have met her on several occasions – has been showing interest in Patrick. I would not want her to interfere, so I must ask you to be quick in your repentance and acceptance of this marriage, so that we may set a date for the wedding. I will be in touch with you and have full confidence in you making the right decision._

_            With love,_

_            Your Mother_

Lily frowned; the letter only mixed her emotions up further. On the one hand, her mother angered her to no end; she was so oblivious to everything that was not socially correct for the society she had grown up in. Lily hated how her mother continued to try running her life, when on several occasions Lily had made it very clear that she wouldn't allow it. The problem was that she often did not have that choice. 

            And then, on the other hand, she was remembering when she was younger, during the times that she and her mother still got along. They had been close at one point, Lily had adored Mrs. Evans, wanted to be just like her. Lily's old feelings of respect, now laced with disgust, were conflicting inside her mind. She had no idea how to respond to this letter.

            But something was bothering her specifically about it. Yes, there it was – how did her mum know that she and James had broken up again? And her mother had _handled_ him? Lily thought this seemed very suspicious. She needed to talk to James, but it was late; he was probably in bed. _Tomorrow, _she thought. Tomorrow she would ask him about everything. They had things to sort out, and though she was reluctant to do so, she knew that her time was running short on these things.

            She stared at the letter in her hands, reading it over once more, as if it held the answers to her problems. Not likely, but suddenly something clicked in her brain. Miss Henderson's daughter – she remembered that girl. Distinctly, in fact, as they had never gotten along. But Paula Henderson was interested in Patrick, was she? Now, that was an interesting bit of information. Lily's mind was working fast as she decided that sending a letter to Patrick would now be unnecessary, thanks to her mother's letter. Lily and Paula had never agreed on anything in the past, but maybe…Yes, that's what she would do, first thing tomorrow. Lily quickly threw on some pajamas and climbed into her bed with a broad smile and a much clearer head.

@~~~~~~~~@

**A/N: Okay, so it's a couple pages longer than all of the other chapters, but I don't suppose that makes up for my lack of updating =( I _am_ sorry about that, though.**

**Living In A Nightmare- **Lol, yeah I would be bereft of a plot if Lily were more defiant of her parents. She's getting there though, or at least making progress.

**Tears of a Fairy Queen- **They'll get back together soon, don't worry! Thanks again, of course.

**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus****- **I'm glad you thought it was worth the wait, but I'm not so sure about _this_ chapter; I don't think I like it lol. I have no idea why I'm posting it, but oh well ;) I'm very glad you've come back to read more.

**Diehard Toad- **You're right, I probably did mix up Sirius's eye color. I seem to make that mistake a lot, I really should just keep it the same for all my stories. Oh, and as to Kelly not being in Slytherin, I suppose that's up for interpretation – did she _really_ go bad after all? And happy late birthday! That just goes to show how long it's been since I updated, lol.

**MonkinO****- **Oh, I love you for sticking with me this long! I hope you understand better know why James is avoiding Lily (her mother's note to him and all) and I apologize again, you're right, I'm _very_ slow.

**Mafioso- **Reviews in general make me happy, but yours made be extremely happy =) I couldn't tell you why, exactly, except that if someone calls me a good writer it makes my day. I'm really surprised that you would like my story over other L/J or Marauder stories, because this is not nearly as good as many of them out there. But I was very flattered by your review and I thank you.

**Loraliant**** Angelisa Snape- **Lol, so much for the update within a month idea, I should just not bring it up anymore, shouldn't I? Well I'm terribly sorry for not reviewing your stories lately; I need to get on that.

**Vamperfly****- **Haha, happy new year? Oh boy – it has been _forever_ since I updated. It honestly doesn't feel like so long, but I guess it has been. Oh believe me, I cried over Sirius too. I couldn't help it, he's just so – lovable, I guess. Thanks again, I really appreciate you even attempting to continue reading this story.

**Jessie xxx- **Not soon, but it's another chapter…lol, I seem to be saying that a lot. And of course, thanks again.

**PeRkieGuRL****- **I'm sorry, I hope it's not _too_ sad. And you're right, Lily was being mean. But she's getting over it; she just may give James a big fat kiss soon. We'll have to see about that, though…

**Carolinus**** Took- **Yeah, I usually have trouble coming up with good review comments. I'm glad you try to review a fic to the end, I hope it hasn't been so long that I turned you away completely!

**Chicken Stars- **Lol, Patrick can't be killed so easily…I think. And Lily and James will continue to be stubborn of course, even though it's incredibly annoying. Lily just makes things hard on herself, doesn't she? ;)

**Cyd****- **Haha, it is all so simple, isn't it? It's Lily's fault really, apart from her annoying mom. I'm really glad you like the story so far, I hope you keep reading (next update won't take quite as long, I promise!). 

**Armadrieclya****- **Did you ever read past chapter four, I'm curious? Well either way, thanks for reviewing!

**Erin-**Quite honestly, I wish I would update more often too. Oh wait…that's my fault, isn't it? Lol, I'm sorry, I just have trouble finding the time and I had a lot to try and straighten out with this story before I kept writing. I hope you haven't given up yet though =)

**Limbo-gal- **I'm glad you find it different from other stories; I don't like to be too redundant though sometimes I am. Anyway, thanks for still reading!

**Ash- **Lol, I'm sorry. I guess I ended this chapter in a sort of bad place too.

**VaNiLLa*****cHai 501- **Thanks, glad you think so! And I'll try to write the next chapter much, much quicker.

**Shayley**** Rain- **Although you are probably no longer hooked on this, as it's been forever and a day, I hope that you haven't stopped reading completely. And thanks, once again, for reviewing!

**FrightninglyObsessed****- **Yes, it was just real life getting in the way, and I'll never abandon the story, I promise! Thanks for putting up with me.

**Pigwidgeon188- **I finally updated! I am _so _sorry it took me so long, I really am. I had quite a bit of trouble writing this chapter, and I'm not very happy with it still. Thanks so much for reading my other story as well, you have no idea how much it means to me. I hope I haven't disappointed you too much with this update. And I plan on updating 'Beautiful Addiction' soon as well. 

**Nestle- **As for Sirius singing 'in the end', you're right that the song wouldn't be out in their generation. But honestly, I don't think it matters all that much. And we have no idea when they started calling themselves the Marauders, though it probably wasn't when they first met. I have no problem at all with criticism – in fact I like it – but please do give me something I can actually improve upon next time.

**Marine- **I was really flattered by your review, thanks a lot! And Lily's going to straighten her attitude out here soon. If you do end up starting that story about Harry's 6th year, let me know 'cause I'd like to read it. I doubt I could ever be of any help, but if you ever wanted I'm willing to try! But you can probably do that on your own. Anyway, thanks again.

**Katie-xoxo- **  Thank you once again! I really do appreciate you continuing to read my stories, and putting me on your favorites list and all =) 

**Queen-Sissy-star1- **Aw, thank you so much. You've read and reviewed all three of the stories I'm working on _and_ added me to your favorites list – I honestly could not ask for more!

**Angel's Reflection- **Lol, thanks for reading my stories, I'll try to write more for you soon.

**Sour-Peach- **Haha, I think you're right – I twisted the plot a little too much at times, and I'm sorry. I hope you kept reading, though!

**Sexy Dancin Babe- **It's funny you should ask, because I read your review while I was writing this chapter. Well thanks for reading more!

**A/N: I confess I had quite a bit of trouble writing this chapter, or starting it I should say; once I started it all went pretty fast. I just wasn't sure how to approach it, which is one reason for the very late update, along with not having enough time. I'm also kind of lazy. I'm still unhappy with it, but at this point I don't care all that much.**

**          I realized, looking back at some of the story that I've only posted like 5 chapters in the past year! But then, it was last April when the 'year of hell' (or at least the majority of it) started, so I suppose that's my excuse. I'm still very sorry, I apologize to all of you who have bothered to stick with me this long – and those who haven't. Okay, so I have every intention of finishing this story, and I hope to be able to do it soon. Before you ask, I'm not so sure how many more chapters there will be, but I do have a pretty good idea how the rest of the story will go – which I definitely should have thought about earlier lol. **

**          I also realized that I don't like a lot of this story. It's been so long that when I read over it, I can pick out little things that are just, well, bad, and I hate it but I don't think I have time to redo anything right now. And finally, I apologize for any inconsistencies in this chapter. It's been forever and I can't remember much about writing the last several chapters. I also wrote the first half of this chapter a couple weeks ago and the second half tonight. **

**          All of that being said (none of it was really necessary, was it? Ah, well), I will do my best to get next chapter out _much_ sooner and I hope you all haven't given up on me yet. Now I'm off to watch the end of the basketball game…I will see you all soon =)**

**~Emily~**


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